Was This The Worst Season Of ‘The Bachelor’ So Far?
Well, fam. We’re done and dusted. The Bachelor 2018 is over.
As Guy Sebastian once sang, “it’s been a long and winding journey”. And let me tell you, angels did not bring us here today.
August 15 was the date this season of The Bachelor started. I know this because a) that day is my birthday and b) I have been counting the weeks until this show wrapped up. The weeks of rumours, gossip, fake stories, and manipulated drama. On Aug 15 I was in my twenties. Today, October 5th, I am a shrivelled up 84-year lady, a mere shell of who I used to be.
Remember Aleksandra? Rememer Urszula? Remember Autumn?
Of COURSE we don’t remember them, but they were contestants on this show. And we don’t remember them because this show has gone on for what feels like five decades.
Kayla jumping in the pool? Less than two months ago, not the two years it feels like.
The Mean Girls? Yep, that was THIS YEAR.
Remember the last time you had a good sleep, your tired head on a soft pillow, hopeful that maybe true love does exist? NEITHER.
But that’s my always mood and has absolutely nothing to do with this show.
So I need to speak my truth: I think we may have just witnessed the worst Bachelor season to exist so far.
I know what you’re thinking. “Weren’t you that same bitch who wrote Honey Badger would be a GOOD Bachelor?”
Lord, sorry Susan, I made a MISTAKE, OK? Haven’t you ever made a mistake?
Here are the cold, hard facts as to why this season was the worst so far.
#1. The dates were boring as shit
“Oooh, another made up sport, we haven’t seen enough!”… said literally no one ever.
#2. The connections were average at best
Truly I had a deeper emotional connection with someone I spoke to on Tinder once than the Badge had with any of these ladies.
#3. Nick had the emotional depth of a teaspoon
Yes, the Bachelors/Bachelorettes usually can’t divulge too much, but in previous seasons it’s at least been a bit obvious that they’re falling for someone.
All Honey Badger could do was make shallow comments on the how the women looked. “Yeah, mate, her hair blowin’ in that wind, lookin’ real good.” Are we surprised he didn’t fall in love? Really?
#4. The drama was too manipulated
The villains were too bitchy. The stage-5 clinger edit on Cass was uncomfortable to watch. The girls being pushed to breaking point numerous times didn’t make for great viewing.
#5. The breaking of the fourth wall was overdone
If I wanted to watch Unreal, I’d watch Unreal. Which I have.
But that’s not the point.
#6. Osher appeared less
The card-whipping duties got shared around a LOT this season. I know Osh was busy shreddin’ and practising an even lower and softer “you did not receive a rose” comment, but c’mon now.
#7. We literally know nothing about Nick as a person and if he was genuinely invested in finding love
Remember the way Sam looked at Snez? How Matty was head over heels for Laura? How Richie and Alex were horrific but also obviously into each other. Yeah, none of that this season. He could’ve basically been on a date with a human version of Alexa the whole time and acted the same way.
“Yeah Alexa, what a sort aye, pretty little thang isn’t she?”
#8. And then, of course, that ending was a total shitshow
💔💔💔 #TheBachelorAU pic.twitter.com/3NCDdw5R6n
— The Bachelor Aus 🌹 (@TheBachelorAU) October 4, 2018
He picked NO ONE. Out of 25 beautiful women, Badge realised he wasn’t ready to be with anyone. Bro! Normally I just go to therapy to deal with that kind of shit, not waste MONTHS of people’s lives.
But, on the plus side:
He didn’t necessarily lead the girls on any longer by picking a “winner”. And the girls did come out winners by supporting each other.
But goddamn. It’s hard to make Blake Garvey’s season look like a better love story, but I think it’s basically been achieved.
Hopefully next year we can focus on the Tim & Anna, Sam & Snez, Georgia & Lee and Matty & Laura-style storylines, with no more of this utter BS.