It’s Time To Finally Talk About How Terrifying The Muppets Are Because I Am Not Okay

We here at Punkee don’t like to shy away from the tough topics and today I need to free myself from a heavy secret I’ve been carrying all my life. I hate the Muppets. I find them terrifying.

I am not talking about Elmo, Kermit or Miss Piggy, I suspect those loveable characters are merely a bait-and-switch, getting kids to tune in before the true nightmare begins.

This is NOT for children.

I’ve always found most childrens’ TV to be creepy, let’s be real some of the kids’ shows we watched growing up in the ’90s and ’00s were straight-up disturbing. But the Muppets on Sesame Street or The Muppet Show remain much loved characters and I do not understand why.

To me, they are nothing but creepy at best and horrifying at worst. There I said it.

Me watching any TV show or movie that features the Muppets:

I would argue that the majority of the Muppets are so disturbing that they’ve left me emotionally wounded and I may never fully recover.

Here are just a few of the Muppets that still scare the shit out of me:

The Martians

These two blobs are responsible for so many nightmares. I still hear the sounds ‘yip yip yip’ outside my window at night.

Statler and Waldorf

I will never get over their appearance in The Muppet Christmas Carol. Don’t even get me started on that horror movie.

Animal

Why does it have chains around its neck?? It should be in PRISON where it BELONGS.

Pepé the King Prawn

This tiny creature has never stopped creeping me out. Why is a prawn wearing a turtleneck?! When will the madness end?!

Sidenote: What even is this thing…?!?

Big Bird

A bird just shouldn’t be THIS BIG. Stop pecking at my window, devil bird!!

Mr. Snuffleupagus

Don’t even get me started on Snuffy. I wonder when the screaming will stop.

Bobo The Bear

There is something oddly disturbing about the sad-eyed bear. He’s seen some shit.

Gonzo

Gonzo is no pretty picture himself.

This person has a point and now I can’t unsee it.

Gonzo from the Muppets used to scare the shit outta me and tbh still does. fuck that mangled dick looking nose and those haunting eyes shit is scary

— queen of the [liturgy] (@kowaldnj) May 1, 2019

Bert & Ernie

Okay, I can admit Ernie is a okay and he brings out Bert’s good side.

But Bert on his own is a psychopath. He has killed and he will kill again.

Fozzie Bear

Even the ‘cute’ muppets are also completely deranged and low-key murderous.

Dr. Bunsen Honeydew

Where are his eyes? Why have glasses when you don’t have eyeballs? I just can’t.

Uncle Deadly

WHAT IS THAT?? Is it a dragon? A crocodile? This is just not appropriate for kids.

Sweetums

I often see Sweetums standing in the corner of my room when I have sleep paralysis.

Make no mistake, deep down all the Muppets want you dead.

Never forget.

Unpopular opinion but the muppets are absolutely fucking terrifying.

— Julianne (@julianneayerrzz) January 15, 2019