Abbie Chatfield Got Refreshingly Honest About The Emotional Cost Of Success
Abbie Chatfield has shared a heartbreakingly vulnerable post about the emotional toll that her demanding schedule has taken on her mental health.
Abbie first appeared in the spotlight on Matt Agnew’s season of The Bachelor back in 2019 and has almost constantly been in the public eye since then. She’s won I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here, has been a judge on The Masked Singer, launched her own award-winning podcast It’s A Lot, hosts a popular radio program, launched a clothing line and her own beer, became the first host of FBoy Island Australia, and is now considered one of Australia’s most popular media personalities.
However, the reality-star-come-superstar has revealed that her meteoric professional success has come at the cost of her own mental health. Off the back of a cover feature for the popular Australian magazine Stellar, Abbie detailed the insecurities she struggled with during the photo shoot for the publication.
The 27-year-old shared four beautiful photos from the shoot, but told her 450,000 followers that the “photos were taken in between me having breaks to go outside to cry.”
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Abbie told her followers that she battled with feeling guilt about crying on set of the magazine shoot, because she thought it made her look unprofessional.
“We take more photos. I check test shots. I cry. I don’t even recognise the person in the photos. I hate my face, I hate my body, I hate that I’m crying at a fucking workplace, I hate that if I cry I’m then hard to work with, I hate that the team who are the best in the business may think that I’m crying because of something they have done when it’s all me, I hate that I have to go and be entertaining for six more hours after this 7 am shoot,” she wrote.
“I cry a bit more. Why am I so ungrateful? Why am I crying on the set of a cover for a fucking magazine? Why is my beautiful makeup artist and photographer having to be a psychologist? All I have to do it sit there and NOT cry. Why do I care so much about how I look? Am I so vain? Has this industry rotted my brain so that I have insecurities I never had?”
“We’re now behind schedule. I’m well aware I am the reason. I know how hard [the] crew work. Now I am paranoid I’ll be the diva who cried on set and wasted everyone’s time.”
Over a series of four Instagram posts, Abbie told her followers that even when she received photos that she knew were great, she still placed unreasonably harsh judgment on herself.
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“But this week when the photos came out they were great. Of course. My brain is marginally better, not great, but slightly. Now, however, I have the perhaps paranoid anxiety of people who have encountered me on set any time in the last four months spreading that I’m not great to work with, that I’m not as fun as I seem in media and to be honest, I’m not. I haven’t been,” she continued.
“I feel like a court jester and I’m fucking exhausted. I can’t be ON for a radio show, podcast, live tour, two tv show filmings, shoots, TV commercials and then have anything left for me, let alone my family and friends.”
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In the heartbreaking posts, Abbie said that although she is aware that she’s overworked, she said that she’s not able to slow down because she’s contractually taken on a lot of obligations.
“A lot of you will say ‘have a break!’ As my GP, ENT, Psychologist and Psychiatrist have all said but it simply isn’t possible. My commitments don’t allow me a break. My voice right now is so painful when I speak that I cry from the pain sometimes.
“I’m on the verge of tears at all times. If one thing goes wrong the flood gates open. I have so much pressure on me all the time to be fun or entertaining or at the very least have something of value to say. It’s draining. Physically and mentally.”
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Abbie concluded her posts by touching on the pressures she believes come hand-in-hand with a seemingly glamorous job in the media.
“I’m not trying to get sympathy, I guess I’m just trying to say this is maybe not what you think. This industry. I love it, and I love all my jobs but that’s kind of the issue. It’s addictive and intoxicating and fucking fun. Until it isn’t. And you are commodifying parts of you, and there isn’t much left just for yourself.”