Punkee Recaps Vanderpump Rules: This Reunion Is Suspiciously Calm
Part One of the Season 11 Vanderpump Rules Reunion has aired and I’m not sure if everyone took a valium prior because it was surprisingly calm.
For those who remember the absolute shitshow that was last year’s reunion (filmed just three weeks after Scandoval broke), you’ll recall how the preferred methods of communication were screaming, pointing and swearing. However, this year, the cast have seemingly matured (unsettling) and were actually ready to have difficult conversations without ripping each other’s heads off. Welcome to the Twilight Zone.
We open with the cast arriving at the studio the morning of filming. Everyone is getting glammed, and from what I can see, the looks are on point. Schwartz jokes about having PTSD flashbacks from last year, Sandoval says he hasn’t had much sleep, and Lala mimes boxing moves to Ariana and Katie, warning them of what’s to come during filming.
Everyone sits down on set and can I just say, huge props to whoever okayed the final looks because the colour blocking/coordination is phenomenal.
Image Credit: Bravo/YouTube
Bravo overlord Andy Cohen is our host, and kicks things off with a joke. “I’m Andy Cohen, here with a group of people in desperate need of a mediator, and since Ann wasn’t available for the night, I’m gonna see if I can do the job.” We all laugh.
Andy greets each of the cast individually. He asks Lisa if she feels different this year, and she tells him that she found last year to be scary (same). He makes a plant joke to Schwartz (love it). He asks Sandoval how he’s feeling, and Sandoval responds, “I’m feeling a lot better than last year” (no shit). He asks Katie about Something About Her, and she reveals that it’ll be open by the time the reunion airs. He compliments Ariana about her Broadway debut and she tells him, “I’m having the time of my life.”
He congratulates Lala on her pregnancy and notes that both she and Scheana have both recently purchased new homes in Valley Village. He tells Brock that it was nice to see more of him this season, and Brock says that he’s “the best version of [himself].” Finally, Andy turns his attention to the “number one guy in the group,” James. When asked about his look (a pale pink suit), he explains, “I’m bringing the Kennedy Kenergy.” Bless.
Niceties wrap up, and Andy gets to it. “After a shocking end to last season and an internet-breaking scandal, I think most fans of the show were floored to see that Tom and Ariana were still living together under the same roof.” Ahh yes, the old real-estate chat. Boring as always, both Ariana and Sandoval explain that legally they’re unable to discuss it. “I know it’s a hot topic”, says Ariana, before explaining that she’s recently been either living in New York or staying in an AirBnB back home.
Andy asks Schwartz about his housemate proposal to Sandoval in San Francisco. “I know that was a little schticky,” Schwartz admits. “A little?” Andy interrupts, to the amusement of the group.
“Part of me was like, ‘What if I never get to propose again and I wanna remember what it feels like?’” Schwartz tells Andy, with Katie and Ariana eye-rolling to each other. He reveals he’s spent $100k in rent the last two years (what the FUCK) and everyone thinks he’s crazy and that the thought of the Toms living together is a horrible idea.
We move on. “This year, everyone in the gang decided to come back to the show, except for Rachel who opted out,” says Andy, asking Lisa what her take was. “All of her actions were so kind of unpredictable, I really didn’t know. But all this nonsense on a podcast, and her denigrating all of us, it’s absolutely ridiculous,” she declares. Sandoval tells Andy, “I always encouraged her to take some time away from everybody, including myself.”
“Looking back on last year’s reunion, do any of you have any regrets about your conversations with her?” Andy asks the group. Lala jumps in, “I think had she come back we would’ve had a very constructive conversation, but I stand behind everything that I said at that reunion.” Ariana definitely doesn’t regret anything she said, “I had the courage to stand up to my perpetrators,” she tells Andy. “I think credit needs to be given to her with that,” Lala says, noting that Ariana had a solid support system but Sandoval and Raquel were public enemies.
Sandoval is pissed though. “Looking back, I think she’s a fucking coward. I’m sorry to say it, and I think her sitting back, preaching to everybody that she’s moving on, but still talking relentlessly about me and everybody is just fucking ridiculous.” Yikes. Schwartz adds, “Also like her spinning this and acting like you masterminded this and she was just a victim is absolutely malarkey.” “We both did this!” Sandoval vehemently insists.
Lisa chimes in about something Raquel had said in the last week in the press, and Sandoval clarifies. “She used the word ‘groom’ which is beyond fucking slander considering she is not underage. That implies pedophilia!” This leads to a heated (yet still relatively calm by Pump-standards) back and forth between Sandoval and Lala over the definition of the word ‘groom’. “It’s taking someone that is younger than you and more impressionable than you and someone that is at a higher level of power than the other person,” Lala passionately explains. “Well guess what? I was very impressionable when she took all her clothes off and jumped in my fucking pool!” exclaims Sandoval. Mate…
Image credit: Bravo
Andy asks Lala if she thinks Raquel was groomed. “I will admit, I have been a projector,” Lala answers, referring to her own struggles with ex-fiancé/POS Randall Emmett. “Only Raquel and Tom know what the fuck was going on, and he’s gonna see it differently than she does. I tend to lean towards the chick a little bit more. My biggest problem was what she said about Ariana,” Lala explains, as we see a flashback to the girls discussing Raquel’s podcast claims that she and Ariana were acquaintances at best.
“I don’t like when the female who’s been affected by the man suddenly is targeting the women who really had her back in this whole situation,” she tells Andy. “She pursued this, as did I,” Sandoval jumps in. “What you’re saying is that you were equal partners?” Andy asks Sandoval, who confirms that is indeed what he is saying.
Still on Raquel, Andy brings up her revenge porn lawsuit, with both Sandoval and Ariana staying silent. They can’t answer it, it’s ridiculous. “Ariana didn’t send that video to anyone, she was not distributing it,” Scheana states on behalf of her legally silenced bestie. “It’s one thing for her to come after me, but to come after Ariana, I’m like, I’m questioning if she has a fucking soul,” Sandoval tells the group. “Well she doesn’t,” says Katie. Andy asks James what he thinks, with the latter telling the former he’s exhausted and over it. “Well, you brought her into this group!” Andy exclaims, with everyone jokingly mad at James for starting this mess. “Sorry, sorry everyone!” he laughs.
Andy takes the tone down, addressing Sandoval about his mental health. “You told Lisa that during the aftermath of the revelation of the affair, you were having suicidal thoughts. Tell me how you’re doing now it’s a year later.” Sandoval tells Andy that he has his ups and downs. “Anything I say or do is very, very heavily scrutinised, you know, and I’m not perfect, and I’m not the smartest dude, but yeah. It can be very, very difficult at times.”
Andy asks Lala and Scheana how Lisa telling them about Sandoval’s thoughts changed the way they were processing what was going on in the group. Lala says that she was still very angry at him, but hesitant to question the validity of his claims given the potential repercussions. Scheana concurs, having been in that dreaded position before. “I’ve lost someone to suicide before, and I remember the last conversation I had with them and I wasn’t really supportive and it was just kinda like, ‘Well look at where your choices have put you,’ not knowing they were in that dark of a place, and that’s weighed on me for years.”
Andy shifts focus to Ariana, interested to get her take on the situation. “Well, I was not someone who was coming after him, so what he was going through was not something that I was creating. But at the same time, I do remember very quickly after our last reunion him weaponising my… You know, as I’ve talked about on the show, suicidal ideation is something that I’ve dealt with. Anxiety and depression are things I deal with on a daily basis, and I just didn’t wanna be a part of those conversations,” she tells Andy firmly.
“I’m curious as to how I weaponised your suicidal thoughts,” says the most clueless man in the world, Sandoval. “You talked about it publicly, Tom. We had this conversation”, says Scheana, before we see a flashback of her tearful conversation with Sandoval last season where she questioned why he chose infidelity over breaking up with Ariana. “Like, I brought it up because I felt that it was used against me in a very textbook manipulation tactic, and I hate to say that, but when you’re like, in a relationship that is not going well, and then you’re like, talking about how you want out…” Sandoval defends himself, grossly.
“Well hold on a second, it’s very different, because this was an intimate conversation between the two of them. When you told me about your feelings and suicide ideation, you were putting it out there yourself of your own volition. It wasn’t Ariana’s position,” Lisa tells Sandoval, who explains that he chose to reveal Ariana’s dark thoughts because he didn’t believe them. Jesus.
“Well now you know how it feels to have those kinds of thoughts and have people say I don’t believe it,” Lala tells him. “If you wanted to call bullshit, you should’ve walked out the fucking door!” exclaims Scheana. Go girls, educate that fucking loser.
“Well Sandoval, as you try to move forward from the affair, it seems like you take two steps forward and ten steps back, and you really stepped in it when you compared your affair to George Floyd and OJ Simpson,” says Andy, (I’m involuntarily cringing). “So talk to the people out there, talk to the people in the room, about why they should believe that you have grown and changed.” For those who may have missed it…
Image credit: Bravo
“I’m not defending anything I’ve said. I was just talking about the absurdity of this scandal, and I just thought of big things in the news. Obviously, they’re way bigger. They’re parts of movements,” a dejected Sandoval answers. “Did you feel like you were saying these are real things that happened that were newsworthy and this was capturing attention that was not?” Lala asks him. “Yes exactly!” exclaims Sandoval, “I’m seeing the scandal sandwiched in between the fucking war in Ukraine and like, some other shit, and I’m like, this is stupid. Why are CNN fucking talking about a cheating scandal on a guilty pleasure reality show?” I’d like it on the record that I for one do not feel guilty about the pleasure this show provides me.
“It was a click-bait headline, and that’s the problem. I’m not paying the subscription to read The New York Times”, says Brock, which makes me laugh. No one besides Andy admits to actually reading the article. “You should fire your PR team,” Andy tells Sandoval, lol. “There’s a concept called intent versus impact. It doesn’t matter how you meant it, the problem is the impact that it made,” Katie chimes in. “For the sake of the fucking show, can you stop talking to people?” she asks Sandoval. “Yes!” Sandoval exclaims, clearly over putting his own pedicured feet in his own mouth.
We move on to baby chat! Lala confirms to Andy that her donor was the one selected by her friends at the sperm donor party, and he asks her about the custody agreement with her aforementioned piece of shit ex, Randall, over their sweetie daughter Ocean. “I don’t see it coming to an end anytime soon,” she says solemnly. On her pregnancy, she emotionally shares, “I feel like I’m giving [Ocean] what I wanted her to have, which is like, consistency and like, a sibling that’s close in age. You know the other two kids are much older. They get to go to their mum’s together, they get to come back to their dad’s.”
She tells Andy that she and Randall’s first wife Amber are very close, and they often get together with all the kids (as they’re half-sisters) to ensure they bond, given they’re unsure of what happens at Randall’s house. Andy changes the tone by asking whether Lala is dating. “The men are a-knocking now that I’m knocked up!” Lala tells him. “Yeah, cos they know you’re not gonna get pregnant!” Lisa jokes. “My boobs are like not gonna be like this when I’m not pregnant so I’m like, someone better come and enjoy them, and I get really horny when I’m pregnant,” she shares. Get it, mother.
Baby talk continues when Andy brings up the inimitable Summer Moon. Scheana and Brock explain that between them, Scheana’s mum Erika and their new part-time nanny Gabby, they’re pretty set. Andy asks Scheana about her postpartum OCD, and Scheana explains how it’s often misdiagnosed as postpartum depression. “There are similar symptoms, but it’s more intrusive thoughts, more me seeing a worst-case scenario play out in my mind,” she says.
Andy addresses Scheana’s fear about Brock and Lala hooking up, and Scheana explains that it was triggered by Scandoval, but exacerbated by social media. “I do at times live in the comment section,” she admits, telling Andy there’s a discourse about Lala and Brock lighting up whenever they see each other. Lala jumps in, “What I can do is promise her that that will never happen. Of course I look at him a certain way. He stepped up to the plate when, like, there were no men around to kind of help me navigate,” she tells the group, before she and Scheana joke that they’re all a throuple. You guys looking for a fourth? Asking for a friend.
Image credit: Bravo
“Brock, I saw that you and Scheana took a trip to Australia recently. Were you able to see your ex-wife and kids?” Andy asks Brock. He explains that he didn’t, given the decision is up to his kids, but clarifies that he’s up to date with child support payments and has been for two years.
“Courtney’s respectfully like, ‘I’m not keeping you from the kids, but the kids haven’t told me that they wanna work on this relationship with you’ and I don’t know how to push that button, or if I can, so I’m just figuring that out. It’s been tough,” Brock shares despondently.
“I think that you’re handling it really, really well. You’re showing a tremendous amount of respect and you’re a great dad to Summer Moon,” Lala tells him. “Do you feel like Summer Moon is your second chance at being a dad?” Andy asks. Everyone is silent and a bit teary watching Brock get emotional. “Yeah, now I believe that I have a second chance,” he tells Andy through tears. “I feel like there’s also some guilt there, because he wasn’t always there for the other kids, so that’s been tough too, because he’s so fucking incredible as a dad!” Scheana explains. “Actions have consequences, you know?” he says.
“No Brock, I will say, it’s really incredible watching you with Summer, and it makes me like, definitely like, eat my own words,” Katie tells him, before we’re shown a flashback to Season 9 where Katie is questioning why Brock is estranged from his first family. “I’m a harsh judge of character and it’s mostly a protection thing for myself and for my friends, but like, you are an amazing father.” We love to see it!
Moving on, Andy turns his attention to the star of the show, Ariana. “Well, Ariana this year you bounced back from an earth-shattering breakup only to land on top of the world. You booked a tonne of brand deals, you finished third on Dancing with the Stars, went to the White House Correspondents’ Dinner and released a New York Times Best Selling cocktail book. I’m exhausted just saying all this,” he exclaims, “Plus, there’s a new leading man in your life. It’s been almost a year now since you started dating Dan. How’s your relationship progressed in the last 12 months?”
Ariana discusses how being in NY for Broadway has been fun and a nice break from long-distance. “It would be nice to be bicoastal,” she tells Andy, explaining that due to family and business etc she doesn’t see either party moving permanently yet. “I’m curious if you think getting into the relationship with Dan helped or hindered mourning the loss of the 10 years with Tom?” Andy asks her. “I think it’s gonna be a long time before I’ve processed all those things, and I don’t wanna put my life on hold, for you know, some day that I may or may not consider myself quote unquote fully healed,” she shares. “Well it’s not a destination, it’s a journey,” adds Katie.
Andy turns his attention to James, drawing comparisons between Ariana and Dan’s new relationship and James and Ally’s. “Why do you think your new relationship was more scrutinised than Ariana’s?” He asks. “Well, when that breakup happened, everyone chose her side instead of my side. She was like the ‘it’ girl and me and Ally were like, the people that were still around”, James explains, referring to his breakup with Raquel and how she was embraced by the group over him. “I never doubted Ally and I and I knew over time you all were gonna love Ally,” he says confidently. “You’ve done so much growth that we’ve all seen and so I’d like to apologise for making you feel like that,” Brock tells James. Is Brock the number one guy in the group??
“Sandoval, speaking of relationships. I’ve seen online that you have a new girlfriend, how’s that going?” Andy asks Sandoval. “It’s going great. She doesn’t watch the show. She has her own successful career, she has her own house,” he gloats. “Used to date Leonardo Di Caprio I read?” Andy prods. James points out that he finds it kind of freaky because in Sandoval and Ariana’s house, one of the rooms has custom wallpaper featuring Leo and a model exiting a chateau. Life’s pretty weird when you’re fame-adjacent, I guess.
Andy changes the topic. “Schwartz, you and Lala were a little flirty this season. How did that come about?” Lala laughs. “This is why I’m mean to people, because me being kind comes across as flirty!” Lisa exclaims that she’d love to see the pair together, and Andy asks Katie how she felt seeing it. “I found it a little weird and that it was mostly on Schwartz’s end,” she tells Andy. “First of all I would never do that because she’s a homie, but I would eat this man alive!” Lala shares confidently and every single person on the planet agrees with her.
Andy asks Lisa if she thinks closing Pump was the right decision, and why she didn’t consult the Toms about moving some of Pump’s elements over to their restaurant. “I think we were in the middle of such a shitshow with the backlash on TomTom. We were actually talking about changing the name of the whole place,” she admits.
“While Pump was closing its doors, around the corner was Something About Her, and y’all were having your own problems getting it open. To what do you attribute this series of delays?” Andy asks the ladies. “We did not know what was lying ahead, which was a bunch of red tape and all sorts of issues,” Katie tells him. “I think it was a multitude of things, of disagreements, of Ariana being away. You could get through your drain issue and your health issues in a year,” Lisa chimes in, with Katie and Ariana sharing a confused look. “We’ve never had a disagreement about me being away…” Ariana insists.
“Given how much grief the boys took for how long it took to open Schwartz and Sandy’s, Schwartz, is there any part of you that is kind of like, ‘Uh-huh, hold my beer’?” Andy asks. “No, because I feel your pain and I know how frustrating it can be!” Schwartz tells him. “But a small part of you… I saw that smile, it went ear to ear when you said it’s still not open!” James jumps in, laughing and calling Schwartz out. “No it’s more like now they get it, now they understand,” says Sandoval, before Ariana quietly cuts him off. “No, I got it, and I understood the entire time. I was very supportive of Schwartz and Sandy’s.” FAIR.
“I want to talk about something different. How did it feel Ariana, for you seeing Lala interacting with Sandoval this season? Did it make you want to take a step back from her?” Andy asks Ariana. “I want you to be honest,” Lala insists, turning to Ariana. “Ok I have to be really honest, I haven’t watched any of this season…” Ariana admits. There are a few looks of disbelief throughout the room.
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“Why didn’t you watch the show?” Andy questions. “You know, previous seasons I would watch everything, but this one, I felt like I did not wanna get dragged back to this time of my life when I felt like I was really trying to live in the present and focus on the future”, she tells him. Again, fair.
“But I was transparent with you all season,” Lala tells Ariana. “Yes, and that’s something I really appreciate about Lala, like, as a person. You said to me, ‘I’m working through stuff of my own,’ and I was aware of that,” Ariana explains.
“Katie and Lala, there was some tension between the two of you this season that bubbled up on multiple occasions. What do you think was the root of why you two weren’t connecting?” Andy asks. “It started because she and Scheana started getting close and Scheana and I were not in the greatest place. So I felt like, ok well what is this gonna do to our friendship?” Katie explains.
“And did Katie getting closer to Ariana also affect your relationship?” Andy probes.
“In the DM, the initial DM when she was upset about Scheana, what she had put in there was extremely hurtful,” Lala discloses. “She talked about my custody battle.” Yeah look, that’s something you don’t wanna be doing with Lala. “You said, ‘Get rid of your lawyers, cos what you need is a fucking therapist, you’re a fucking clown!’” Lala shares, with Katie not recalling the lawyer comment. “Let’s talk about what we saw on camera. Girls night. My intention was not to make that about me, it was to, I want you to know I see you,” says Lala, gesturing to Ariana and then turning back to Katie, “And you jumped down my throat, and I’m like, what the fuck is this?”
“If you can see the situations as being similar, then see yourself in her shoes. You are in this place looking back with all of the miles behind you, she’s five months into it,” Katie tells Lala. “I was giving her the heads up! I would’ve paid a lot of money to have someone say, ‘I’ve been where you are, this is how I dealt with it’. This could be beneficial, or throw it out the fucking window,” Lala explains.
“I think some of the issues you had you have said that you felt like conversations you guys have had before the season that you kind of went back on some of the things you’d said and how you felt, and how you were like supporting her and being like, ‘Yeah it would’ve been nice if people had rallied around both of us like that did with Ariana,’, Scheana jumps in, referring to the lack of support both Katie and Lala received after their respective breakups.
“I’ve talked to her about that, and I was like, ‘Yeah objectively yeah, I would’ve loved that kind of support’,” Katie clarifies. “I just feel like when it started, I think she felt you were like her enemy,” Scheana explains.“I felt abandoned by you this season,” Lala tells Katie. “But because I didn’t want to, like, what? Jump on the Tom train or what?” Katie asks. Katie accuses Lala of conflating the concepts of an objective conversation off-camera about Ariana’s public support and how they’re both personally choosing to support Ariana on-camera. “Katie, I don’t like what you’re doing right now at all,” says an irate Lala.
Image credit: Bravo
“We both had conversations about this and it was beyond just the support she was getting. It was that she had basically abandoned you and the sandwich shop, this time last year you said she wasn’t caught up on her rent,” Lala spills. “What are you talking about?” Katie asks defensively. “I know what I’m talking about!” Lala hits back. “Did you confide in Lala and complain or bitch about the way you were feeling when she left to go do Broadway and didn’t give you a heads up?” Scheana asks Katie.
“Ok, that was the one time I wish I would’ve gotten a little bit of a heads up because I didn’t find out about the Broadway thing until after I’m like okay, that would have been nice to know,” Katie shares. “The issues I was having were because of my own insecurities,” Lala continues. “You and I are truth-tellers. We say shit how it is. So why, when the camera goes up, am I suddenly the enemy when I’m talking about the same shit we discussed on the phone?”
“I wasn’t making you the enemy!” Katie exclaims. “You think she was different on camera then off camera?” Andy asks Lala. “I think there were a few people sitting up here that were living in the comment section,” she tells him, singling out Scheana, Katie and James. “It’s no secret that Ariana is the fan favourite. You don’t fuck around with that,” she explains. “I understand that, but I came to you because I didn’t wanna go to her with all the drama. I didn’t want to guilt her, so like, I went to one of my other friends to vent about it,” Katie tells the group.
“Katie we had a phone call and you lost your mind on me!” Lala shares. “Yeah because you wanted me to throw her under the bus and talk about how mad I was about it!” Katie exclaims.
“I wanted to film a show that we’ve been filming for 11 years, and suddenly the name of the game is different?” Lala responds. “You wanted her to be the same person on camera that you thought she was off camera?” Andy asks. “I wanna play the same game,” Lala says.
“You said to me, ‘I’m not gonna say these things because I’ve invested a lot of money in this sandwich shop’ and you said to me, ‘Lala if you’re gonna fuck with my business, Lala I’m gonna fuck with yours’. And honest to God I wanted to say to you, Something About Her is really nothing about her right now and you don’t have a business and mine is my livelihood that I support my child on so how dare you try to fuck with it?” exclaims an aggravated Lala as the credits roll.
I am both tense and unsettled. Let’s pick this up next week when Hour 2 of this mayhem arrives, shall we?
Written by Lil Friedmann, lover of all things Bravo and staunch defender of reality television. You can follow her at @lilfriedmann on socials.
Season 11 of Vanderpump Rules is available to stream on Hayu from 31 January, with episodes dropping the same day as the USA.
Image credit: Hayu, Bravo + Punkee