the bachelor recap tweets

Tonight’s Movie-Length ‘The Bachelor’ Marathon Retold Via Funny Tweets

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Oh boy, that Bachelor episode felt like it lasted 84 years.

The first half of tonight’s The Bachelor served up back-to-school vibes, as if any of us want to be reminded of what we were like in high school. I’m getting flashbacks to white Oakley sunnies, baby pink lipstick, and wristfuls of black f*ck-me bands. The horror.

At least the school-themed group date lifted the mood after it was revealed that season frontrunner, Brooke, had to depart the show after her grandfather passed away. It was a devastating blow, especially as many expected Brooke to be one of the last women standing. Will she come back? Read our theory here.

Corporate lawyer Carlie scored herself a date, which shockingly, didn’t take place in the sea, on a plane, or in a seaplane. Instead, Jimmy and Carlie glided down a building while harnessed to a wire, fetching a key along the way, which opened a locked chest at the bottom. You know, just normal stuff. For no discernible reason, they got dressed in ’20s outfits and then partook in some hula-hooping.

On to the group date, class was in session as the women went back to school and were divided into either debating or P.E. teams. Laura and Sierah stood out in both activities, so were rewarded extra time at the “school formal”. I’m sorry but it’s not a school formal unless someone is swigging Jägermeister out of a flask they stashed in their clutch, or your friend is crying because their boyfriend dumped them for being “too frigid”.

Ah high school, sweet, sacred memories. Then for some reason, another episode came. Like, I don’t know why. Laura made pasta with Jimmy, which got rather uncomfortable when she tried to kiss him and he was like, ‘No thanks!’ Then everyone’s mums arrived.

Let’s just jump into the tweets to hash out the entire movie-length episode.

Tonight’s The Bachelor retold via hilarious tweets:

Brooke had to leave the competition after her grandpa passed away. But no time for tears as Carlie is still here and going on a solo date with Jimmy. Jimmy and Carlie went to a bar to share a jug of beer. Nah, jokes. They abseiled from a tall building down to unlock a chest that contained ’20s costumes for a themed date night.

They do some pointless champagne-pouring and hula-hooping and it was so boring, I almost fell asleep just recapping it…I’m back! Carlie told Jimmy that she won’t conform to traditional female roles in a relationship and we have to stan. Jimmy stans too, as Carlie gets a kissy and a rosy. (I hate myself for typing that.)

The group date saw everyone go back to school, with the women divided in either the debating or P.E. team. In the debate, Holly, Rebekah (had to google that) and Laura won. Sierah won two rounds of dodgeball, which meant that she and Laura would get extra time with Jimmy at tonight’s school formal.

Osher dropped by to reveal Jimmy will be giving out a rose that will gift its receiver the next solo date. The women fought over Jimmy and Steph ran out of time to grab him. Laura was awarded the rose — love this for her!

At the rose ceremony, Steph was freaking out that she was about to get sent packing but instead Jimmy booted out Sierah. A real tragedy.

But wait…this episode is still going. Laura went on a pasta-making date with Jimmy and she showed a vulnerable side. Laura got a rose but then when she went in for a kiss, she got rejected. Savage. Laura got upset and Jimmy comforted her.

The group date saw all the women’s mums meet with Jimmy to ask him about his intentions with their daughters. Tahnee’s mum was prickly that Jimmy hasn’t taken her daughter on a single date — and her directness is rewarded with Tahnee getting a rose.

Jay copped an invite to the Bach pad, where Jimmy quizzed her about Steph claiming that Jay doesn’t want to have kids — something that contradicts what Jay told Jimmy. Jay denied it then questioned where the claim came from back at the mansion. When confronted at the cocktail party, Steph denied ever saying anything to Jimmy’s family.

At the rose ceremony, Rebekah pulled Jimmy aside to tell him she wanted to leave the show. Is the episode over yet!? Set us free, Channel 10.