GO KARTS & DEADLY DUGONGS: Ep 11 Of ‘The Bachelorette’ Retold On Twitter
We’re a mere episode away from Sophie Monk’s a-a-a-mazing season of The Bachelorette wrapping up. Safe to say we aren’t coping. How will another bachy ever compare? Who the hell knows.
Before we continue any further, we should let you know about this adults-only one hour video we made of Apollo set to sensual music. Okay. We still got you? Let’s continue…
This week’s ep kicked off with Jarrod and Soph competing in go-karting and the wine-maker electing to be her servant for the day. He was waaaay too into it, and then went and gabbed on about how he’s super in love with Sophie. You guys have been on two dates, buddy. Pump the breaks.
Next up Stu met his match in an adorable friendly dugong that stole that show. Such a cutie! More dugong. Less Stu and Jarrod. Thnx. Stu then sort-of friend-zoned Sophie and it was confusing as hell. But yeahhhh, they’re probz soul m8s etc.
Then the big moment we were all waiting for… APOLLO’S DATE. It started out super cute, as the pair watched an opera performance on top of the Blue Mountains. No biggie.
But Apollo wasn’t showing the emotional maturity our bachy was after and it got worse as their date went on. Sophie tried to drag some kind/any kind of emotion out of Apollo, but the magician froze and went silent. Awks town. This didn’t end well for him and Australia is still mourning.
Luckily the hilarious Twitter banter is helping to heal our wounds (until Apollo is announced as The Bachelor 2018).
Ep 11 of The Bachelorette retold through its funniest tweets:
Jarrod and Sophie went go kart racing, as the plant daddy continued to pour his heart out.
Jarrod: I love you
Sophie:#BacheloretteAU pic.twitter.com/0KFQYKkPya— madi🌼 (@mxdelinerose) October 25, 2017
Jarrod: I've made some good friends along the way. #BacheloretteAU pic.twitter.com/8nlAPCDwXM
— Bachie Banter (@BachieBanterPod) October 25, 2017
Couples costume idea #bacheloretteAU pic.twitter.com/rXvWqAPAND
— #20GAYTEEN (@svpphic) October 25, 2017
Dear Diary,
I think Sophie and I had sex today?
Love Jarrod.#BacheloretteAU pic.twitter.com/d1YlUSZrn7— Jo Thornely (@jothornely) October 25, 2017
Jarrod is living his Britney dreams right now #BacheloretteAU pic.twitter.com/2anoeNp0kx
— Tali Aualiitia (@taliaualiitia) October 25, 2017
Can somebody give me an update on Jarrod's pot plant? #BacheloretteAU
— Leigh Sales (@leighsales) October 25, 2017
Stu and Sophie had hangs with a dugong for their date, which was random but adorable.
I like dugongs and all that but this is a shit date and exactly what Stu deserves. #BacheloretteAU
— Jane Kennedy (@Jane_L_Kennedy) October 25, 2017
If science wants to combine penises, chicken loaf and friendship, who are we to argue. #BacheloretteAU pic.twitter.com/QlxPtoS6Xr
— Jo Thornely (@jothornely) October 25, 2017
That dugong had more personality than most of the guys on this show #bacheloretteAU
— Hopzilla (@trinnybopper) October 25, 2017
Anyone else wonder how Stus wife and kids feel about him repeatedly saying he hasn't experienced happiness in a long time? #BacheloretteAU
— Steph Andrews (@sometimeseasame) October 25, 2017
Apollo’s date was awkward AF, as the magician froze under pressure when Sophie tried to get more emotion out of him. Breadstick?
‘With Apollo, I need to get deeper’
Don’t we all girl #BacheloretteAU pic.twitter.com/wEjEEx2J6d— Maddie Date (@datemads) October 25, 2017
Me watching Apollo and Sophie sit there in awkward silence #BacheloretteAU pic.twitter.com/XMJjsKL4gg
— Carlie (@carlie_dawn) October 25, 2017
#BacheloretteAU
Sophie: so what’s next for you?
Apollo: pic.twitter.com/opajjY8FNV— Brontë Coy (@brontecoy) October 25, 2017
I'm ready to get married when Apollo is ready to get married #BacheloretteAU
— Pain Queen (@ImogenDunlevie) October 25, 2017
I really hope "Breadstick" is Apollo's follow up single #BacheloretteAU pic.twitter.com/OY2aa3sGo9
— Caitlin (@caitiejayne) October 25, 2017
The rose ceremony confirmed the inevitable, Apollo had to go. Looks like it’s Jarrod Vs Stu heading into the finale. What fresh hell is this?
The 2017 version of 'blue steel' is 'shit 'bout to go down'. #BacheloretteAU pic.twitter.com/4ABji7FiuS
— Jo Thornely (@jothornely) October 25, 2017
Jarrod: I want to wear your skin and be your servant
Stu: I've had a vasectomy
Apollo: I just want to travel#BacheloretteAU pic.twitter.com/UEHk756I22— Aliza (@AlizanotEliza) October 25, 2017
Jarrod is literally going to pull a Steven Bradbury and be the last one standing by default #BacheloretteAU pic.twitter.com/7Y9QlTtiEJ
— Danni (@babooshka_yaya) October 25, 2017
Apollo, be free, run to James and begin the bromance of a lifetime #BacheloretteAU
— Kristin 🏳️🌈 (@HanShotFirst___) October 25, 2017
me trying to explain to Sophie why James was ultimately the right choice 😭 #BacheloretteAU pic.twitter.com/upNfUTlWnM
— mike (@boy_from_school) October 25, 2017
Apollo, on behalf of a lot of women in Australia, we look forward to your shirtless thinking on a beach for Bachie 2018. #Bacheloretteau
— Ira Snave (@IraSnave) October 25, 2017