An Idiot’s Guide On How Not To Get Kicked Out Of Your Schoolies Room

Whether you end up remembering it or not, Schoolies is one of the best times of your life.

You’ve just finished the HSC. You never have to see that shitty science teacher again. And you literally have the freedom to do whatever the fk you want to do (unless you have ethnic parents, then, it means nothing).

Over the past few decades, Schoolies has developed a bad rep from crazy teens acting like savages 24-hours a day for seven days straight.

However, as long as you have a roof over your head, there’s no amount of clubbing bans or drinking fines that can harsh your buzz and kill your trip (except, like, jail).

Therefore, we’ve put together a guide that will ensure you and your friends don’t get kicked out of your room this Schoolies.

Obviously use some common sense too. We left ‘start a fire’ and ‘open a chicken fighting ring in the master bathroom’ off the list, hoping it was assumed.

1. Stay the F*CK off the balcony

Trust us, the seccys issue balcony bans like David Dobrik issues cars. Forget having a party out there, even if you have more than three people with 0.03 volume music, you will be more sought after than those Albanian kidnappers in Taken.

It’s all for safety of course. They’re just EXTREMELY cautious after the more, bad cases, to put it lightly. So if they can stop drunk teens from stepping foot on their balcony, you best believe they will.

2. Don’t bring anyone to your room that isn’t supposed to be there

We might sound like Belinda Boring, but if you want to keep a roof over your head then FOLLOW THESE TIPS.

Some accommodations have seccys in the foyer checking IDs and ticking off the names of hotel residents. If you’re NOT on that list, then you’re NOT coming in. And if you’re like us and found ways to sneak the bitties in through the carpark elevator, be prepared to be caught and thrown out on the street.

3. Keep the music to a minimum… and by minimum we mean 0.00001

You might be thinking, “relax they can’t hear EVERYTHING.”  Trust us, we don’t know how, but they just DO.

You could literally cough a little bit louder than usual, and within 15 seconds you’ll have security knocking on your door asking WTF the ruckus is about. If you feel the need to boogie, then leave your room and head out to the clubs. Music is a NO.

4. Goes without saying but ABSOLUTELY NO PARTIES

We get it, we sound like your mum but SAVE THE WHIPS AND THE NAY NAYS FOR THE CLUB.

Having a party in your room is the BIGGEST factor when it comes to evictions. It’s pretty much everything in one: people in there who shouldn’t be, loud music, disruptive and disorderly people, and maybe some balcony chilling too. NO. JUST, NO.

5. Don’t be drinking in public areas… and that includes the hotel pool 

In some hotels, drinking around the pool is fine as long as it’s not glass bottles. However, if you’re caught drinking anywhere else around the hotel, you’ll be out faster than Charlie Sheen in Two And A Half Men.

That means the hotel lobby, elevators, hallways, etc… pretty much anywhere that’s not your room, you can’t be drinking. If you’re caught and you’re a hotel guest, expect your trip to be left-right…goodnight!

6. BE PREPARED FOR RANDOM UNEXPECTED INSPECTIONS 

Yep, you heard us. Sometimes the hotel or room manager will undergo random house inspections of the property. In some accommodations, this can happen EVERY SINGLE EVENING so be prepared.

We’re not saying the place needs to be spick-and-span every day, but just make sure nothing is damaged, everything’s being used properly and you have nothing lying around that shouldn’t be. It sounds insane but trust us, it’s in your contract!