This Is Our Definitive Ranking Of Arnott’s Shapes So Argue Amongst Yourselves
It’s handy living in Australia. If you’re in the mood for a snacc but not a meal, thankfully every Aussie household is legally obligated to have a packet of Arnott’s Shapes in the pantry at all times.
But which Shapes flavour is the best? This is a question my work colleagues and I argue about a lot…like, A LOT. We talk about this topic about once a fortnight and often the debate descends into utter anarchy. Blood has been spilled.
So I decided to put the flavours to the ultimate test. I bought ALL the Shapes. It was a very interesting trip to the supermarket and I had plenty of people staring into my trolley.
I know what they were thinking: now that girl is truly LIVING her best life. I also bought some pink lemonade cordial. A toddler stood beside me and I whispered into her ear, “dreams can come true.”
Tbh, as I was perusing the biscuit section a few of these flavours I forgot even existed. Cheese & Bacon? I don’t know her. Cheddar? Haven’t thought about her in years. But I made myself eat every flavour in the spirit of science and, well…I felt like a snack.
We ranked Arnott’s Shapes from worst to greatest:
#7. Cheese & Bacon
These are disgusting. Straight up. They don’t even deserve to be classified as Shapes. I assume Cheese & Bacon Shapes were made after they used up all the delicious flavours and were just left with sadness.
First of all, the flavour is so overpowering. It’s offensive to me. There is a smoky element that is just gross and bitter. Because the flavour is so strong, more than a handful of these Shapes is way too much. This makes them terrible for snacking — the purpose of Shapes to begin with.
Secondly, ummm for a brand claiming “Flavour you can see”, well, where is it?! You can’t see shit, other than a basic-ass biscuit. Lastly, while the flavour is super strong when it first hits your tongue, after a few chews the flavour is totally gone. Terrible. Bad. The worst.
#6. Savoury
We can all agree, Savoury is the most vanilla flavour on this earth. Aside from a stingy sprinkle of salt, they are tasteless. Plus I find them just that little bit too crunchy. Like, it’s an effort to chew. No thank you.
I also think the fact that there are four different shapes to choose from is rather stressful. Which is the best shape for optimum crunching? Which shape has the most pointed edges and therefore is hazardous? These are the questions I ask myself and I don’t need this added stress in my life.
*SCREAMS AT THE TRIANGLE SHAPE*
Some might argue that Savoury should be below Cheese & Bacon but I would hit back with the fact that at least eating Savoury Shapes can be aided with a yummy dip. NOTHING can save the dreaded C&B.
#5. Cheddar
Now, we’re talking! The Cheddar Shape is a good time. Not the best time but, you know, I wouldn’t kick it out of bed in the morning. Wait, forget I just said that.
My main issue with Cheddar is that it’s a very one-note kind of flavour. It’s cheese. We get it. It’s a lot of the same strong taste and after a few handfuls I easily get sick of it.
Saying all this, in term of texture… it’s bang on. Each biscuit is coated in a delicious crumbly coating. I’d definitely snack on it if it was all I had in the house but I would never buy the flavour on purpose.
#4. Nacho Cheese
Oh, man. When I tore open my packet of Nacho Cheese my expectations were sky high. I have always had a soft spot for this flavour. Most people are usually Team Barbecue or Pizza but I only had eyes for my royal blue bois. So it pains me to admit that the new recipe sucks.
These are not the Shapes I fell in love with. Don’t get me wrong, they are still tasty and the flavour is much more complex than Cheddar. But the overpowering red dust that coats each biscuit tastes so much like tomato that I miss the cheese flavour all together. Sorry friends, you have slid way down my list of faves but you know what you did.
#3. Barbecue
Speaking of changed recipes, WTF did Arnott’s do to Barbecue Shapes?! I know they are claiming that they fixed a previously revised version of the beloved flavour but err…this ain’t it, chief.
The biscuits themselves are just lacking the colourful specks we used to expect. Just look at this “flavour you can see”…
Do I need glasses, ‘cos I can barely see anything?!
They are so stingy with the dust. The flavour is still good but not strong enough. New recipe aside, Barbecue is still great to snack on and have a yummy spice to them. They’re also not too overpowering and the biscuit base is thin and light so you can eat the whole bag in one sitting… if you want. (Don’t judge me, it’s been a hard week.)
#2. Chicken Crimpy
My name is Tara Watson and I am an ex-Chicken Crimpy Hater. While my work colleagues have been telling me for years to jump on the Crimpy Train, I resisted. Mostly because I often find chicken flavoured things a bit dull. But I can admit when I’ve made a mistake and I now see the light.
Chicken Crimpy Shapes are fucking good. They melt in your mouth like butter, the flavour is not too overpowering and once you have one you just can’t stop.
With sweet and salty notes, the flavour is much more complex than expected and just all-round addictive. The size of the biscuit is on the large side but I think in this case it works because I just want as much Crimpy as I can cram in my mouth.
Crimp me up. Crimp me all night. Who run the world? Crimpys.
#1. Pizza
As if I could place any other flavour of Shapes as number one? Pizza has always been there for me. Pizza can do no wrong. It’s (arguably) just the most perfect flavour to exist. It’s delicious in every way. The Shapes are small enough to chuck handfuls in your mouth at any given time.
The texture is perfection. Delightfully crunchy but simultaneously light on your tongue. I often start a bag of Pizza Shapes and can’t control myself. A handful becomes handfuls, a bag becomes a trolley load.
GIMME ALL THE PIZZIE SHAPES I CAN FIT IN MY GOB.
I NEED A NEW HOBBY.
SET ME FREE, ARNOTT’S.
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In conclusion, Pizza is the winner but Chicken Crimpy, you sexy vixen, comes in as a close second.