Wake Up Sheeple, Birds Don’t Even Exist!

Birds go by many names: chip thieves, rats with wings, bin chickens, or more commonly, birds.

But what if we told you they weren’t even real?

Stop what you’re doing right now and seek shelter in a bunker that could withstand an earthquake because you’re about to be SHOOK. It’s a bird conspiracy theory, BABY!

Wait, Birds Aren’t Real?

I know you’re probably thinking, “of course birds are real, I see them every day!” False. What you see is a lie you’ve been fed from the government your entire life. The last real-life bird died years ago, and the winged creatures you see today are no more than government drones.

So what’s the point of these robot birds, you may ask? Secret government video surveillance, of course.

Birds Are Government Spies?

Birds fly like drones, keeping a watchful eye on the citizens of earth, capturing footage and reporting back to the higher-ups to assist the government’s attempts of mass mind control.

Reliable source, www.birdsarentreal.com states, “In a stolen transcript from an ex-CIA deputy, she says, ‘Yeah, the higher-ups were so annoyed that birds had been dropping fecal matter on their car windows that they vowed to wipe out every single flying feathered creature in North America.’”

After extinguishing more than 12 million birds between 1959 and 1971, the US government had already perfected the perfect bird-drone prototype, which has almost identical bird anatomy, and released them out into the world.

Which Types Of Birds Are Drones? 

Owls, geese, parrots, budgies, lorikeets, pigeons, ibis’, eagles, swans, seagulls, cockatoos, corellas, ducks, hawks, jays, magpies, quails, chickens, puffins, penguins, ravens, doves, woodpeckers – basically every kind of bird.

Why Did The Government Replace Birds With Drones?

You think pigeons and seagulls hang around for a few crumbs of your sandwich because they’re hungry? Wrong. They eat them to get samples of your DNA and report back to the FBI, who take the said DNA and creates a robotic clone of you.

This clone then enters your home at night and embeds your memories into its robot brain. Then, it takes you out, disposes of the body and exists in your place, without anyone ever noticing.

The FBI controls this clone and makes it do tasks and act as they please.

Project Clone has been in effect since the inception of the US and there are no signs of it stopping any time soon. Are you a human, or a robot?

The pigeons are coming for you.