5 Of The Best Moments From ‘Real Housewives of Melbourne’

For seven years, we’ve had the pleasure of witnessing screaming matches, very real (totally not fake) apologies and our fair share of backstabbing, courtesy of The Real Housewives of Melbourne. 

So, in honour of the Housewives gracing our screens for Season 5, here are some of the best (or worst) moments of everyone’s favourite franchise. 

1. Tennis Court-gate.

In Season 1, the biggest battle was the Ladies v. Gina. After small snipes, it all came to a delicious head when, at a dinner party, Andrea had her infamous “sharing of grievances”. 

The grievances in question came from Andrea inviting the gals over for a stimulating round of tennis at her holiday house, where Gina was late, left makeup in the guest bathroom, AND wore her stilettos on the $40,000 synthetic tennis court for “comedy reasons.” 

This is obviously comparable to a war crime and Andrea treated it like one, laying into her on their Mission Beach getaway. 

Magically, in a moment of reality TV parallels, Andrea delivers her version of Kim K’s running a business speech, telling Gina, “You obviously don’t have a tennis court, I do. I spent a lot of time working to pay off the tennis court. Do you own a tennis court?”

In another moment of TV gold, Gina helpfully tells Andrea not to look at her if she upsets her so much and powders her nose while mayhem erupts around her. Iconic. 

2. Gamble’s Wedding Invites.

In this absolute scene of an evening, Lydia stirs the pot like no one else can, riling Pettifleur and her fuzzy Chanel hat up by spreading a little gossip. When hearing how the women are talking about her behind her back, Pettifleur interrogates Jackie who points the finger back at Lydia, who in turn is staring blankly into the sunset.  

At this point, like a real Lydiot, I’m thinking all the fun is over. 

Gamble then whips out her wedding invitations and presents one to Pettifleur who says, “I can’t accept until you have another think about why you’re inviting me.” 

With a flick of the wrist, Gamble sends Pettifleur’s invitation into the bushes along with a simple, “OK, I’ve thought about it. Get fucked.”

3. The Shane Warne/Sugardaddy.com debacle.

In this ep, after a cheeky day of baking, Suzie accuses Lydia of having the hots for Shane Warne and reveals that Warnie hit up Janet for a booty call. Lydia then acts in her starring role as ‘Woman who is totally not into Shane Warne and definitely not jealous that he messaged Janet’. Shoutout to the editor for placing Janet’s voxxie declaring she “wanted to smack that Lydiot” right after this scene. 

Lydia snitches some more (and loves it), and then we get our well earned finale, Pettileur yelling “Listen to me sugardaddy.com” at Gamble’s slack jawed face. 

At this point, I have to believe they’ve practiced these comebacks, otherwise I’ll have to live with the knowledge I could never measure up to this speedy an insult. Gina saves the day with her, “Fighting like cats in the street in the middle of the night” comment, which I think about always. 

4. Long Live Lydiot.

In my opinion, Janet’s best move was coining “Lydiot”, possibly manifesting Lydia’s endless source of misspoken quotes and unhinged ramblings. Cracker quotes include: Lydia being accused of spreading rumours and coming back with, “Go suck on your own fucking head”, wondering if two rights don’t necessarily make a right or travelling to the “United States of Emirates”.

But at least she’s self-aware. 

5. The Dubai Trip.

The Dubai trip’s highlight didn’t come until that fateful last dinner. After a getaway (and season) full of Pettifleur feuding with literally everyone, we have another airing of grievances, where her friendship skills were on trial. 

Gina cracks it and yells another iconic line, “You need to snap the fuck out of it! I’ve had enough of your indulged bull-fucking-shit,” and then goes on to absolutely eviscerate her. Pettifleur then does what any sane person does when confronted by a gaggle of housewives, lies down and sticks her fingers in her ears. 

Honourable mentions:

OK, so it didn’t happen in the show, but Gamble’s song ‘Classy’ deserves its own moment: if not for the fact that what started out as thinking I’d stumbled upon an SNL sketch turned into me having a 30-minute listening party. 

The best part is a YouTube comment comparing Gamble to Fleetwood Mac’s Stevie Nicks, to which she replies, “I love his tune[s] so much.”

Jackie getting legless at her La Mascara launch deserves a mention, where she does a very good impression of me on Chapel St waiting for the Uber home while my friends fight about whether to go to Macca’s or not. 

The last moment simply has to be Venus sharing her story of what I can only assume are psychopathic high school boys who “shat in [her] lunchbox”. And look at her now!

‘They shat in the lunch box’ pic.twitter.com/jBEoBCXxjF

— Housewives Historian (@cuntneykardash) October 21, 2019