I Used Tinder Passport To Rank Which Aussie Cities Have The Best Banter

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Anyone ever get pins and needles in their hands from another night of bored swiping? No? Just me? OK, never mind!

In the month of April, dating app Tinder made its ‘Passport’ feature free for users, meaning they could set their location to somewhere other than where they were at the time and get swiping.

When you’re not using it and see people 11,000km start swiping you, it’s very confusing. But when you do use it, it turns out it’s fun to go out of your usual city and see what else is on offer in other cities, states, or countries.

Given we can’t travel anywhere due to the current global pandemic, it’s almost like going on a holiday. OK, well that’s generous. It’s at least a good distraction from another night of moping around the house.

So what’s a bored, single gal to do in iso? Well, take advantage of the free Tinder Passport feature and get swiping across Australia, of course.

Here’s the official ranking of which Aussie cities* had the best chat on Tinder, ranked from worst to ‘yeah, this will do’:

Banter GIFs - Get the best GIF on GIPHY

*Please note for this experiment, only capital cities were selected and that no men were harmed in the making of this ranking.

Darwin

There are two things to take into account here. Darwin was my least amount of matches so it’s probably safe to say the lads of Darwin are just not that into me. But the second thing is, from the conversations I did have, the men of Darwin truly could not be bothered holding a conversation past what I like to call ‘the usual’.

This is ‘the usual’ for reference:

tinder passport isolation

One poor guy asked me how long I’ve been in Darwin for. I know it’s confusing to match with someone not in your radius but… my dude, it says it right there in the settings and my bio.

Darwin. Absolutely 0% banter.

Hobart

After a week of back and forths across the country, I couldn’t even remember if I did chat to anyone from Hobart in the end, which isn’t the greatest start. It turns out I did, of course, because that’s what this whole bloody article is about!

Hobart ranks slightly above Darwin (less photos with fish for one). There was one nice chap I chatted to that extended beyond the “how are yous” but… you know, not by much because we only talked about missing the gym.

tinder passport

He reassured me he had been working on his core strength during iso and was now pretty ripped, so that’s nice for him. We didn’t progress to being virtual boyfriend and girlfriend from there, sadly. Look, maybe I could have tried harder with my response, but the thing is… I had some other cities to be visiting.

Perth

I love Western Australia. I love its beaches. I love its chill vibes. I’m not a huge fan of Dome coffee but that’s fine. I’d probably still move to WA tomorrow if anyone asked me too. Like, literally anyone. My family. My best friend. My imaginary boyfriend. The old guy living upstairs from me, who likes to do his house renos at night.

But it doesn’t look like I’ll be moving to WA to meet my perfect match… yet. Grand old Perth delivered the niceties and the common getting to know you questions, but the only convo I had that went further was some guy telling me about how he broke iso rules to invite a Tinder match over for a hookup. 0 points to Gryffindor.

But look, Perth was a step up from Darwin and Hobart. I had a few nice chats before they inevitably fizzled out, as they tend to do when you’re over 3000km from each other. Or at least, that’s what I’m telling myself.

Adelaide

OK, as I began swiping in Adelaide the bios were an immediate nope for me. So many weird quotes? No real photos? WYD Adelaide?

tinder passport adelaide

After I did collect some matches in SA, the men were nice. Banter wasn’t exactly off the charts, but they seemed polite and well-meaning.

Having said that, I covered a lot more areas and topics during the general exchanges with Adelaide men – from music, to movies, to Mario Kart, the SA boys do have some conversational skills.

There was even a level of progression during my time in SA. I had a deep chat with one guy about breakups, taking time for yourself, and trying to date in a pandemic and he didn’t ONCE mention he was horny! Adelaide may have some potential y’all – except, admittedly, this guy WAS from Melbourne originally, so maybe that says more for Melbourne.

Sydney

So I’ve been on and off dating apps in Sydney for the last two years. It’s like, every 100 swipes you find someone that actually wants to hold a somewhat interesting chat with you, where they actually give you enough details about themselves to ascertain they’re not a murderer.

Sydney guys could 100% do with picking up their game though. The other cities on the east coast are running bloody circles around them. Let’s be real, Joel, you’re not distracted with F45 anymore – try harder than asking what suburb I’m living in. It doesn’t even matter right now anyway.

isolation-tinder-passport

Since my last relationship ended 157 years ago, I’ve been on four Tinder dates in my life (all with Sydney guys) and let’s just say, I don’t think I’ll be making it to five after this pandemic ends.

Canberra

My theory is guys in Canberra are better at sustaining a convo on dating apps than some of their bigger city mates (e.g. Sydney) because there’s a smaller dating pool, so they just have to try harder.

Quite like me, Canberra men also seem to be using Tinder right now to waste some time getting to know people, without feeling the need to express how hard iso is on them and how they haven’t been touched by a woman in so long. Which is more than I can say for some of my Sydney matches.

There was one guy though, absolutely not impressed with the fact that I was more than 200km away. “Why would you do this if we can’t meet up?” he asked. IDK bro, maybe like… read or watch the news.

Also, serious question men. Why do you make profiles like this?

tinder passport isolation dating

Brisbane

Brisbane was actually a pleasant surprise in banter stakes. The guys were certainly a lot more chill and I’m even going into business with one to sell my infamous Anzac slice, after I talked to him about a baking venture gone wrong. Just trust me on this one and don’t ask any further questions.

I’d say the best part about the Brissie matches was that the guys tended to open with questions a little more thought-provoking than “how’s your week?”

I had a chat with one dude about the strangest thing that had happened to either of us this week, and it was a great ice-breaker. Also it’s important to note, not once did any of my chats get inappropriately sleazy.  Turns out Brisbane has banter – who knew?

Melbourne

Before the Rona hit, I had actually been contemplating if moving to Melbourne was part of my future 2020 plan. Then, a global pandemic hit and Sydney also delivered the most glorious autumn month in April and I thought “yeah, maybe not.” But I digress.

I had a feeling coming into this challenge Melbourne would win out, based on a visit there last year where the men tried a little harder to sustain a conversation. Again, I’m not saying they’re dateable, I’m only going off the initial banter here.

Apart from the fact every man is a musician, a writer, or in an open relationship,  so you start feeling like you’re talking to the same person, Melbourne slightly outdid the other capital cities when it came to chatting. I had to start less convos, the getting to know you questions were less mundane, the overall chat was a lot funnier/easygoing than the other cities (this otherwise means that people got my jokes).

oprah shrug gif | Oprah, Oprah winfrey, Looking gif

Only one man tried to vaguely express how horny he was early on and then even apologised when he realised he overstepped the mark. What?!

Well done, Melbourne. But it’s still potato scallops, you psychopaths.

One final note:

For reality fans out there, trust me when I say there’s never been a better time to be on dating apps and trying to match with an old MAFS or Bachy star. ???