All The Reasons Why Shrek Wanted Fiona To Stay As An Ogre & Not A Human Princess

The last 10 minutes of Shrek 2 is a cinematic masterpiece, facts are facts.

I’ve already written about how obsessed I am with this sequence, but today I am coming at to you for slightly different reason — to investigate why Shrek chose to keep Fiona as an ogre, and not a cutie human princess.

If you’re an uncultured swine who hasn’t seen Shrek 2, allow me to catch you up to speed with what I’m talking about.

Shrek tells Fiona that the potion (the one that made them both straight-up hotties) is still in effect and if they make out before midnight he will stay a daddy forever, and they can live the rest of their lives as a really hot power couple and reside in a castle and stuff.

Fi Fi replies, “I want what any princess wants. To live happily ever after…”. Shrek smiles and leans in to kiss her to seal the spell, but Fiona stops him. “With the ogre I married.”

I’m not crying you’re crying.

But why didn’t Shrek object? Why did Fiona choose to go back to being a big green bitch? Let’s investigate.

Ogre Fiona Is Thiccer Than A Bowl Of Oatmeal

Say what you want about Ogre Fiona, but baby got BACK!

I mean, are you kidding? Fiona doesn’t have a wagon, she has an entire backyard! You better let a boy know when you backing that shit up because we need to make room.

Shrek obviously wasn’t about to give up that green booty, and honestly, we don’t blame him.

Ogres Have Layers

We’ve known from early on that Shrek cares about onions, because they have layers. Ogres have layers too.

If Fiona transforms back into her human form, will she lose her layers? What is Shrek even talking about when he refers to layers? Is he talking about layers of skin, muscle, nerve and bone? If so, that’s really fucked up. You a freak, Shrek.

Shrek Doesn’t Want To Move From His Swamp

I don’t think there’s a love purer than Shrek and Fiona’s, but is it possible the reason Shrek was willing to allow Fi Fi to let the curse expire and return to Ogre form was because he didn’t want to move house?

Like, a swamp isn’t exactly the place for a human princess, right? People who visited would be like, “WHAT ARE YE DOIN IN SHREK’S SWAMP?!”

Shrekky boi couldn’t have that now, could he?

Fiona Is A Better Fighter When An Big Ogre

Shrek, Donkey, Fiona, the cat and the rest of the gang seem to get themselves into mischief often and who do you want on your side if it comes to a brawl, a human, or a big-as-shit ogre?

Hulk Fiona could crush Lord Farquaad’s tiny bitch ass.

Granted, Fi Fi has always been a good fighter, as evidenced in the first movie, but with all that extra meat on her bones, she really packs more of a punch, ya know?

Plot Twist: Fiona Made The Decision

Fi Fi was locked in a tower for at least 10 years. She’s an independent woman who makes her own decisions, and Shrek had no input whatsoever!

She loves her man, is comfortable in her own skin and enjoys the perks of being an ogre (like being thicc, strong and swampy). For that, we pay mad respects, our queen.

I hope you liked my investigation. If you didn’t, get out of my swamp.