Punkee Recaps Vanderpump Rules: In The Words Of Scheana Shay, “It’s ALL Happening!!”
WE HAVE ARRIVED.
2023 was a huge year for Vanderpump Rules voyeurs; the show’s 10th season unlike anything we’d seen over the previous decade. For diehard Pump Heads like myself, our brains were changed on a molecular level as we watched Scandoval unfold, and we’ve genuinely never been the same since.
If you’re anything like me – a huge loser – you consumed every thinkpiece, podcast interview, TikTok theory and YouTube explainer that revolved around Scandoval. You brought it up to anyone who would listen. It became your entire personality. But eventually, you ran dry of the content and conversations, and you’ve been staring into the void ever since.
Well, my friends, today is our SuperBowl. Season 11 has finally premiered, and we FINALLY get to find out what the HELL happened next. Let’s gooooooo.
Image credit: Hayu
The episode starts with the new opening credits, and with one editing decision, the power dynamic is established. Ariana and Katie are the first cast members to be shown, standing tall in the middle of their sandwich shop (lol) Something About Her. This is followed by a shot of the Toms at their bar, Lala and Scheana standing beside James in the DJ booth, and finally our matriarch Lisa. If you’ve been following the series, you’ll know that both Tom Schwartz/Katie and Tom Sandoval/Ariana’s relationships respectively struggled while the Toms opened their businesses. With both women sick of being left in the shadows, they came together to open Something About Her, and if that isn’t feminism I simply don’t know what is.
We have an opening montage of the cast in their glamorous California homes, starting with the haunted house Ariana still begrudgingly shares with Sandoval. Ariana is making her own latte, which is EXTREMELY significant given Sandoval used to make them for her and thought it made him boyfriend of the year. We then cut to Scheana and her husband Brock’s home, as they teach their stupidly adorable daughter Summer Moon how to spell her name. She’s clearly a genius and will have to be in order to survive a life with that moniker. We’ve now arrived at James and girlfriend Ally’s newly purchased home, and it’s a vibe. James notes how quiet it is, followed by a classic stitch-up from the editors as a loud aeroplane flies overhead. Next up, we have Schwartz watering/talking to the plants in his apartment, and I get the sense that he would be talking to plants regardless of filming.
Katie arrives at Ariana’s place debuting her sleek af new bob, and the two embrace. The girls discuss going thrifting for their sandwich shop (I should note, it hasn’t actually opened yet but it has in my heart), and Katie explains in her interview that they hired Nancy Meyers’ production designer for the interior of the shop. This is the biggest flex I have ever heard, and I am quite proud of them.
Ariana explains that Sandoval is in NZ filming a show, and in her interview, clarifies that even though they still live under the same roof, she’s been able to maintain a no-contact policy, communicating via his assistant. Why this man has an assistant is very confusing to me, but onwards.
Ariana tells Katie that Sandoval wants to buy her out of the home, which she is hugely not into. “What, are you gonna bring your little penpal back over here? I don’t fucking think so”. God, I love this. Ariana shares in her interview that she believes Sandoval and Raquel are still together, and that Raquel has been sending him mail to the house, even having the gall to send a postcard with a lightning bolt on it (their secret symbol during the affair). Alrighty then.
Back to James and Ally’s house, where the two sit in the backyard building furniture. They’re excited for all the pool parties they’re going to be hosting, with James pointing out the irony of how Sandoval stopped inviting him to his pool parties once the affair had started. Adults having pool parties makes me laugh. Ally asks James if he thinks they’ll ever be friends again, to which James responds, “Friends, friends? I haven’t heard one fucking word from that man”. James details the difficulty he faced during Scandoval in his interview, and I feel bad for him. He really was somewhat overlooked during the whole situation, despite the fact that Raquel was his ex-fiancé and Sandoval was an older brother figure to him. I can’t explain it but I just want James to be happy, so I hope he finds some peace this season.
We’re now at Scheana and Brock’s place, sitting on the same couch that Scheana confronted Sandoval on last season. Scheana touches on her PTSD from it, and they discuss the radio silence they’ve received from Sandoval, despite both reaching out to him after the tragic passing of his childhood friend. Scheana explains how Sandoval has blocked her across all platforms, including Summer Moon’s IG. Imagine blocking a toddler? (I aspire to be that petty one day).
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They chat about Raquel’s mental health facility journey, I assume to let us viewers know that Raquel is in fact in a mental health facility. Over to Lala’s, where she is hanging out with her mum on the couch. Lala explains in her interview that both her mum and brother have moved from Utah to help Lala raise her daughter Ocean. A beautiful, modern family. She touches on her custody battle with her ex, and how she’s now finally dealing with the heartbreak of her separation. Lala is one tough cookie, but a huge softie at heart, and I always enjoy watching her more vulnerable scenes. Another cast member I hope finds peace this season.
James meets with Schwartz later that night, with Schwartz gifting new homeowner James with a plant and candle. Cute. Schwartz is on his own redemption tour after Scandoval, given the fact that he was unwillingly privy to the affair. He opens up about how difficult it’s been not only being Sandoval’s friend, but his business partner. Sandoval campaigned hard for the name of their new bar to be Schwartz and Sandy’s, with Schwartz sharing his frustrations that Sandoval went on to behave so abhorrently. Not an ideal representation of the brand, hey? Schwartz thanks James for showing him some empathy, with James profoundly telling him “You’re your best Tom when you’re just Tom Schwartz”. James shares that he is now ‘California sober’ (aka still smoking weed). We’ve seen a lot of the cast over the years abusing alcohol, but Lala (now sober) and James in particular have really opened up about their struggles. I am thrilled to hear this development and hope James keeps it up. The two discuss how James is DJing the following night at TomTom (the bar owned by Sandoval and Schwartz), and Schwartz admits that Ariana is still not talking to him. The two are hopeful that tomorrow night will be a fresh start for the group, and something tells me yeah nah.
The next day, Ariana and Scheana treat themselves to some massages, where Ariana’s new boyfriend Dan is referenced. The two met 10 days after Scandoval at Ariana’s friend’s wedding, and have been pursuing a long-distance relationship (with Dan located in NYC). Scheana isn’t convinced that Ariana has healed yet, but makes the astute point in her interview, “as long as Dan doesn’t sleep with one of her best friends, he’s already a giant step up from her ex”. YEP.
We learn that Scheana has recently been prescribed anxiety medication. She’s feeling mentally stronger but explains that six months ago she was diagnosed with OCD, and Scandoval really triggered her. Yes, we joke about Scheana being very self-centred, but I do feel for the little lass. The two discuss Schwartz, and how Ariana felt hurt after Schwartz’s infamous trainwreck WWHL appearance, where he expressed empathy for Sandoval. In an interview, Schwartz laughs about Ariana’s final message to him: “Fuck you. Blocking your number. Go choke on Sandoval’s dirty ass dick some more.” An eloquent queen. We establish that Ariana will be attending TomTom tomorrow night, and good luck honey!!!
There’s a montage of the cast getting ready for James’ gig, including an Ozempic gag from Scheana and Ariana FaceTiming Dan. She expresses her hesitation about attending TomTom (the scene of the crime where Ariana first learned of the affair), but proclaims “I shouldn’t have to make my life smaller because Tom messed everything up”. HELL yeah to that.
We arrive at TomTom, with our first Lisa sighting (she is breathtakingly beautiful and aging backwards???) and Katie and Ariana reminiscing on the first time they walked into TomTom. The gang sits down, and Ariana is a little shaky, but radiant nonetheless. Schwartz approaches the group, attempting to greet Ariana and failing miserably. He acknowledges in his interview that he has a feeling it’s going to be difficult to reconnect with the rest of the group until he makes it right with Ariana. The girls hold hands as Ariana tears up, and I too am tearing up. She is so brave. I would have burned TomTom down personally, so I admire her restraint. James is killing it behind the DJ booth, and Ariana proposes a toast: “to a summer of bad bitches.”
Image credit: Hayu
Lala asks Lisa for a private chat and expresses how conflicted she feels over the last five minutes of last season. Lala can recognise the isolation Raquel felt at the hands of Sandoval, and she can relate. She doesn’t want Raquel to live with the “homewrecking whore” label for the rest of her life, because she too wears that label. Lisa is happy to see that Lala is less rigid about her position on Raquel, and is surprised about her empathy given their tense history. We cut to Katie and Scheana discussing moving forward in their relationship (boy do these two have a rocky history of being assholes to each other), and bonding over their new common enemies. Lala goes outside and leaves Raquel a voice note, sharing that she’s open to a conversation. If you watched the season 10 reunion, you’ll know that hell has now in fact frozen over.
The next day, Katie arrives at Schwartz apartment to collect their dogs, declaring in her interview, “I’m happy to say that Schwartz is not my problem anymore”. Growth. Schwartz tries to get Katie to help him smooth things over with Ariana, and Katie says nah mate. We LOVE to see these boundaries. That night, Ariana, Katie, Lala and Scheana head out to dinner and they all look luminous. Katie references her conversation with Schwartz, and Lala decides to play devil’s advocate, bringing up the fact that while Schwartz needs to take accountability, the group should acknowledge the mental abuse Sandoval inflicted upon Schwartz for years. They agree, with Ariana adding that she always wanted to get closer to Katie, but Sandoval manipulated her into keeping her distance. Lala opens up about how she still feels at arm’s length with Ariana, to which Ariana apologises for not trusting Lala’s judgment (about Sandoval’s behaviour last summer). The two recognise that they’re both pretty similar with their demeanours and hug it out. It gets awkward quickly though when Lala admits to messaging Raquel the night before, Ariana in her interview points out the hypocrisy of Lala’s behavior given none of them were able to communicate with her ex. Katie makes the key point that Lala cannot conflate her situation with Ariana’s, and Scheana makes it about her again (to be fair, Raquel’s temporary restraining order against Scheana was pretty hectic). Lala explains her motivations and reassures Ariana that she is in her corner. They’re all a bit teary and once again, same. The women hug and it feels like a healing moment. As the final credits roll, the healing energy vanishes immediately, as we see Sandoval returning to the empty house.
If this first episode is anything to go by, we are in for one doozy of a season, and it feels like an honour to be recapping it for you all. So, thank you, and see you next week.
Written by Lil Friedmann, lover of all things Bravo and staunch defender of reality television. You can follow her at @lilfriedmann on socials.
Season 11 of Vanderpump Rules is available to stream on Hayu from 31 January, with episodes dropping the same day as the USA.
Image credit: Bravo, Hayu + Punkee