DUMB SURVIVOR RECAP: Big Men Make Fire, As Ziggy Become Super Idolator
Another week, another chance to read this recap that’ll take a super complex show and break it down to a much more digestible level. Hey, Australian Survivor fans: let’s get real dumb.
We kick off and Odette is actually saying things. It turns out she is a person that talks and has a personality.
Over at other tribe ‘Sama-two’, everyone is about to die. Like actually die. They haven’t eaten in two days! They’re island is practically a third world country at this point. Henry and Locky are crying like precious man babies. They are hungry and are stomping around.
They need fire and as the big men of the camp, they must make it.
Henry stares intently at a pile of wood, hoping his yogi powers can actually ignite a flame with his mind.
‘Ooooh chaka laka laka, oooooh chaka laka laka’
The wood is not playing Henry’s game. The fire does not come.
*Rudely isn’t a fire*
Next up, Locky has a go.
He gets out a tea spoon and a tea cup. He’s reckons if he prepares a cuppa, the heavens to bring fire. It would be impolite not to.
It’s not working. Wtf!
Eventually Henry and Locky just stare at a plank of wood.
They fail again and Locky walks off into the sea. We never saw him again.
‘Man no make fire!!! Bye bye forever.’
Last ep Henry gave the Cookie Monster an idol clue for an idol that doesn’t exist. Well it does, but it’s already sitting pretty in the hands of Henry. Zen-Hen is such a snake. But he also has the sparkling eyes of a seductress and the golden tresses of an angel, so I forgive him.
Next up all the castaways get gifts from their fam to get them through their stay. The presents are not food/water/shelter and are entirely shit. Everyone gets upset.
‘Wtf is this?!? I’m hungry.’
‘A shit hat? Errrr thnx. I want food.’
‘Why didn’t they send food…?’
‘We can’t eat this?!???’
Odette is absolutely distraught over the very shitty presents.
‘What the fuck…’
Among all the crappy gifts, we do learn something about mysterious Yogi Bear Henry. Henry tells us that his mum passed away a mere 6 weeks before coming to Survivor. Watching Hen break into tears, I can actually feel my heart breaking in slo-mo.
NO, ZEN HEN. DON’T CRY MY PRETTY LONG-HAIRED PRINCE.
After tears all round, we rock up at the game thing. But for this challenge, Hostie Mc Biceps says that no tribe peep is being sent home, instead the winning team will win a reward.
From what I understand, each team has to design their own Australian Survivor logo. They are not good at it.
‘Ummmmm, this looks good… I guess…’
‘This is art, amirite…’
The least shit logo wins, meaning that Summer-Two-Her are going to ‘Fire Chat’.
Here Hostie Mc Biceps makes them vote for who will get an imaginary reward that could literally be anything/nothing. Ziggy gets the most votes, and she wins…errr..a rolled up piece of banana leaf.
Ziggy Stardust ain’t keen.
‘I am dead inside.’
She actually wins a ‘SUPER IDOL’. What’s that you ask? This guy will tell you…
