I Tried To Score A Tinder Date Using Lyrics From ‘Untouched’ By The Veronicas

It’s no secret that the late ‘00s was a great time for pop music, but there are few pieces of straight-up lyrical genius that have changed the trajectory of the human experience as we know it forever.

‘Untouched’ by The Veronicas is one of those tracks that simultaneously bops, slaps and bangs.

Don’t even try to tell me blasting ‘Untouched’ through your first-gen iPod Touch on the bus to school didn’t change you as a person.

This poses the question: can a piece of art so brilliant spread its genius to something that’s a total garbage fire – like say, my dating life?

Strap yourselves in, we’re doing this thing.

The rules had been set, and are pretty straight-forward:

1. Swipe right on everyone
2. Open with/reply to someone only using lyrics from — you guessed it — ‘Untouched’. Even if it had nothing to do with what they were saying and oh boy, it almost exclusively did.

Here’s What Happened When I Used ‘Untouched’ Lyrics On Unsuspecting Matches

#1. The Realisation That These Lyrics Are Bloody Full On

Have you really heard the lyrics to ‘Untouched’? It’s a lot.

There’s no real way to jump in subtly and pretend it’s just a regular Tinder convo unless you’re a stage-five clinger, or just INCREDIBLY thirsty.

This person (understandably) unmatched me shortly after I took the screenshot and before I had time to reply. Off to a great start!

#2. Lost? Sis, Me Too

They say long distance can work when you’ve found The One – and I thought this may have been the real deal.

This one claims they’re lost? Uh, sorry sweaty but you’re not the one talking to strangers on the internet for money – hope you’re proud, Dad!

Also, general rule of thumb while dating – if they can’t recognise the lyrics to ‘Untouched’ right away, they don’t deserve your time. That’s just the truth.

#3. The One That Got Away

You know that moment you begin talking to someone new and it just all kind of clicks?

There’s this undeniable chemistry, where you feel like the two of you were destined to be with each other. They give you butterflies in your stomach and revive your faith in love and dating.

Yeah nah, this definitely wasn’t one of those moments.

But hey, at least they knew the lyrics and we had a cute duet, which TBH isn’t a bad result in the current world of online dating.

I didn’t cop another reply, but I’m not about to give up on my quest to find true love.

#4. OMFG It Worked?!

Now look, as I said earlier, these lyrics don’t exactly paint you as someone keen on a date – the paint you as a crazy ex type, trying to lock someone down for life, or someone just looking to smash – there’s no real in-between.

That being said, this song may have just successfully made someone want to have sex with me and it’s alarming.

If you’ll excuse me, I’m off to burn my phone.

So the moral of the story is: if you’re just trying to get a little action with not much game, leave it up to the lyrical geniuses that are The Veronicas.