Get Your Tea Ready, Because Here’s Everything That Went Down In Week 2 Of ‘Love Island’

Welcome back. I guess you still have other ‘priorities’ and can’t watch every episode of Love Island. So you’re making me do it for you.

I get it. You have a ‘life’. It’s fine.

Make a brew, because here’s what went down in week two.

(Yes, I’m a poet.)

Sunday night: Gaslighting Grant became Australia’s No. 1 enemy.

Oooh boy. Turns out leading on two chicks while you’re being followed around by a camera is Not. A. Good. Look. Grant doesn’t seem like the sharpest tool in the shed at the best of times, but telling Cassidy to still pick him at the recoupling ceremony while then telling Tayla the same thing was always going to blow up in his face. This guy makes Jake Ellis seem like the most genuine guy on the planet.

Grant and Tayla did end up coupling up during the ceremony, and sealed the deal by doing some sort of frenzied foreplay in the bathroom. Charlie was the man who didn’t receieve a rose  a lady friend, so he was sent packing.

Monday night: Grant and Tayla are so horny that I needed to avert my eyes.

Grant and Tayla were all over each other, kinda like that really gross couple at high school who have just had sex for the first time and want everyone to know.

???????????????????????????????????????????????? #LoveIslandAU pic.twitter.com/9QH95RWrsO

— Love Island AU (@LoveIslandAU) June 4, 2018

When they weren’t busy touching each other, Grant and Tayla attempt to smooth over the fallout from their choice, in a house that’s now divided into Team Cassidy vs. Team Tayla. I’d say I’m Team Cassidy, but currently I’m actually just Team Tired!

Josh and Grant kinda smooth things over in that “Yeah, nah, dog move mate, yeah nah just need a coupla days to move on then we can have a frothy,” way.

Meanwhile, newcomer Francoise arrives and goes on a date with Elias, followed by John James. Francoise yells at the men to guess her age, and gloats when they both put her younger than what she is. She’s super proud of the fact she’s now the oldest woman in the house (at the ripe old age of 28) and thinks she’ll bring a new level of maturity. Or something.

Tuesday night: Grant continues being Australia’s biggest douchebag.

John James, who really needs to stop using two first names as a proper name, isn’t sure if Millie likes him back or not. Millie compares John James to dry Weet-Bix so we can safely say that’s probably a no.

In a kissing competition, the boys are blindfolded and have to rate the girls’ kisses. Grant, because he is a massive tosser, makes a “been there, done that” comment about Cassidy and rates her the lowest. Grant, like many fuckboi idiots, has seemed to forget he’s actually still the one to blame here and doesn’t need to do the douchey thing of making your ex feel like shit for NO GOOD REASON.

Sorry I just needed a minute to gently place a damp cloth on my forehead.

OK, but all’s well that ends well, because the other boiz rated Cassidy the highest. JUSTICE FOR CASSIDY!

Anyway, Grant also compared being with Tayla like putting sauce on a meat pie, so here’s a nice visual:

Wednesday night: Elias is in some weird love triangle except he’s more into ladybugs.

Elias just has no fkin idea who he’s into: Francoise or Millie. Elias, tbh, is mainly interested in the small insects that roam around the villa. Lmao, no not Grant and Tayla! Like, actual insects.

Millie shows Elias her favourite sex move, which is a very confusing thing where she basically does some handstand while he stands in front of her and– ugh, my GOOD CATHOLIC EYES, I CAN’T DEAL.

Francoise pulls Elias aside to see if he’s into her and he’s like “yeah, ya cool but also is that a spider????”. Regardless, Francoise chooses Elias to couple up with even though in a challenge he admitted he’d take Millie to the hideaway room or whatever it’s called where people go to live our their upside-down sex fantasies.

Meanwhile, in a challenge, Tayla admits she’d say yes if Grant proposed at the end of Love Island. Hahahahahahahhahahahhahhaha what the fuck.

Thursday night: A new big boi arrives and Sophie, I need you to blink twice if you need help???

Thursday night’s episode saw the arrival of Jaxon: a man who works with children by day and runs his own “entertainment” company at night. Yes, you know what that means.

Jaxon, bless his heart, seems like a genuinely good bloke but did accidentally label himself as a misogynist when I think he meant to say he was into monogamy. An easy mistake.

Dramatic Clickbait Headline: Jaxon straight up tells the girls he is a misogynist and Erin completely loses the plot! #LoveIslandAU pic.twitter.com/jXABxW0zy1

— Love Island AU (@LoveIslandAU) June 7, 2018

Da boiz had to do a strip routine for da burdz, and the only thing to note is Josh’s very weird robot strip routine may be one of the funniest things I’ve seen on the show so far. Yes, the bar is low, but c’mon:

Did Josh shaking his bot charge your batteries? #Arse2D2 ???? pic.twitter.com/ltEc7pBBmV

— Love Island AU (@LoveIslandAU) June 7, 2018

Elias decided to take Millie to the STD hideaway room, much to the disappointment of Francoise. And Sophie’s eyes screamed at us in the ad breaks to vote, while she looked like she was dying on the inside.

Oh, and John James walked out which was so sad! How will the island be the same without him? How will we go on without his witty banter? Remember the time he said about two words, and those words were just “I’m fine.” Ugh, we’ll miss you John James.

OK, that’s week two done and dusted. See you next week to see whether Justin will ever find love on the show.