We Ranked Every Cadbury Choccy Block & You Can’t Change Our Minds
There are some debates that Aussies have had since the dawn of time. Where to store tomato sauce? (Answer: the fridge.) The correct name for deep-fried potato slices? (Answer: potato cakes.) But what about which Cadbury chocolate block is the best? With everyone having their personal preferences, a clear answer is harder to find.
Over the past few months, due to the stressful circumstances we’re currently living under, I’ve been plowing through block after block of Cadbury Dairy Milk choccy. I’ve basically memorised the entire row at the supermarket and I find myself standing there every trip without noticing. Something possesses my body and as soon as I step foot in a Coles or Woolies I’m pulled towards the section of Dairy Milk Bubbly. I can’t explain it.
But not every block of chocolate has earned its spot in that aisle. I would argue some flavours should be ditched by Cadbury entirely. It’s time to rank them all to call out the varieties not pulling their weight. I’m, of course, not the first to rank choccy blocks. This ranking actually reckons Fruit and Nut is the best. Ummm. Who hurt you?
Our definitive ranking of the best Cadbury chocolate block:
#24. Turkish Delight
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, WHO wants to eat food flavoured by a flower?? I ain’t crawling around Bunnings scoffing down plant petals?! Turkish Delight is to blame for all our problems. Turkish Delight is the reason 2020 sucks so bad. Turkish Delight is the reason Kath & Kim ended. Turkish Delight is a blight on society.
#23. Tropical Pineapple
Who asked for this?! This flavour is already in the Snack block and is arguably the worst option (behind Turkish Delight obvi), so how on earth is there an entire pineapple block BUT no strawberry?! I am ON EDGE.
#22. Dream
White chocolate is terrible. People only pretend to like white chocolate to seem fancy, or they’re allergic to milk chocolate, and in that case play on. But I don’t think anyone CHOOSES to eat this stuff. It’s so sickly sweet that it tastes like you’re eating a can of condensed milk which err, I’ve definitely never personally experienced.
#21. Caramilk
This is basically just white chocolate flavoured with caramel! Don’t get it twisted! While one or two pieces are nice, a few rows are just too much.
#20. Fruit & Nut
This is the ‘OK, Boomer’ of chocolate block varieties. This is the flavour you get your Dad every year for his birthday and he still acts surprised. It’s just gross. The nuts are passable, but the dried fruit *shivers* is straight-up unpleasant.
#19. Coconut Rough
No one has ever said, “Gee, I’m fanging for a block of Coconut Rough!” While compiling this list, I had to double-check to see whether Coconut Rough actually still existed. How has it survived when I can’t think of a single person who would buy it?! Look, the taste is fine but it’s super forgettable.
#18. Moro
Anyone who knows what’s up will understand that Moro bars are just shit Mars Bars. Same goes for the choccy block, which just doesn’t taste as good as it should. The choccy and caramel parts are okay but the creme centre has a bad aftertaste. Mars Bars would never.
#17. Peppermint
Peppermint reminds me of stealing after-dinner mints from my grandparent’s house as it was my only access to chocolate as a kid, and yes I had a thrilling childhood. This choccy is fine, it’s just not anything I would choose to buy on purpose. But if it fell into my trolley, I wouldn’t take it out.
#16. Crispy Mint Creme
This is slightly better as the crunch-factor is fun. But it still tastes like you’re chewing on crispy toothpaste.
#15. Black Forest
This is another choccy I’m surprised still exists. It’s just an extremely old-fashioned and boring flavour combo. Cherry flavoured jelly? No, thank you. Biscuits? Umm, I like them in my bedside table drawer where I can see them (let me live!). I feel like we, as a society, have progressed past this flavour.
#14. Roast Almond
This should taste better than it does. I think the issue is that I associate almonds with healthy food and I don’t want anything healthy in my choccy while I’m trying to indulge. Get outta here!
#13. Milk Chocolate
I’m of the opinion that plain chocolate is boring. People who choose to eat basic milk chocolate are the people who drink lemonade. These are the same people who enjoy vanilla ice cream. For the love of god, dream bigger.
#12. S’mores
This sounds delicious in theory. My mind conjures up melty, toasted marshmallows mixed with chocolate and contrasted in crunchy biscuit. In reality, it’s just uncooked spongey marshmallows mixed with biscuit pieces. It’s good, it’s just not great.
#11. Top Deck
While I said above how much I despise white chocolate, it’s admittedly more tolerable when combined with milk. Top Deck is nice, I would never choose to buy it myself but it’s tasty enough. Tbh, I prefer when the white and milk chocolate are mixed together which brings us to the next entry.
#10. Marble
The call to bring back Marble was years in the making — and something we campaigned for — so when it was announced it was returning in 2020, we couldn’t have been more hyped. So was it worth the wait? Hmmm, yes? It’s nice, but ooft, we put it high on that pedestal. The flavour reminds me of Guylian’s Chocolate Sea Shells, which can be a good or bad thing depending on your taste…I’m personally not about them.
#9. Picnic
Picnics are probably my favourite chocolate bar (wanna fight me?) so you’d think the block version would translate better. These blocks are still yum BUT it ain’t a Picnic. Because it’s lacking the wafer layer, it tastes more like a caramel and peanut choccy block, which thankfully is still a tasty combo. I’m just glad we don’t live in the UK and our Picnic bars don’t contain sultanas. The horror.
#8. Rocky Road
Now, we’re cookin! Rocky Road is a beloved flavour combo for good reason. Sure, it’s slightly similar to Black Forest (I’m a woman of contradictions!) but with added peanuts, marshmallows and coconut, the block is taken to a whole other level.
#7. Oreo
This block is a flavour sensation. You’ve got the delicious choccy encasing a creamy centre which is filled with crunchy pieces of Oreos. It’s basically an Oreo dipped in milk then swimming in choccy. Win, win, win.
#6. Snack
Snack is a beloved relic of most of our childhoods, back when there was like five options of chocolate blocks and this was by far the most exciting. SO. MANY. COLOURS. While not all the flavours are created equal (*cough* turkish delight and pineapple *cough*), you’ve got strawberry, orange, coconut ice, and caramel waiting to save the day.
#5. Bubbly
Bubbly chocolate is better chocolate. It tastes all airy and it’s fun to eat. While the milk chocolate variety of this is a waste of space, both the mint and strawberry flavours are just so damn delicious. 11/10.
#4. Hazelnut
This is basically crunchy Nutella in a block of chocolate. Enough said.
#3. Marvellous Creations Jelly Popping Candy Beanies
This choccy block is a party. There’s a lot going on between the jelly pieces and the popping candy but when it’s all combined it works in perfect synergy. It’s delicious.
#2. Crunchie
The Crunchie block is the perfect choccy treat, as it’s just filled to the brim with honeycomb. I’d argue it’s tastier than a Crunchie Bar as the ratios are better, with equal choccy to honeycomb so it doesn’t taste overwhelmingly sweet.
#1. Caramello
Simply the best. It might be basic, but sometimes all you need is chocolate and caramel: there isn’t a more perfect flavour combo out there. It’s delicious, it’s decadent and it’s damn satisfying.