10 Things That Happened In Episode 3 Of ‘The Bachelorette’

Hi, welcome back to another episode of The Bachelorette. It definitely was on TV tonight, we know this because it’s a Wednesday. But whether this is a factual and accurate depiction of tonight’s events is yet to be confirmed.

One thing that is becoming uncomfortably clear on this season of The Bachelorette is that it’s Elly’s world and Becky is sometimes living in it. Elly got tonight’s single date (and we’ll assume Becky WILL get one tomorrow night??), but I can’t help but feel like Becky’s getting stitched up here. Giving her the ugly outfits on the group photo shoot last week was one thing, but then forcing her into some solo time backstage while Elly got the candles and lounge arrangement? So harsh, so harsh.

But firstly, let’s start at the very beginning. A very good place to start.

Here’s what went down on episode 3 of The Bachelorette. 

Footage of me watching it at home.

1. Elly picked her winner, Frazer, for the first solo date.

Wanna know what’s more boring than going on a first date yourself? Watching these two go on a first date.

There was no talk of previous relationship trauma! No bad-mouthing of family members! No “would you rather teeth for pubes or pubes for teeth” questions! They just giggled at each other, and flashed their eerily white teeth a lot.

Elly and Frazer were suspended above the Blue Mountains, where they then shared some champers and a sneaky kiss. All I could really think about, though, as they were doing this was “what if you needed to pee?” I just hate it when you have one or two glasses of wine, and then you gotta break the seal, but then you remember you’re been suspended thousands of metres in the air… ugh, so frustrating.

2. Elly gave Frazer a rose for being a good kisser, I guess.

I truly have nothing else to say about this date.

^^^ That’s just me watching them by the way.

3. The group date was the Bachelorette talent show!

“I was a bit unsure because I don’t really know what talents I’ve got,” Joe said, which is also what I say to my boss every annual review when he asks what future direction I see my career going in.

4. Some sinister music alerted us to the fact that maybe Adrian and James aren’t the greatest guys a gal could ever meet.

I’m inclined to say their overall fuccboi vibes from the start has also given this away. They definitely look like the kinda guys on Tinder who have bios like, “You want to know? Just ask!” with a winky face and eggplant emoji following it.

5. There were a number of props the boys got to choose from to show off their “talents”. Adrian demonstrated his juggling act, and James showed off his magic tricks.

I can’t help but think one of James’ magic tricks is the “now you see me, now you don’t!” as he ghosts you mid-date and leaves you with the bill.

6. Sam won the show with his ventriloquist act.

Sam actually seems very wholesome and lovely, so we’re a Sam Stan account now.

7. Oh, and Joe’s dancing show was reminiscent of all of us who tried to learn a new skill in the first month of lockdown, before we just leaned into our depression and anxiety instead.

Go off, King!

8. The girls whisked their respective men away for solo time, but can we just talk about the differences in the setups here?

Sorry, why have Becky and Sam been shoved backstage and forced to sit on a giant box, while Joe and Elly get the candles, flowers, and wine in an actual bucket scenario?

If I was Becky, I’d demand a refund! Go Karen on their asses, Becky!

Joe and Elly also shared a kiss. Joe had been kicking himself for the last six months for letting Elly “get away” and Elly is now wondering… is it fate that brought them back together? Or just a very sneaky Warner Bros. producer?

We’ll never know.

9. At the cocktail party, Adrian continued being Adrian.

Becky’s struggling with Adrian because while she’s attracted to him, he’s not exactly giving off the vibe he’s ready to settle down and give birth to her future children. In fact, she’s questioning if maybe he’s just there for da boiz.

As a general rule when dealing with straight men, if you have to question their intentions, more often than not there’s a reason for it.

10. And we farewelled FOUR guys, but the only ones worth noting were our current commentator Andrew and our favourite pineapple Saj.

Both gone too soon.

Both deserving of so much more screen time.

May they rest in peace.

Finally!

Yes, I have noticed all the comments asking where the REAL Punkee recaps are for this season. No, it hasn’t hurt my feelings implying these recaps aren’t the real ones… much.

TL;DR: we haven’t been able to do video recaps for this season unfortunately, but don’t fear! They aren’t gone forever. They’re just on a little holiday.

Until then, you’ll just have to put up with all the usual jokes and memes in article form, sorry ’bout it.