Meet Every ‘The Bachelor’ Contestant About To Take Over Your Whole Damn Existence

The moment has arrived. It’s time to meet all The Bachelor contestants who will soon fight to the death on our TVs for the affections our new Bachy Matt.

From chemical engineers to children’s entertainers, there’s a huge host of women and personalities we will soon get to know. Plus, they’ve really boosted the diversity quota this season, there’s blondes AND brunettes. What a radical shake up!

Meet all of The Bachelor contestants for 2019!

Abbie, 23, QLD

This property analyst is unfiltered, vivacious and as we all know by now..a Gemini! She’s a complicated woman, revealing, “My dream date is one of two simple things: going to a drive-in movie with wine and cheese and watching Rocky Horror Picture Show or a classic film or fish and chips on the beach … also with wine.” I’m no mathematician but that’s many more than two things, Abbie! But who’s counting!

She says one of her relationship deal breakers is err…littering. “I cannot stand intentional littering. I would probably give someone a one time pass, but if it happened twice I couldn’t deal!” I’m praying Matt keeps the Bachy mansion sparkling clean… or else!!!!

Brianna, 24, WA

Brianna is a clerical officer and looking for a man who gets her sense of humour. Aren’t we all? I’m just looking for one dude that will appreciate the 50 cat memes I send daily, without calling the police.

She plans to stay out of conflict on the reality show. “I love to be drama free, which I think could be a bonus when being against several other girls who may not be.” Brianna, sis, you’re on the wrong show.

The 24-year-old says her secret talents include, “I can do a headstand, a great fake sneeze, and talk with water in my mouth.” ALL AT THE SAME TIME?! That is impressive. Marriage material, I’d say.

Cassandra, 33, SA

Cassandra is a successful business woman who knows what she wants it and is looking for someone “quite epic” to make a life with. “I’m single because I have a high standard of myself and others,” she said. “I have been quite focussed on my career and building my jewellery business.”

She is giving me serious Cat from Bali vibes and until proven otherwise, I will assume they’re the same person.

Her dream date is quite the journey. “Dream date is being pampered with massages, followed by snorkelling and good food.” I really don’t know how snorkelling fits into this but sure!

Chelsie, 28, VIC

This chemical engineer is looking for a spontaneous yet sensible man who enjoys the outdoors and learning new things. When asked what she could offer a potential partner, she replied with this mouthful:

“I’m pretty well set up. I have an investment property, I’m quite clever and can bring about general practicality. I am quite knowledgeable and reliable. I built my ex a business up from scratch, so I’m not shy of giving things within my ability.”

I’m sorry, but this is just not how a human speaks. I’m not entirely convinced Chelsie is a real person and not some bot installed in The Bachelor mansion. I suspect she’s an Osher AI.

Danush, 34, VIC

Danush might be an accountant but I won’t hold that against her. She’s a serial dater who says she just hasn’t found the right guy at the right time. “I’ve been pretty unlucky in love,” she admits. “I’ve tried it all… meeting through friends, the dating apps, meeting people out, being set up on blind dates and even meeting people at work. I’ve watched this show work for some couples and thought why couldn’t it work for me?”

I regret to inform Danush that the chances of finding love on this show is about as likely as Osher having a bad hair day. VERY UNLIKELY. But let’s hope for the best! What could go wrong?!

She says a guy being a smoker would be a relationship deal breaker and described her dream date as “dinner, on a yacht with great wine.” Woah. Such standards. Tbh, I’d be thrilled with some cheeky Nando’s in the carpark of my local Westfield.

Elly, 24, NSW

This country girl has some rather interesting criteria for her perfect man, saying they must be, “Someone who, if they have a dog, that their dog and my dog get along really well.” The dogs’ chemistry is vital and I assume a dog date and rose ceremony system will be put in place. I’ve already trademarked the Dog-chelor.

She describes her perfect date, saying, “I find sit down dinners can put a lot of pressure on… a fun activity is always a good option and a good chance to have a bit of banter! E.g. fishing, going to the beach etc,” she continued.

“If I let my imagination run wild, a dream date for me would be a day full of outdoor activities like fishing (and actually catching heaps of fish) and mud crabbing.”

I GET IT ELLY. YOU BLOODY LOVE FISHING.

Well, hopefully she can catch herself a handsome astrophysicist this season. (I’m very impressed with myself right now.)

Emma, 32, NSW

Woah, is it just me or is Emma totally a doppelgänger for last year’s The Bachelor contestant Emily? I’m pretty sure they’re the same person. Well, apparently “Emma” (*narrows eyes*) is a fashion brand manager who was born in Ireland.

She describes her dream date: “either for a nice picnic or a gorgeous restaurant where we can enjoy each other’s company and giggle over some yummy food and champagne.” I personally don’t get what’s so funny about that plate of cheese and kabana but go off.

Georgie, 32, QLD

This 32-year-old mum and self-confessed “whinging pommie” from Birmingham loves anything to do with history and seizes any chance to be challenged. You just know she’s That Bitch who’s a whizz at Trivial Pursuit.

Georgia described her perfect partner as “Someone who wants to build a great life and future with me. Who loves all of me and is proud of me. Someone who loves to travel but also enjoys Netflix and chillin’.”

When asked what she has to offer a potential partner, she said “I will love the right person forever.” Woah. OK, sure.

Hannah, 25, VIC

I am already Hannah’s biggest fan. When asked how she plans on winning over The Bachelor’s heart, she legit replied: “With my massive knockers. KIDDING!” I actually can’t breathe.

She continued, “I hope he will share the same dorky sense of humour and then it’s just a matter of working my womanly charm, battering my eyelids and showing off my lion taming skills. You know… just the usual things.” Hannah is a boss and we don’t deserve her.

She lists her deal breakers as “Passing judgement at not only me but people around us. Bossy. Good grief there’s nothing I hate more than being told what to do (outside of the bedroom).” Hannah is one horny bitch and I can’t help but stan.

Helena, 25, WA

Helena is a health coach which I imagine is someone who blows a loud whistle at someone if they dare pick up a donut or throws a dodgeball at them if they try to enter a KFC. She was born in Mauritius and this brutally honest lass wants a man “who can call me out when I’m being a pain in the butt!”

I personally only want a man who bows at my feet and writes poetry about my eyes but more power to you. She hopes in 10 years time to be “Happily married with three beautiful children.” THREE FKN KIDS. Matt has got his work cut out.

Isabelle, 29, QLD

Pilates instructor, Isabelle, says her ideal partner will be both book and street smart with the ability to grow facial hair. Dream big, Isabelle. She lists her deal breaker as someone who is “Unfriendly, unkind, or an unwillingness to have an open mind. Smokers, big partiers and self- obsessed.”

She describe her dream date as “Something easy and fun during the day. Nothing too fancy.” It’s weird ‘cos easy and fun is my personal brand.

Jessica, 30, VIC

This makeup artist wants to break the pre-conceived ideas that people have about her based on her looks, revealing “I’m hoping my tattoos make me stand out and my personality takes me to the end.”

She described her worst date as “I once had a date come to a party with me on my birthday and I went to get a drink and when I came back, he was kissing another girl.” Eww! Sharing a man with another girl is gross but thankfully sharing one with over 20 other women is super normal.

Jessie, 30, WA

Straight talking Jessie is a executive PA and describes her perfect partner as “kind, thoughtful, positive and adventurous.”

She wants a man that isn’t attached to his phone and says she hasn’t even tried online dating. “Never! It scares the daylights out of me. I’ve never really had to date in this social media era and I don’t like the sound of it at all!”

Tbh, swiping fellas while sitting in my grumpy cat onesie downing pad thai is my ideal dating environment. Please don’t knock it ’til you try it.

Julia, 28, NSW

Julia is a children’s entertainer and I’m sorry but that makes me envision someone holding up a creepy ventriloquist dummy called Dexter and I’m getting hysterical.

She calls herself a hopeless romantic and describes her perfect partner as “someone who loves God and loves me.” Julia claims she applied for show as she’s “been single for six years. It’s about time I go on a date.” Gurl, I feel you.

Keely, 27, QLD

This textiles designer is looking for a man that loves the outdoors and has a sense of adventure. The 27-year-old is passionate about sustainable textiles, natural therapies and eating healthy and reckons she’s a bit of a catch. “I am very low maintenance, you just need to make sure that I am fed and watered every couple of hours and I will be happy as can be,” she joked.

LIES!! Sorry, my house plant just died claiming the same thing and now I have trust issues.

Keely reckons she will try to diffuse the drama in The Bachelor mansion. “I would probably bring a plate of food and have a cool and calm discussion with that person.” Food does make everything better. Keely is wise beyond her 27 years.

Kristen, 25, QLD

Kristen calls herself a “China researcher” which definitely sounds like a real job and not a profession made up after a drunken night of eating nothing but Kung Pao Chicken. She’s passionate about encouraging young Australians to learn Mandarin and is known to her friends as ‘The China Girl’. Ugh, I’m just going to leave that there.

When asked to describe herself in five words she replied: “Compassionate, confident, ambitious, impatient, terrible-cook (I recently set a pan on fire trying to fry an egg).”

Mary, 31, VIC

This Brazilian mum is a hopeless romantic looking for her Prince Charming, who will ideally be tall, caring, a gentleman and… must have abs. She has a bit of a bizarre rule on dates: they need to kiss her within the first 30 minutes or it goes no further. Holy shit, Mary! That’s so soon!

I personally only kiss a guy after three months of dating and at least one marriage proposal.

Monique, 26, NSW

Monique is a fashion designer and a low-key tomboy at heart. She says she typically goes for the tanned and blue-eyed typical beach babes which is awkwardly the exact opposite to the guy Monique is about to date on The Bachelor. How fun.

She sounds like she’s going to stir a bit of drama between the girls. “I see myself as a bit of a tomboy, so I have lots of male friends and that’s not everyone’s cup of tea,” she said.

“I’ve been around guys my whole life so hopefully everyone can get along. There will be people who don’t get along but I’m sure it will be fine.”

Narrator: In fact, it was not fine.

Nichole, 25, QLD

This outgoing cafe manager apparently has no filter and will never back down from an argument. Nichole is looking for “a manly man” who is able to pitch a tent and fix anything, so basically Tim ‘The Tool Man’ Taylor.

She says she didn’t actually plan on applying for the show, explaining, “I was over at a friend’s house having a glass of wine and helping her apply. They suggested I should apply as well, so I thought “why the hell not, I’ve got nothing to lose!””.

Tbh, this sounds like something I would say. ‘No, I never meant to try out as the new Sun Baby on Teletubbies, my application just fell into their laps by mistake!’

Nikki, 24, NSW

Arriving at the first cocktail party wearing a cheerleading outfit, Nikki is already an icon in the making. Quirky and a little uncoordinated, she describes her perfect partner as, “Kind, funny, caring and enjoys snacks.” She definitely has her priorities in order.

Listing the reason our Bachy might be turned off her, she said “Aside from my man voice, maybe my dodgy fake tan when it is due for a revamp and I look like a tiger loaf that has been sitting on a Woolworths shelf for 45 years.”

Nikki is a star.

Rachael, 23, NSW

Rachael calls herself the ‘life of the party’ which usually translates to the person that loves belting out ‘Untouched’ by The Veronicas after too many vodka cruisers and has to be escorted off the property.

She loves to stir the pot and says she’s okay with confrontation. “Depends on the situation but if I think a problem is worth arguing about then I always stand up for myself and others. I won’t argue with somebody over silly little things though.” Just serious stuff, like sharing a boyfriend for a TV show.

Renee, 25, NT

Renee is a healthcare coordinator from Northern Territory, who loves to motocross and spearfish, hopefully not at the same time but who am I to stop you. She hopes to meet a smart and handsome man with ambition and describes herself as, “Small, sassy, motivated, quiet and funny.”

She reckons her relationship deal breakers are: “If you think you are better than people and rude. I’ve been taught from a young age to treat the CEO and gardener with the same level of respect.” Wow, your gardener is ALSO a CEO. What are the chances.

Sam, 29, VIC

Sam is a public servant who is passionate about gender equality and ending world poverty. Sam says she already has the house, dog and dream job so just needs to find herself a man.

She describes her ideal partner as “Someone who keeps me on my toes and makes me want to be a better person.” Weird. I always strive to be a worser person every day of my life and I’m so far succeeding.

Sogand, 30, NSW

Sogand is a civil engineer who knows what she wants and sets high standards. She is looking for a man who can hold a conversation and is honest with his feelings. She says she isn’t sure why she’s still single, admitting “I honestly don’t know! Maybe because I’m picky, or I don’t really go out to clubs or bars to meet people, or don’t do online dating, or don’t give every guy that comes along a chance.”

IT’S A MYSTERY. CALL SHERLOCK HOLMES.

When asked where she sees herself in 10 years from now, she replied “10 years from now, I’ll be 40! Oh God! I would hope to be married with a kid or two. Fingers crossed but no pressure Bachie!”

Sophie, 25, VIC

Sophie is a sweet and vivacious copywriter ready to take on any challenge life throws at her. From Italian and Ukranian decent, she’s looking for a long-lasting relationship (not necessarily a marriage) but wants a partner who definitely doesn’t have a mullet.

At least the girl has standards.

Tara, 25, VIC

This contestant shares not only my name but the name of one of the most iconic The Bachelor contestants of all time, so hey, no pressure. Tara is a nurse with a big heart and a low-key cat lady, often fostering cats when shelters don’t have room for them. (Umm, okay, this sounds like me.)

She describes her dream date: “I love a surprise. I wouldn’t want to know anything about the date, except the dress code. Some good entertainment, great food and even better wine. Hopefully the sun is shining, and the wind isn’t blowing my hair into my lipstick.” A girl after my own heart.

Tash, 34, NSW

Tash is a sports teacher so I already hate her. I’m getting flashbacks to Year 9 P.E class. “IT’S NOT MY FAULT I CAN’T FINISH THE BEEP TEST, MRS. THOMPSON! STOP THE BEEPS! I CAN’T TAKE THE BEEPS!’ I still feel the pain to this day.

Anyways, enough about me. Tash is a country girl looking for someone who enjoys an active lifestyle and wants to have a family. When asked her secret talent, she replied “If I told you, I’d have to kill you!” which is only mildly terrifying.

Vakoo, 23, NSW

Vakoo is a model who is yet to truly fall in love but is ready to meet The One. She has quite a long list of prerequisites in her potential partner, listing “Loyal, funny, charming, kind, hardworking, goofy, handsome, ambitious, warm and caring, strong, a good listener, family oriented… I could go on!”

Geez, I’d be happy if they had hair or wore shoes.

Most importantly, Vakoo ain’t taking anyone’s shit in the Bachy mansion. “If there are girls who are bullies or rude to other girls who can’t stand up for themselves then I will take on that sister role.”

–

The Bachelor premieres this Wednesday, 31 July at 7:30pm on Network Ten.