veronica mars

A Thirsty & Definitive Ranking Of Veronica Mars’ Boyfriends

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Listen up, Marshmallows! Veronica Mars is coming back to us for a fourth season this month, and we cannot wait.

Your fave noughties teenage crime solving queen, aka Kristen Bell, left our screens when the show was unjustly cancelled and fans have been calling for a revival ever since.

Veronica was the leading lady of our dreams. She solved crime better than the local police and she looked damn good doing it. And she had a lot of super hot boyfriends in the process.

We’re finally getting a new season (it looks amazing) that starts on July 27, and some people are furiously rewatching the original show to catch up. But if you don’t have time to do that, we’ve decided to recap the most important info.

These are Veronica’s best boyfriends ranked from worst to best and therefore least to most deserving of dating Kristen Bell:

#5. Troy Vandegraff

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Troy was literally the worst. He was dating someone else the entire time he was with Veronica, and he tried to trick her into helping him smuggle drugs so he could run away with the cash and his other girlfriend. BOY PLEASE.

Of course, Veronica figured out his plan and stopped him, and then she even helped clear his name when he was falsely accused of assault a few years later.

They parted on good terms and, look, I normally trust Veronica’s judgement but the dude also said this on a date:

Nope, shut it down.

#4. Duncan Kane

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Veronica and Duncan had already broken up before the show started, but we heard enough to know that he was a trash boyfriend.

We later learn that he broke up with Veronica because he thought she was his half-sister. Instead of talking to her about it, he straight-up ghosted her. Why do men refuse to talk about their feelings?

And who grows this beard?

Then, like the fuck boi he was, Duncan broke up with his new girlfriend and asked Veronica out again as soon as he realised they weren’t related. There was just the tiny detail about how he’d gotten the other girl pregnant. Honestly, this boy, I cannot.

#3. Leo D’Amato

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Ahh yes, the hot cop who probably shouldn’t have been dating a teenager. Leo was actually only 29 months older than Veronica and she was 18 at the time, so it’s fine. Probably.

Whatever, Leo was hot and they were cute together. Veronica brought him pizza, he helped her solve cases, it was a whirlwind romance.

Actually, it was famously not a whirlwind romance — they were only together for a hot minute and then Veronica broke up with him. But he was one of the rare boyfriends in the show who didn’t become a total jerk once they stopped dating, so you’ve got to love him for that, even if he was as exciting as plain white toast.

#2. Stosh “Piz” Piznarski

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What a life, when you realise that calling yourself “Piz” is better than being known by your real name. Piz got the short straw a lot on this show: he met Veronica when his van was broken into, started crushin’ on her hard and eventually became the boyfriend that fans hated because he wasn’t Logan.

But Piz was a Good Boyfriend and I won’t hear a word against him.

He’s in a band, he’s smart, he rocked the emo fringe at a time when I was very much into that look. And he’s never been accused of murder, which is saying a lot for this show and for Veronica’s boyfriends.

Piz was the sexy human equivalent of a golden retriever: literally just so happy all the time and devoted to Veronica. Who doesn’t want that for themselves?

#1. Logan Echolls

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Logan and Veronica were on-again, off-again for the entire show and even though it was exhausting, their sexual tension was hot as hell.

They started the show hating each other and ended as the ’00s couple that everyone wanted to get together.

Logan was a bad boy with a good boy’s heart, and even when he and Veronica were on one of their frequent breaks they still looked out for each other.

But when they were together it was TV magic, friends. Logan went along with Veronica’s mad schemes, and she called him out when he was being a privileged rich kid.

Logan Echolls is like the last choccy biscuit that you’ve been eyeing off — you know you’ll have to work out a bit harder if you take it, but it’s too sexy to resist.

Veronica’s got game, y’all.