An Honest Review Of A Garlo’s Pie, Which I Can Only Assume Was Made By Jackson Himself

If you’re anything like me (a perpetually hungry, easily convinced fool) then watching last week’s hometown episode of The Bachelorette probably had you craving a pie. A Garlo’s pie to be more specific.

Jackson Garlick may have been eliminated after hometowns and sent back to the pie empire his dad founded, but he still managed to be successful in another way on The Bachelorette: he sure got across that his family run a business that sells pies, and they take this very, very seriously.

From his red carpet entrance where he brought Angie, a coeliac, a pie, to his hometown where he rectified his error and served up a gluten-free, vegan pie instead, we were never left wondering about Jackson’s future. Jackson is the pie man, and we bow down to our overlord.

Also, let’s not forget about this huge photo hanging in the Garlick family home.

Now I am somebody who had never heard of Garlo’s pies before this Bachelorette journey, so after Jackson got the boot, I decided it was time to taste-test one myself.

Jackson told Punkee in his exit interview that his favourite pie is the curry beef. “I’ve got a favourite pie in every different protein, but if I had to pick one it would have to be curry beef,” he said.

When I made my way to Coles last Friday afternoon, it seemed like a sign – there was a small fridge near the fruit and veg section that was housing Garlo’s pies. And there was only ONE curry beef pie left. It was basically fate.

But was one pie enough to make an honest review? Obviously not, and I love an excuse to eat something “for content” to justify any poor eating decisions. So I also nabbed myself the only flavour left: “chicken breast.”

Yes, a weird flavour and I just assumed it would be a chicken and veg pie. But more on that later…

Here’s my review of Jackson’s favourite pie, the curry beef:

The first thing I notice about the Garlo’s brand is that they’re very proud of being “thin on pastry, but BIG on meat.” If there’s one thing you should know about my pie preferences it’s that I am a pastry fiend. I guess being “big on meat” is great if you’re into that, and yes I am still talking about pies here, you sickos. But I also think it’s important to have a balanced meat/pastry ratio.

Here’s me trying to pose with the very hot pie for my Saturday lunch. My gym instructor said it was important to get “protein in” after the body pump class I attended, so I took his word accordingly. He did also say the words “protein shake” but I just ignored that and assumed a pie would be just as helpful.

I know it’s normal to just bite into a pie and let it slop all over yourself but I am a dignified woman and I had an episode of Looking For Alaska to watch, so I ate it with a fork.

The Garlick’s weren’t lying when they said they were big on meat. The curry beef pie had a substantial amount of beef in it, but it still had a good meat/pastry ratio. The flavour was nice, and not overwhelming or too spicy.

In fact, I reckon they could up the dose a little to make it a little stronger in the curry flavour, but all in all it was an enjoyable pie experience and one I would probably do again.

I do believe the mess factor if you were eating it with your hands though would be quite significant. The big on meat thing is all fun and games until you bite into the pie and it slops all over you.

What I also liked about this pie was that after eating it I didn’t feel too heavy and gross. In fact I probably could’ve eaten two in one sitting. But that’s a challenge for another time.

Curry beef rating: 3.5/5

And here’s my review of the Garlo’s chicken pie:

First thing to note here is I saved this pie for Sunday when I was grossly hungover after a 30th. This means two things: firstly, I was in a fragile state and maybe I took it out of the oven a little too soon. Secondly, it came out looking like this when I tried to take it out of the case to test if it was hot enough.

Honestly, I should’ve been disgusted, I get it. What is that?

I know what you’re thinking. “Girl, bin it and love yourself.” But I had paid $4.50 for this bad boy and I was going to eat it. And it turns out, if I had done a simple Google beforehand I would’ve realised the Garlo’s franchise does indeed have a chicken and veg pie and it’s not the one I chose.

In fact, I had chosen the simple chicken breast, described on the website as “chicken breast in a beautiful white gravy.” Was the gravy beautiful? About as beautiful as me on a hungover Sunday morning with fake eyelash glue still stuck to my eyelids.

The gravy was rather congealed and the chicken wasn’t in sizeable chunks, it was more buried within the gravy in a kind of lumpy mess. But having said that it didn’t taste BAD. It just didn’t really taste like anything.

I did enjoy the sesame seeds on top of the pie lid though. Loved that thoughtful touch.

Overall while it didn’t taste as disgusting as it looked when I had dismantled it, the curry beef won over this flavourless chicken treat.

Chicken pie rating: 2/5

Anyway, if you need me, I’m off to go buy the thing I should’ve from the very start. A sausage roll.