If Iconic Cartoon Characters Were On Reality Dating Shows
The Croods: A New Age is in cinemas from Boxing Day.
Have you ever watched so many hours of reality TV (and reality TV recaps) that it rots your brain?
One day you’re having a ball watching your fave movies and suddenly it’s all blending with the drama of the previous night’s ep. It’s all you can think about. It’s all you can see. It’s like you have rose (ceremony) tinted glasses.
Um, yeah, me neither. Anyway, here’s a list of what iconic cartoon characters would be like if they were on reality dating shows.
Eep
Eep is 100 percent the country girl. She would be super ballsy and independent, but at the same time seem weirdly amazed by literally everything (“NO WAY, you made that cheese platter all by yourself?” Note: he didn’t. They never do.)
She’s not going to put up with any crap, she’s never gonna wear heels, and she knows she has to pick a guy who won’t be intimidated when her dad ~jokes~ about having him killed on the first hometown date.
Guy
Guy is the sweet artistic boy with a mysterious past. He will definitely whip out an acoustic guitar at some point in the competition, and he’ll spend a good portion of every date wistfully staring out to the middle-distance.
Who hurt him? How many episodes until they tell us his tragic backstory? Who’s the lucky lady who gets to work through all this unresolved trauma?
Shrek
A true king. This is a man who knows what he wants, and what he wants is a quiet life in a swamp.
Fair warning: his entire season will be very swamp-centric. That seems weird until you remember that one Aussie dating show has already shown people having what looked like a disgusting mud bath and another is 100 percent dedicated to luring eligible young women to farms. Pretty standard tbh.
Lord Farquaad
There’s no one better to get a villain edit than an actual villain. He’s materialistic, conceited, obsessed with looks, and literally filled with a murderous rage. This is the guy getting cancelled at the very first cocktail party. He’ll immediately lose his job IRL and then make millions after starting an extremely cursed YouTube channel.
Minions
Look me in the eye and tell me that all the dud guys on these shows don’t already kind of look like minions.
They’re always bouncing around in the background, chortling and sticking their elbows into each other’s ribs. Some of them have hats, others have little props – but essentially, they’re all interchangeable and gone within a few weeks of episode one.
Grug
A secret sweetie! Sure, he seems like a barbarian – like, literally: he’s always screaming and hoiking people up over his shoulder – but he actually has a heart of gold. Grug would obvi be all about the nature dates. Expect a lot of camping and bushwalking, and maybe a few tears when he talks about his fam under the stars.
Phil Betterman
Look, this guy isn’t yet iconic. Phil Betterman is a new character who makes his debut in the upcoming The Croods: A New Age. He’s part of a new family – the Bettermans, “emphasis on the better” – who show the Croods a whole new way of life.
But here’s the thing: he thinks he’s better than other people, he wears an open shirt with nothing underneath, and he has a man bun. We had to include him in this list. He’s basically already a contestant.
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All images courtesy of DreamWorks Animation LLC. All Rights Reserved.
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The Croods: A New Age is in cinemas from Boxing Day.