Married At First Sight Chaotic Premiere Retold By Funny Tweets

The Chaotic ‘MAFS’ Premiere Retold In Hilarious Tweets

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After months and months of anticipation, trailers and gossip, Married At First Sight has started and let’s just say the first episode was explosive AF.

The first episode introduced us to the ten lucky women and men who are about to sacrifice their single lives for our entertainment. The hens’ and bucks’ nights gave us a little taste of what we may expect from our cast in 2023, and showed us some standout characters like Jesse, a groom with a long list of turn-offs, and Melissa, who is horny AF.

After we met the new group of grooms and brides, we eventually catch our first wedding. Lyndall, a 27-year-old accountant from Perth, is the first bride of our season. Lyndall shared a heartbreaking story about her journey with cystic fibrosis, and how a miracle drug gave her a second lease on life. The experts paired Lyndall with 27-year-old Cameron, who has never been in a relationship.

We then met Harrison, the blokiest bloke outta the bunch, who’s super sure of his attractiveness. Harrison is paired with Bronte, who people mistook for Ines Basic in the MAFS trailer. The pair’s wedding started off smoothly — even though Kirra, Bronte’s sister, labelled Harrison as “cocky” — but the nuptials were spoiled after a bombshell secret exploded all over Bronte and Harrison’s special day.

To relive the chaos, because we’re living for it, here’s the Married At First Sight 2023 premiere episode retold in hilarious tweets:

Lyndall is the first bride to arrive at the hens’ night, but before she makes her entrance at the gatho, she talked about her journey being diagnosed with cystic fibrosis. She then revealed that a new drug has expanded her life span by 40 years — we love!

We then meet Melissa, who is super horny. Throughout the hens’ party, she introduces herself as a “freak in the sheets”. Alrighty then!

The first groom to enter the bucks’ party is Cameron, a carpenter from Northern Territory who tells the other grooms during the bucks that he has never been in a relationship.

In comes Jesse, who is the embodiment of pure chaos. We have an inkling that we might love him for the mess he’s about to create. “Most people when they first meet me would describe me as pretty arrogant and cocky,” he says in a piece-to-camera. He then goes into a long AF list of his turn offs.

Jesse shares with the other grooms that he is a marriage celebrant, which should be interesting for when he gets married.

In comes MAFS daddy, Duncan, and the fellas are THIRSTY — even Jesse wants a piece of that chiseled jaw.

But it looks like Duncan has some competition as Harrison joins the bucks. In a piece-to-camera, Harrison said “girls think I’m hot”… LOL. He then follows up that statement by saying, “if you find a better guy, I’ll beat them by 10%”. Okay, Mr. Bunnings.

During the hens, Melissa’s horny attitude clashes with CEO Melinda and their whole interaction was hard to watch. Skip. Skip. Skip.

For our first round of weddings, the shit stirrers the experts paired up Lyndall with Cameron and their wedding was just super wholesome.

The second couple to be paired up is Bronte and Harrison. Godspeed, Bronte.

Lyndall and Cameron’s vows were fuelled with laughter and joy. We love to see it. Cameron also shook the crowd during his vows after he mentioned he had a  “21-week-old boy” *dramatic pause* “called Bodhi” who is then revealed to be a blue healer pup! 

But OFC not every couple’s wedding will be flowers and rainbows. Right before Bronte walks down the aisle, Harrison leaves a bad impression on Bronte’s sister, Kirra.

During Bronte and Harrison’s reception, we meet Bronte’s guest Jessica who hasn’t kept a straight face throughout the whole ceremony. It turns out she already knows the groom. Harrison starts an awkward chat with Jessica before abruptly exiting. His excuse? Someone was calling him, but we heard nothing.

Jessica then pulls Bronte away for a chat to reveal that Harrison has been dating someone else right up until he went on to MAFS. Jessica pulled out the receipts!!!! Jessica also claimed that Harrison told this girlfriend that he would wait for her and allegedly joked about getting her pregnant. Erm, yuck!

Bronte then pulls Harrison to the side to nip the situation right in the bud. Instead of coming clean, Harrison used the excuse, “I’m a single guy in Sydney.” The newly wedded groom then admitted he was seeing someone he had a crush on up until the week of his wedding on MAFS. Bronte described the whole situation as her “worst nightmare.”

Bronte tried to talk to Harrison about his situationship. Harrison fired back saying, “why are you attacking me over it?” Harrison even accused Bronte of “blindsiding” him with this information.

It’s yikes on a bike for this couple, as their special day is shrouded in complete tension. Kirra, Bronte’s sister, had a lot to say about Harrison and this rumour.

To balance out the toxicity of Harrison and Bronte’s wedding, Lyndall tells Cam about her cystic fibrosis journey. Cam then reveals that he understands her pain because a close friend of his had passed away because of CF. The bride and groom share a kiss after Cam reassures Lyndall that he would be there for her. Their whole wedding was just so sweet!

Bronte stares blankly into space as Harrison delivers his wedding speech, and we honestly feel so bad for her. Free our girl, Bronte!

What a goddamn rollercoaster!

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Married At First Sight returns tonight at 7:30 pm on Channel 9 and 9Now.