I Talked To Guys On Tinder Using Lizzo Lyrics & I Think I Have A Boyfriend Now?
It’s no news that Lizzo has come to save 2019 and we’re not worthy.
Though she’s been around the music scene for years, it’s only been in the last 12 months that the majority of the world has sat up and paid attention to Lizzo’s absolute bangers. Her songs are catchy AF and filled with empowering lyrics about body confidence, loving yourself, and not letting any man get you down.
So what better test than to try out Queen Lizzo’s lyrics on Tinder? Going into the experiment I was predicting men weren’t gonna be ready for this heat.
And dear readers… as it turns out they were maybe TOO ready.
Here’s what happened when I talked to men on Tinder using only Lizzo lyrics.
1. This guy was quick to let me know he loves a “bitch woman”
Unfortunately he didn’t end up replying to my next line of “you coulda had a bad bitch, non-committal.” Maybe he doesn’t love “bitch woman” after all.
2. This mate wanted to be invited to my hell
Trust me sweetie, you don’t want my hell. My hell is watching the same episode of reality TV numerous times in order to- oh wait no, sorry that’s my job, got confused.
Anyway, I see what he’s doing here… he’s trying to distract me from my real intentions on this app with a compliment. Good sir, I will not be swayed.
Though I do have to say, typing out the next few lines physically pained me.
Poor guy is truly barking up the wrong tree asking me where I live when I won’t even be on this app later tonight.
3. This guy was ready and willing to solve my boy problems
“I put the cake in the oven” may be the most nonsensical response to someone who is already making ZERO sense and I have to give full kudos to this guy because I laughed for at least three minutes straight.
4. “Haha nice, let’s do it”
Men are truly the most bewildering creatures.
5. This guy was just ready to match my weirdness, so it could be true love
Ranking of importance when looking for a future spouse: Uber rating, knowledge of alleged peanut allergy, Lizzo lyrics.
6. This guy just straight up gave me his phone number
Things then took a turn when I dropped some ‘Truth Hurts’ into the equation.
Ahh, what could’ve been. Little does he know I’m not exactly hungover, just at work. It’s just about time to delete this app again.
7. But, finally. I found him. My true love. My new boyfriend.
For those wondering, his bio read: “In search of the one I can get high with, go to bed, and kiss her face.”
I’m off the market. Lizzo got me a new boyfriend. She really is 100% that bitch.
8. But all good things must come to an end, and eventually someone was picking up what I was putting down
Game, set, match. Literally.