11 Things That Maybe Happened On This Week’s ‘MAFS’ Dinner Party? TBH I Think I Fell Asleep
Hey Married at First Sight fam. Want to know something weird? It’s only been ONE week since the toilet/toothbrush scandal. ONE WEEK!
Can you even believe it? Last week we were all so outraged over Hayley and David’s absolutely toxic romance, and this week none of us have toilet paper anymore because too many people have stocked up freaking out about Coronavirus. Didn’t realise the small chance of catching it would make you shit yourself, but here we are.
Speaking of things that make me want to shit myself, this week’s dinner party episode of Married at First Sight was pretty tame compared to last week.
Before we headed to dinner, we found out Lizzie and new husband Seb shared some passionate kisses while watching Forrest Gump. If their pashes were anything to go by on their wedding day, we can only assume Seb blew his load.
Meanwhile drama was hinted at with Cathy and Josh discussing that Michael has absolutely gotten away with his ~alleged~ cheating on Stacey, so they were heading into the dinner party hot, ready to speak their minds. This is because they’re currently stuck in the friendzone so they both have some pent up energy to unload somewhere else. We’ve all been there.
Here’s everything that went down on this week’s Married At First Sight dinner party:
1. Steve and Mishel were ice cold heading to the dinner.
In the car on the way to the dinner party, Mishel started lecturing Steve on the theory of evolution. She then told him if they had ever dug a hole in the middle of Australia to put the dumb people in, Steve would be one of the first ones in there.
Let’s not fuck around Mishel, literally every cast member on this show, including the experts, would be in there. Fuck, I’d be in there for spending so much of my life dedicated to this damn show.
2. Michael has decided he is not drinking at this dinner party and by that, I mean Lawyer Stacey has told Michael he isn’t allowed to drink.
Everyone is very tense after finding out Stacey has forgiven Michael. Josh and Cathy think it’s absolute bullshit, as does Connie and anyone else with eyes and ears.
3. The intruders walked in to the soothing sounds of Drew’s hit song “Kick Ons” blaring in the background.
Ahhh just kidding, I wish.
Straight away Lawyer Stacey did not take a shining to KC. “They’re cute,” Stacey said. “I don’t know about hot.” Look, Stacey, coming from someone who is still living with an adult-sized two-year-old, I’m not sure if your commentary is necessary at this stage.
KC decided to go befriend Stacey and got the cold shoulder. “Are you not happy?” KC asked Stacey, as though she couldn’t see the expression of contentment and joy on Stacey’s face and being matched with such a gentleman.
Stacey pretended not to hear her, or maybe she only heard the tinny sounds of KC’s hit song ‘Learn To Fly’ buzzing in her ears, hard to say.
4. Lizzie and Seb finally entered and the experts were super proud to be the ones throwing some drama into the mix for once, instead of the contestants going rogue with toothbrushes etc.
5. And finally Lizzie dropped a truth-bomb about the original couples. Someone had to say it.
6. At the dinner party, Lizzie tried her best to get the others to spill the tea. Eventually, Ivan cracked and told her there had been a cheating scandal.
So far Lizzie’s journey on the show is her reminiscing over how bad she had it last year. I’m just waiting for the moment the waiter announces that the food is ready and Lizzie goes “last year the waiter ALSO clinked his glass and said the food is ready and it just gave me flashbacks about how bad Sam was at dinner parties.”
Lizzie I love you but we get it. You were cheated on, I’ve been cheated on, my old next door neighbour Doris has been cheated on. “No I haven’t,” Doris yelled down the hallway. “I’m not even real.”
7. Josh and Cathy, the gold stars of a functional relationship, decided to go accost Michael and Stacey and find out why the fuck they’re still together.
Stacey says she’s forgiven Michael but the trust isn’t back yet. “That was the first allegation of cheating,” Lawyer Stacey told Josh, as though that cleared up all of Michael’s terrible behaviour up until this point.
Josh’s standpoint firmly is “once a cheater, always a cheater.” In fact, he told Michael to his face he thinks he will cheat again, and tbh we’re now a Josh Stan Club for tonight and tonight only.
There’s one thing we can all agree on however. We’re probably not hiring Stacey for legal advice any time soon. We absolutely won’t see you in court, sweetie.
8. Anyway, after that fight about literally nothing, Michael and Stacey appeared stronger than ever, high on the fumes of defending their drama.
9. Sniffing out some new drama, Lizzie decided to plant herself between Steve and Mishel for a front row seat to their blow-up.
ICYMI: Mishel and Steve were going strong until Steve told Mishel he wasn’t physically attracted to her. Mishel was upset that Steve had been telling the cameras and effectively “all of Australia” up until this point. Steve tried to defend himself by saying he was waiting for their physical connection to grow before he said anything to her. Blah, blah, blah.
You could pick a side, but in the end we’re all losers here for entertaining this argument between these two vanilla ice cream cones.
10. We’re all Steve in this moment.
See I’d recap their argument but it was so boring I ended up swiping through Hinge. Can we talk about the moment where everyone changed their profile prompts to debating about pineapple on pizza? Why is this such a thing all of a sudden? As Mishel would say, “SERIOUSLY!”
11. Steve ended up storming off and Mishel was super sad about it.
Mishel tried desperately to seek validation from the group that she was right and Steve was wrong, but like the rest of us they both didn’t want to pick a side. It’s like watching a Parramatta Eels game – it’s hard to fight for a team who consistently suck.
Anyway, I’m off to my own dinner party, where I’ll eat some zucchini noodles and cry a little because all you fuckers have cleared supermarkets out of pasta.