Justin Bobby Vs Brody: Who Is The Biggest ‘The Hills’ Fuckboi?

The sun is shining. The birds are singing. Life is good. The Hills is back in our lives.

While I’m loving The Hills: New Beginnings, I’ve got to say I’ve grown way too impatient waiting for a new hit of The Hills each week. So in addition to tuning in to the new series, I decided to also binge the OG series. It is just so damn good. I may have finished two seasons in one day.

No regrets.

Now that I’m watching the old seasons, I’m realising that The Hills platformed two of the biggest fuckbois I’ve ever seen on TV. There’s Audrina’s ex Justin Bobby, obviously, but I was a little shook to realise Lauren’s on/off fling Brody was just as bad.

So naturally, I needed to decide which one was worse based on my own personal fuckboi criteria.

Who is the biggest fuckboi on The Hills: The Brody Jenner VS. Justin Bobby edition

The smooth-talking fuckboi:

Justin always had a way of not really answering Audrina’s questions, instead using flowery language that err…didn’t make much sense. She could straight-up ask him “are we officially dating?” and he’d end up quoting Gandhi or something.

His words put a spell on women. All he’d need to say is “truth and time tells all” (umm wot?) and suddenly he hooked Audrina back in. That is pure skill.

Brody equally was a smooth-talker, possibly more so. Whether he was telling Lauren that he was “a cuddler” (ugh, vom!) or repetitively saying “I just like to see you smile”, it was clearly all just a ruse to keep her on his hook.

Honestly, who doesn’t like cuddles? Is this really something that needs to be advertised?? It’s a classic fuckboi move.

The fuckboi with commitment issues:

Justin will still swear that he and Audrina never dated, but it’s interesting watching back as, tbh, it really looks like they were dating. During Season 3, Justin and Audrina spent pretty much all their time together and even went on vacay as a couple to Las Vegas.

But when the topic was ever breached, Justin’s response was extremely vague. Like sorry, but ‘mellow’ is not a relationship status. I’ve checked.

If Justin was bad, I would say that Brody was on a whole other level. Brody played Lauren and he played her hard. They had consistent dates, phoned each other all the time and kissed occasionally and this was called being “friends”. Umm, I’m confused.

When they were together he’d fill her head with all sorts of mushy sentiments that I’m sure he said to every other girl he’s ever locked eyes with. It’s all part of his playbook.

The gaslighting fuckboi:

Justin has always been low-key gaslighting Audrina. And now that he’s back in the reboot and they are possibly going to date again, he still hasn’t changed.

He still makes her second guess what is going on and messes with her mind. Once a scrub, always a scrub.

Brody will forever be the guy who will complain about not being single, even though last time I checked he is an adult and made the decision to commit. It was tolerable when he had girlfriends, but now that he’s married… this is just cringe.

The way he speaks to his wife, takes out his frustrations on her and twists what happens to make every argument her fault is textbook gaslighting. I see you.

The fuckboi that won’t let go:

As contemporary philosopher Katy Perry once said ‘It’s never really over’ and Justin must have this sentence inscribed on his arm because he just won’t let go of Audrina.

Throughout the years and across four seasons, he was a constant in her life. Just when she got over him, he’d hook her back in. Even after Audrina married someone else (though she is now divorced), he told her that her ex wasn’t “the one”. Why do this now, Justin?!?

Same story with Brody. Just when we thought Brody was dead to us and that Lauren was moving on, he randomly wanted to kiss her in Las Vegas. What? Huh? Why now?

The chemistry was there and Lauren couldn’t resist him. Brody knew what he was doing.

The emotionally manipulative fuckboi:

I don’t know if Justin knew just how manipulative he could be in the early seasons, but wow. I’m still stunned that he managed to convince Audrina that she always agreed to stay casual.

Then there was the time he kissed another girl in front of her and said that she imagined it. Bitch, please.

I would argue that almost every conversation Brody and Lauren shared saw Brody try to manipulate the situation. Remember all the times he would insert Lauren’s bestie who he hooked up with, Jen Bunney, into the convo to trigger her? He is actually diabolical.

The worst example was when Brody kissed Lauren before she went to Paris and then she returned to learn he suddenly had a girlfriend a few days later. Lauren was obviously pissed off but Brody turned it all on her and played the victim.

Boo freakin’ hoo.

My verdict?

Justin Bobby is probz the greatest fuckboi on reality television but he is not half as bad or as manipulative as Brody-fucking-Jenner.

Brody is THE WORST. Period.