Just Hear Me Out: Vegemite Sucks & Needs To Stop Ruining Perfectly Good Food
There’s been something weighing on my mind in the last 30 years of my life and I need to speak my truth: the beloved Aussie spread Vegemite actually kinda sucks.
Now, this is a controversial take, I realise this. But over the years Vegemite has gone from a humble spread some psychopaths allegedly enjoy eating on their toast, to being included in EVERYTHING.
OK, maybe not everything but definitely way too many things.
Domino’s announced earlier that they’ve created a Vegemite pizza and now we’ve just taken things too far. We’re in Vegemite overload and I’m begging for it to END.
First things first: fine, I’ll say it. It doesn’t even taste good and it smells even worse.
But if you want to go spread yeast all over your bread, you do you and I’ll politely screw my nose up and pay no attention. I’m sure you’d also judge me for my basic white bitch taste and that’s fine.
But Vegemite doesn’t quit that easily. Over the last few years, it’s infiltrated so many delicious products that it had no business getting involved in.
Vegemite in my CHOCOLATE? Absolute blasphemy.
Vegemite in my BOOST JUICE? A sin!
Vegemite in my Four’N Twenty meat pie? Can you NOT?!
Vegemite on my precious Domino’s pizza? A TRAVESTY.
View this post on Instagram
It doesn’t stop there. Over the years we’ve also had Vegemite popcorn, Vegemite peanuts, Vegemite Shapes, Vegemite-flavoured chips, Vegemite bagel crisps… the list goes on.
It’s time to admit, as a society, we’ve taken our obsession with this yeast infection way too far.
This Vegemite hate might not make me a true blue Aussie, and I’m OK with that. But someone had to voice the truth and after the launch of the new Vegemite pizza, I felt that weight keenly on my shoulders.
It’s OK for a spread to just be a spread. It’s OK to enjoy that spread on your sandwiches and toast. Not every product has to do EVERYTHING. Vegemite is out here trying to do the most when really it’s the least delicious spread on our supermarket shelves. Just leave it to the peanut butter, the superior spread!
It’s OK, Vegemite, to take a break and stop launching yourself into perfectly good food that doesn’t need you as an extra addition.
Vegemite, please… just stop.
