It’s Time: Kinder Bueno Needs To Release A Family-Sized Block Of Chocolate
I’ve waited all of 2020 to speak my truth and the moment is finally here. I have one request to end this godawful year, and in my mind, it’s a relatively small one.
I am begging Kinder to create a family-sized block of Kinder Bueno.
Statistics show that the couple of months I spent in lockdown earlier this year would’ve been vastly improved had I been able to buy family-sized blocks of Kinder Bueno. Researchers have monitored my mood the days I have a Kinder Bueno vs. the days I don’t, and yep, you guessed it: the days I have one is a better day for me and everyone around me.
In case you’re not aware, Kinder Bueno is a delicious chocolate bar, with a hazelnut filling. It’s light, the perfect treat to go with a coffee, and sometimes when there’s a sale on at a grocery store, you can buy a three-pack for $2. In the words of Shannon Noll/Marcia Hines on Australian Idol, that’s what I’m talking about.
The cons of this tasty little treat is the packaging isn’t fantastic. Each bar is individually wrapped, then encased in another wrapper, so if you’re buying that specially marked down three-pack, that’s a lotta plastic waste.
How could this be solved?
By MAKING A FAMILY-SIZED BLOCK OF KINDER BUENO.
Picture it: one creamy, melt-in-your-mouth delicious block of Kinder Bueno, wrapped simply in only one plastic sleeve, positioned in the prime spot in your local supermarket (not down on the bottom shelf where they are normally kept).
Move over Cadbury blocks. See ya later Lindt. I’ll come back to you next week Kit Kat block. It’s time for the Kinder Bueno block to shine.
For some reason, a normal Kinder chocolate share pack exists, with this creepy motherfucker staring over the top of the pack.
Who is he? Why is he staring at me? Why is he offering me a shitty version of Kinder chocolate? Is he the one hiding all the Kinder Buenos?
Makes you think.
At this current time, Australia has a white Kinder Bueno chocolate, a milk one, and a dark one. This year a coconut one was even found in some stores. No one asked for it, but that’s fine!
HOWEVER! We still haven’t convinced them to let us have a family-sized block.
All I want for Christmas is to be sitting alone, in a dark room, with a family-sized block of Kinder Bueno, watching my favourite Christmas movie of all time, Titanic. Is that too much to ask?
We fought for Marble, now it’s time to fight for Bueno.
For years, Aussies rallied together to bring back Marble chocolate. Earlier this year, when the news was first announced that Marble was coming back, I even said “2020 was saved.” Sure, I am a huge f*cking idiot and things continued to get worse for the whole damn world, but I still remember that period after Easter when Marble adorned our shelves once again. It was a tiny feeling of happiness, in amongst the panic that I still hadn’t seen any toilet paper on the shelves for a good six weeks.
People have been fighting the Bueno fight for years.
This tweet from 2014 proves it.
Why hasn't a kinder bueno block been made yet, or if it has why haven't I bought one yet
— Chenee (@Chennygav) August 1, 2014
Someone was fighting the good fight in 2015 too.
It's 2015 and we still don't have a family/me sized block of Kinder Bueno wtf
— 𝕊𝕒𝕞 #BlackLivesMatter #ACAB (@samsuth1) August 11, 2015
This person is right. Life would be easier. I love to “share” too.
Life would be easier if Kinder Bueno did a “sharing” block
— A prick (@Rkhandoit) February 5, 2018
It’s been a hard year. 2021 could be worse, we don’t know yet. The least Kinder could do for us at this stage is bring us a Kinder Bueno block to eat our feelings with.
It’s what we deserve.