23 Things That Happened On The Second Episode Of ‘Bachelor In Paradise’

Shake up another espresso martini and wake TF up because more drama never sleeps and tonight’s episode of Bachelor In Paradise was filled with it.

It was the hotly anticipated episode of Richie and Alex reuniting and while the two skirted around “grubby” and “salacious” details, they both agreed they got the closure they needed.

If only I had known sooner that the way to get closure was to be forced onto an island with your ex then I would’ve probably saved a lot on therapy bills.

Anyway enough from me and my black, jaded heart.

Here’s what went down on Episode 2 of Bachelor In Paradise.

1. When asked whether he or Alex ended their relationship, Richie said Australia wasn’t ready for the “gory” details.

Lol actually, no Richie, we very much are and this is the exact reason why both of you were brought to this island, let’s not get that misunderstood.

2. Rachael was beyond shook to see Richie, except he didn’t recognise her straight away.

SAVAGE. He literally was like, “oh, Rachael?” as though he never took her to home visits or met her family.

3. Rachael said Richie is “the one that got away” and Cat told her she has a crush on him too.

There are two wildly unbelievable aspects here:
1. Cat has a crush on Richie after 3.7 seconds
2. Rachael is still, after all this time, holding a flame for him?

Rachael tries to stand her ground by reminding Cat and Cass that Richie is “her” Bachelor. Except… he didn’t choose her.

But don’t let a tiny thing like details get in the way.

4. Richie told Rachael nothing would ever happen with him and Alex again, and she replied with “That’s because you chose the wrong girl.”

“That’s what Australia said,” Richie said sadly, probably thinking about Nikki and not… Rachael.

5. But the real story here is why are all these girls frothing over Richie when American Alex is right there with his American abs???

IMPORTANT REMINDER PEOPLE, WAKE UP!

6. Alisha still has a crush on Paddy… even after spending more time with him.

7. Queen Vanessa Sunshine returned and dropped a sick burn on the Honey Badger.

“He was a prize I didn’t want to win,” she said.

8. Vanessa was then forced to smell a bunch of shirts and pick which smell she liked the most for a blind date.

OK so when Vanessa does this it’s fine, but when I smell shirts on the train all the men are like “ma’am please step away from me?”

While she thinks all the shirts look hideous, she picks out a shirt with the nicest smell and it happens to belong to Nathan. “You’ve got to be kidding me that’s who I picked,” Vanessa said.

Honestly, Queen of honesty, Queen of my heart.

9. Richie said he’s forming a nice friendship with Cat, while she reckons he’s into her romantically.

Honestly after a few too many daiquiris I also think people are into me even when they’re giving me no signals and that’s why I’m sing-

Wait, sorry this isn’t a sad narration of my life. Let’s keep going.

10. Alex Nation rocked up and Richie desperately searches for the first way to GTFO.

Meanwhile, in Rachael’s narrative that makes no sense to anyone but Rachael, she started freaking out that Alex was on her way into paradise to steal her man.

11. Vanessa and Nathan are definitely not falling for each other on their massage date.

And I mean, with that technique… I can see why.

12. The Richie and Alex scene finally happened.

You can read more about it here.

13. But in happier news, Brittney finally got her conga line going.

The greatest love story of this show will be Brittney living out her dreams and I am here for it.

14. When Brooke asked American Alex what his spirit animal would be, he said a Badger.

Can you imagine the abs on their future kids though? Honestly, I ship these two.

15. Rachael finally asked Richie why she was sent home and hinted at another chance while he made up some weird metaphor to dance around the issue.

“Sometimes there’s a fork in the road and you take a direction and you’re still on the road aren’t ya,” Richie said.

Umm am I on the road to hell right now, because between that line and the Honey Badger’s metaphors from last year, this show is really testing me and my patience for men.

16. Brooke and Alex Nation had a cheeky flirt on the sex couch.

We learn they were meant to meet up for a drink sometime in the past but it never eventuated.

American Alex and his abs assure us he isn’t too concerned about Brooke and Alex N having a solo chat, though old mate probably should be.

17. A new American intruder, Connor, arrived and said he’s most known for throwing someone’s photo in the pool during season 987 of the US Bachelorette or whatever it’s up to now.

Luckily Kayla was able to swim on in and retrieve it.

18. Alisha whisked Paddy off for some romance.

None of us deserved to be put through whatever this was.

19. A rose ceremony was called and Alex and his abs were wearing some interesting pants.

Sorry this is an Alex and his abs fan account now, and while I would normally judge someone for wearing pants that match the flowers on the table, I WILL allow him to wear them to our wedding!

20. Rachael tried to freak out Nathan by talking about marriage and kids and he called her out on not being honest about Richie.

Rachael had decided Nathan was too young for her and was obviously trying to shut down his crush on her by… asking if he’s ready for kids. Nathan then basically called her out on not being over Richie and said she could’ve been honest about everything.

The kid, he is right.

Meanwhile Rachael’s man Richie was off getting to know Cass and without a sassy, strong-willed woman (aka Alex, Cat or Rachael) dominating his time, Richie finally loosened up.

21. At the rose ceremony, everything was going relatively smoothly, though tbh I think someone maybe needed to check in on Richie.

He’s had a rough 12 hours on the island and I think he’s starting to feel it.

22. When it was actually Richie’s turn, he gave his rose to Cass and Rachael had perhaps the most dramatic reaction of all time.

Honestly, me when I found out Bachelor In Paradise started a day after Married At First Sight.

Nah, poor Rach just slipped off the podium and quickly recovered in time for…

23. After Nathan gave his rose to Brittney (we live to conga one more week!), Cat stormed out before the rose ceremony fully ended.

“It’s humiliating standing there on a pedestal waiting for a guy to pick you,” Cat fumed, even after last year she spent her time doing… exactly that.

Oh well, see you tomorrow night to wrap up the week!