Strangers Reveal Their Most Cringeworthy Tinder Dates To Make You Feel Better About Being Perpetually Single

I don’t care what anyone tells you, dating apps are like a full-time job. First you’ve got to download the thing, pick some photos that aren’t your best but not your worst, start swiping, stop swiping to re-assess your standards, begin swiping again — all before copping a match.

You get some matches, then need to see if the banter flows, suss out if you reckon they’re worth your time, do your best to judge whether or not they’re a serial killer (obvi) and this is all before you’ve even gone on a date.

And when it comes to a Tinder date, it goes one of two ways: fine, or absolutely fucking dreadful.

Today we’re going to focus on the latter, and share with you some of the craziest and most cringey Tinder dates, courtesy of the weird and wonderful users of Reddit. And hey! They might just make us feel better about being so alone.

Flirting Gone Wrong

“I walked her to her car, where she took my hat in an effort to be playful. I played along for a bit then grabbed my hat back, at which point she BIT me hard on my arm, through my pleather jacket.

I told her that was not acceptable and that I had to go… damn she proved to be cray-cray and left a nasty fist-sized bruise on my bicep along with teeth marks”. – Duchebagel

Dinner For Three!

“Showed up to the date and the girl was pregnant, VERY pregnant. Like holy crap how did you get here on your own, should I be worried about your water breaking any minute?

No mention of her being pregnant anywhere on her profile, not even a hint about it.” – DasCthulhu

WHO IS EMILY?!

“I spent two hours on a date with a guy. He spent half an hour talking about his clarinet. Then he talked at length about the six-year relationship he just got out of.

“Then, after two hours, we’re leaving and he calls me Emily. My name is not Emily. Best part is that because he just broke up with his girlfriend, he just moved into a new apartment… in my building.” — SomeoneThrewMyShoe

You Were, In Fact, Barry B. Benson From ‘Bee Movie’?

“It went very well except she is allergic to bees. And guess what happened halfway through the date?” – jboy814

Everyone Farts

 “She kept farting. I didn’t say anything but it was like every 10 minutes.” – Silentkabob

Blocked. Reported. Deleted.

“Two months later I got a call from the police because my Tinder date was suspected of murdering someone. That was fun.”

“He wasn’t guilty. But holy moly. That kept me off Tinder for a while.” — missdb9

Free Dessert Tho

“I went on a date with a girl who said she loved playing pranks on people and being pranked. So on our first date I took her to Montana’s and told the staff secretly it was her birthday.

When they brought out the big hat and song, she broke into tears and ran out of the restaurant.

I ate her dessert.” – TheBigDsOpinion

Shut It Down. Dealbreaker

“She told me she had a dream years ago where she died in a car accident. Ever since she refuses to ride in any vehicle so we walked 30 minutes to the bar.

“She then revealed she’s married but ‘it’s cool’. Said her favourite love story was some guy that dug up a woman’s corpse and kept it at home. She stole my beer when I was in the bathroom, which was fine, but she lied about it for some reason and tried to sneak the empty to the bartender.

“Then she got so drunk she puked herself. Then there was an hour-long walk to get her home as she stopped to puke on the sidewalk. There was not a second date”. – MoneyMoneyDocs

The Devil Works Hard. People Selling Pyramid Schemes Work Harder

“A childhood friend of mine asked me to go to dinner after we ran into each other at a party. I thought this would be great, as she had gotten pretty cute since last time I’d seen her and it was all was going well when we were texting.

“I met her at the restaurant and to my surprise, there was a middle-aged, business-looking guy there as well. As soon I sat down both of them tried to recruit me to one of those pyramid marketing schemes.

“After I declined and went home I would get texts regularly over the next month asking me what went wrong and why I didn’t want to make all this easy money. I’m pretty sure I didn’t even get to order dinner as well.” – jex_head

OOFT. It’s a fucking jungle out there you guys. Have fun and be safe. Love you! xoxo

Responses have been edited for style and clarity