Punkee Recaps Vanderpump Rules: We Just Watched Gaslighting In Real Time
It’s part two of the Vanderpump Rules Reunion and we pick up right where we left off. Lala and Katie are beefing about conversations had on camera vs. off-camera, with the former venting about the latter’s lack of consistency when it comes to Queen Ariana.
“Your feelings would’ve been valid if you were resentful towards Ariana,” Schwartz tells Katie. For those who missed part one (why tho?), it was revealed that Katie called Lala to vent about Ariana’s busy schedule and how it was impacting the opening of their sandwich shop, Something About Her.
The Toms discuss how they’ve both felt annoyed towards each other regarding their business ventures, and I think the group is trying to validate Katiep. “I didn’t wanna talk to her about it because I didn’t want to make her [Ariana] feel guilty!” says a heated Katie.
“So, does she have a point that you were venting off camera but you weren’t sharing those feelings on camera?” Andy asks Katie. “Yes, sure, but it’s just kinda like, I’m past it now,” Katie answers. “You were probably terrified of coming off publicly as not Team Ariana,” says Schwartz. No shit, Schwartz, that’s the subtext of this entire argument.
“But Katie’s also not somebody who acts differently because of public anything. She’s always herself, she has been for eleven seasons, and she’s been hated for it. So, why would that change now?” Ariana asks. A very valid point. When Andy asks if it bothered Ariana that Katie was supposedly saying these things off-camera, Ariana assures him that she’s fine as the pair have healthy communication. She also maintains that she wouldn’t have been pissed off had Katie vented on camera as her feelings were valid.
Schwartz asks Scheana if Katie and Lala’s rift started because of Katie’s grudge against Scheana, when a very brazen Brock asserts himself. “But you’re also the catalyst because you tore away all of the confidence the woman ever had in herself after the continuing betrayal of your shit marriage!” BROCK. “You were a shit husband,” Scheana adds. SCHEANA. Lowkey love that these two are finally saying the quiet part out loud.
“No, I was not!” Schwartz responds, genuinely baffled at the allegation. Sweetie, if you’re confused, there are nine full seasons you can watch back of your behaviour in that relationship. Remember when you poured a beer on Katie’s head and cheated on her multiple times and told her you didn’t like the sound of her voice?
“Where do things stand today with the two of you, Katie and Lala?” Andy asks, steering the ship away from the iceberg. Lala explains that she and Katie have bonded over delivering “the facts in unpretty packages,” but that she felt like Katie was deliberately shying away from having uncomfortable conversations on camera, which made Lala feel crazy.
“I’m not gonna sit here for a moment more and be told that I’m being fake, phoney, because I didn’t wanna bring some shit up that I honestly had moved past,” Katie states. “Had you said to me, ‘These are things that I don’t really want to talk about cos I’m kinda over them and I don’t wanna put pressure on Ariana, and I’ve invested a lot of money in this.’ Instead, you threatened to burn my livelihood to the ground!” Lala tells Katie. Valid.
Andy tries to wrap the conversation up, and Lala insists that she and Katie will sort their shit out, but Katie doesn’t look too convinced. Next topic on the agenda: Schwartz and Scheana’s secret hook up! Ewww I’d forgotten about that one. Andy is baffled that the secret had been kept for so long, and producers treat us to a montage of all the infidelity we’ve seen on this beautifully sleazy show.
Sandoval, Schwartz and Scheana on Vanderpump Rules Season 11 Reunion Part 2. Image credit: Hayu
Scheana explains that she and Ariana had gone to Vegas and the Toms ended up joining them. She says that the kissing initially started amongst the girls, and that Schwartz must’ve seen that as an invitation. This fucking guy. Remember a few minutes ago when Schwartz was offended about being called a shit husband? Lmao.
“Did you kiss each other or did he kiss you?” Lisa wakes up from her nap and asks. Scheana assures us it was Schwartz who kissed her, and I believe it. “It was a drunken decision, I do remember though afterwards being like, ‘What the fuck was that?’” says Schwartz, “By the way, can I just apologise for being a fucking sloppy fool for so long?” Yes. Yes, you can.
“If you hadn’t revealed it to Lala, I guess you two would have taken it to your grave,” Andy suggests. “It is jarring to find out something like that years down the line,” Katie tells the guilty duo. “But do you understand why I didn’t say anything? Because of where we were at that time and I didn’t wanna hurt you, and let you know that he had betrayed you again,” Scheana explains to Katie. No response from Katie…
Andy brings up the fact that Scheana said this season that every guy in the group has hit on her at some stage. “What? When!?” James exclaims after Scheana includes him in this list. “Probably about season four or five,” Scheana tells him, aka back when James was a fucking loose unit drinking himself into oblivion. “I don’t remember that at all,” says James. We know, honey.
Sandoval vehemently denies Scheana’s claim that he hit on her in the early seasons, but she tells a very specific and convincing story about their cast trip to New York so I believe her. Also, remember Scandoval? We know you’re scum, Sandy. Just lean in.
Andy brings up Katie hooking up with Schwartz’s friend Max and it’s an amazing couple of minutes of television. “It seemed like maybe you did it in direct response to learning about Scheana and Schwartz making out,” says Andy. “I mean, it could seem that way, or I could just have been doing whatever the hell I wanted to do,” answers Katie, cool, calm and collected.
Andy points out how Schwartz seemed “a little gleeful” when this went down. “It just seemed like something finally levelled the playing field,” replies Schwartz. “I think I manifested this, actually, because after I kissed Raquel and you had a very, um, intense reaction, which was warranted, which was valid, I said ‘Universe, let this happen to me so I can show her how I will respond’.”
“Did you hook up with Max a second time?” Andy asks Katie, who shrugs and laughs. “I don’t know! I can’t remember,” she tells Andy wryly. “He came back for seconds!” James exclaims, while Schwartz whispers “We’re the same,” pointing between himself and Katie. No notes.
Andy shifts the chat to Lake Tahoe, asking Lisa boring questions about her restaurant that nobody cares about. We discuss how Schwartz referred to Ariana as “Queen Ariana” and Schwartz explains that he was frustrated that Ariana was speaking on behalf of the group. “By the way, it wasn’t like a ‘Sandoval Redemption Trip’, I just wanted him to be instilled with some humanity and I thought that was a nice step in the right direction,” Schwartz explains, warranting a huge eye roll from Ariana.
“Ariana, why do people think you’ve gotten an ego since the affair?” asks Andy. “I don’t know. It’s interesting, cos Schwartz was the only person who has said that. No one who knows me has ever said that. It seemed to ignite, like some internet trolls that don’t know me,” Ariana responds. “Maybe because you’re not in a foetal position sobbing,” Katie poses. “I mean look, I do foetal position and sobbing when I’m in private,” Ariana tells us.
Lala, Katie and Ariana on Vanderpump Rules Season 11 Reunion Part 2. Image credit: Hayu
Andy brings up Scheana’s struggle to stay loyal to Ariana whilst rebuilding her trust in Sandoval. “Your feelings were totally valid. Obviously, I’m not necessarily the person to like, go to with those feelings,” Ariana tells Scheana. “I just wanted her to know, ‘You’re still my girl’, understand that I’m still here. Even though I’m in Tahoe on this trip, like, I’m still here,” Scheana explains, “I think a lot of times my tone and the way I speak, I tend to mis-speak and say the wrong things to the wrong audience.”
“Lala, you had clear boundaries with your friends about them hanging out with your ex. So, why do you think Ariana expecting the same from her friends is unreasonable?” asks Andy. “There’s one giant difference. I have a child involved that I entered a custody battle,” Lala starts, with Scheana interrupting. “Can I just say, it was more than just the cheating. Read The LA Times, watch the Hulu doc, there’s a lot more to the situation.”
“I was fighting for the wellbeing of my child, and unless you have a child and you’ve been in my situation, you will never understand it,” Lala tells the group. Katie validates Lala, but tells her that Ariana is allowed to have boundaries too. “This is where I get confused,” Lala tells her, “Cos there’s a boundary that’s happening, but she’s sleeping down the hall from him and has a new boyfriend, so it was very confusing. I think that I would’ve been given the side eye had I looked at Schwartzy and said, ‘How dare you play pickleball with him?’ and then I’m sleeping in the same house.”
“Was there an issue when Katie was dating after her divorce?” Ariana asks Lala. “Katie wasn’t traumatised by a man,” Lala responds (I’ll beg to differ on that one). “But she had very solid boundaries of what she was comfortable with and what she wasn’t, and I had mine. And I supported yours, all you have to do is say, ‘I respect yours’,” Ariana elaborates.
“But, I don’t understand them,” Lala explains. “But you don’t have to,” says Ariana, before the two of them debate the difference between respecting and understanding people’s boundaries which sends me into an existential spiral. Things get a little heated between them, but again I must commend this group on the fact that nobody seems to be screaming this reunion. Yet.
Ariana tells Andy she was “slightly uncomfortable” when a fan posted a photo of the cast during the Tahoe trip, given it looked as though everyone was friends again with Sandoval. Scheana says she understood why it took Lala talking to Ariana about coming to her defence over the group photo, given Ariana isn’t usually one to get involved online and draw attention to headlines. The group chat about having a sense of decorum with fans, not wanting to spill the tea about what’s going on IRL. Ariana tells Lala she was thankful for their conversation as it gave her a new perspective which ultimately led to her defending Scheana from the trolls.
“What hurt you the most, Scheana, about hearing that Ariana was doing Dancing With The Stars?” Andy asks Scheana. She explains that she was hurt that Ariana didn’t come to her earlier and that it wasn’t about any NDAs given a number of people were informed. Ariana clarifies that after she’d confided in a few people about the opportunity, the news was leaked in the press and producers rang the cast telling them they had to stay tight-lipped. This seems pretty legit. Andy pleas with the casting directors of Dancing With The Stars to cast Scheana and I will sign this petition!
Ally and (shudders) Jo join the group. This is Ally’s second reunion so she’s fairly confident, however, Jo looks massively out of her depth. Probably because she’s sitting next to the soft boy who fucked her over and opposite his terrifying ex. We learn that Ally charges $195 per astrology reading (hell yeah) and James is pushing his lady to monetize the shit out of her gift by hosting workshops and Zoom conferences.
James and Ally on the Vanderpump Rules Season 11 Reunion Part 2. Image credit: Hayu
Before I get into the Jo of it all, I must warn you that there is a LOT of cast talking over each other so it gets a bit messy. Even messier though, is Schwartz, who we see gaslighting his former live-in-lover in real time.
Andy is keen to get to the Jo/Schwartz origin story, and she explains that she stayed in his spare room for a few days between apartments. “When we began it was just platonic, drinking buddies or whatever,” Schwartz says before Andy cuts him off with, “Drinking buddies who fuck?!” Touché Andy, touché. Lala wants to clarify how they actually knew each other, and they explain it was through former castmate/delinquent Kristen Doute. Lala and Katie point out how random it is that these two connected, and Jo denies having had a crush on Schwartz while he was still married.
Katie brings up the fact that she was baffled Jo didn’t move in with Kristen, but Jo and Schwartz explain that Kristen had “a whole melodrama” going on at the time which ABSOLUTELY tracks. Ariana explains that she believes Jo knew about Sandoval’s affair because of her proximity to Schwartz, given his apartment was often where sneaky shit went down.
When pressed on the messiness of how Schwartz approached things on the show, he tells Andy that he found his time with Jo when they first got together to be “a great escape” from filming, and that the two were hooking up maybe once or twice a week while filming season 10. Andy asks Katie if she thought Schwartz had been breadcrumbing Jo, with Jo turning immediately to Scheana to ask what that meant lol.
“Yeah, I mean, especially what I was watching. I felt like, really bad when I was watching it because I was like ‘Oh my God’, I felt really bad for you because he was being very elusive and you saw the relationship very differently,” Katie tells Jo. “Wait, what? You did?” Jo asks, flabbergasted. “You’ve been giving her the relationship and boyfriend experience and it’s like, no wonder she would’ve assumed you were in a relationship,” Katie tells Schwartz. If I had a DOLLAR.
Schwartz and Jo on Vanderpump Rules Season 11 Reunion Part 2. Image credit: Hayu
Schwartz explains that some things happened that caused him to slowly pull away, and when asked about it, both he and Jo are adamant not to share. I obviously must know immediately what went down. Lisa tells Schwartz that if you tell someone you love them and are sleeping with them, they’re likely going to take that seriously. Schwartz rambles and Lala turns to Ally asking her what the fuck is going on. NONE OF US KNOW, LALA.
Everyone jumps on Schwartz when he suggests that he and Jo had very clear lines of communication. “I will say that the way it was portrayed on the show was a very different situation,” Sandoval chimes in, with our hero Lala butting in to ask why everyone is making Jo feel like she is nuts. “Just sitting here watching, she just used the word ‘dating’ and you were like, ‘We had this thing’, so there’s a disconnect on what it was,” Ariana tells Schwartz.
Jo mentions that it’s hard to hear Schwartz being so forthright with his new girlfriend. “It’s sad to see how we really were, I think that was a relationship,” Jo starts. “I know, we had magic for a while there,” says Schwartz. Fuck off. “Why can’t he call it a relationship?” Ariana asks the girls. “Can I tell you something? It’s wild to sit here and watch you gaslight her. You’re saying all of these things, ‘You’re my happy place’, ‘What we had was magical’, but you can’t call it a relationship?” Lala tells Schwartz. LOUDER. “I was scared to put labels on it, I felt incapable of being in a conventional relationship,” Schwartz mumbles.
Jo shares that she never wanted the publicity, she just wanted the validation. Andy asks Schwartz about his new girlfriend, and this literal fuckwit opens with, “She’s ridiculously good-looking, but that’s like, my least favourite thing about her.” Imagine. No honestly, close your eyes and imagine being Jo and hearing this. I would jump out of my chair Jerry Springer show and fucking riot. Also, this new girlfriend is 24. SMH.
After listing all of his new girlfriend’s amaaaazing attributes, Schwartz decides it would be disrespectful to Jo to continue. “Oh, now we care about disrespecting Jo? Suck my dick, dude!” exclaims Lala, with the rest of the group in absolute bewilderment about Schwartz’s inability to get anything right.
Andy brings up the fact that Katie has said some aggressive things about Jo on social media and on the show, including calling her ‘Spooky’, ‘Rat girl’ and a ‘Psychopath’. Yikes. Jo is now sobbing at this point, and I don’t blame her. “Part of it was coming from a place where I was going through a divorce, going through a separation, and then having an individual who I didn’t trust that I thought was moving in ways that I didn’t feel comfortable with,” Katie explains to Andy, before describing her language as “colourful”.
Jo and Scheana on the Vanderpump Rules Season 11 Reunion Part 2. Image credit: Hayu
When asked about watching the show back, Jo clarifies that she never felt ganged up on by the group, just Katie. “Well, you have to understand what I was going through and where I was coming from. The summer before, I was not feeling supported by many people in this room,” Katie tells Jo. “Neither was I, cos of you,” Jo responds. “It’s not about you,” Katie tells her, “I know I wasn’t nice or kind but like, I was dealing with a lot of shit, and the last thing I needed was you.”
“There’s no excuse,” Jo says, tearfully. “I know it doesn’t seem like Katie’s being vulnerable right now, but that was a vulnerable moment for her,” Lala explains to Jo. The group laughs, with Schwartz adding, “That was pretty much an apology.” Katie gets slightly defensive about the language she used, reminding everyone she never called Jo a crackhead, just that she had “crackhead energy” lol. Oh, Katie.
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Moving our attention to James and Ally, Andy brings up their new home and they all have a laugh about how often producers stitched them up with plane footage/airport jokes during the season. Andy asks about the cats and Hippie, and Ally tells us that things have improved and they’re all getting along now. When Andy mentions Raquel’s assertion that Hippie’s bad behaviour is due to James’ treatment of him when he was a puppy, we immediately see Sandoval trying to contain a smug look on his face. Shut up, Sandoval.
“I think it’s absolutely false. He had behavioural issues,” James explains, citing that Hippie was traumatised as a young puppy when shipped from the breeders interstate. Lisa backs James, “I knew then that categorically, he’d been nothing but kind to that dog,” she tells Andy, reflecting on James and Hippie’s reunion orchestrated by Vanderpump Dogs. When asked about whether her stance on marriage and babies has changed since filming, Ally jokes, “It’s not the most inspiring group, no offence,” which makes the group laugh. Honestly, Ally is the best energy on this show. She has a way of dropping truth bombs but being such a sweetie that everyone accepts it.
She tells Andy that she wants to have kids when she’s as passionate as Lala is about bringing a child into the world, and reminds Andy that she’s only 28 (a child bride). James wants to get married and have kids in the next few years, and Ally tells him she’d say yes but it would be a long, drawn-out engagement. “Oh bloody hell, bloody hell!” James laughs. “James, how long are you willing to wait for Ally to change her mind?” Andy asks. “Forever. Until my dick shrivels up and it can fall off,” James replies. Gross and romantic all at once.
Andy shifts the conversation to sobriety, asking Lala in particular how long she’s been sober for. “Almost five and a half years,” she tells him, garnering applause from the group. “I have to say, I really appreciate you acknowledging my sobriety each time we do this. That really means a lot to me cos it’s the proudest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life.” PROUD OF YOU.
James shares with the group that he hasn’t had a drink for almost a year, and Ally reflects on the moment that caused James to stop drinking. “At that time it was kind of clear to me that like, I didn’t like who he was when he was drinking. I mean, I think you guys even saw that last year, it just like, isn’t cute to me,” Ally tells Andy. “Yeah, like I have a mouth on me, I get disrespectful,” James says. “It’s refreshing that you can admit that, though,” Jo tells him.
“You said that you quit drinking for yourself and not the relationship, but it seems like you did…” Andy asks James. “Yes, yes, and I see, I do see that. But at the same time, it wasn’t necessarily an ultimatum that Ally was giving me,” James shares, as Raquel had given him an ultimatum years ago about dumping him unless he got clean. “I’m not stupid though, I know as a whole, the relationship’s gonna be a lot better.” Ally tells Andy she’d leave if James started drinking again, which does kind of feel like an ultimatum. But I really back her and I think she’s in this for the right reasons.
“I wanna talk about the real star of Vanderpump Rules this season: Ann,” Andy jokes, grilling Sandoval over the rogue tasks he gave to her. “She does not touch any dirty laundry whatsoever. Yes, she does tidy up and she does clean up after parties, that’s like literally one of the things in the job description,” Sandoval clarifies.
When Andy asks Ariana about Ann jumping ship and coming to work for her, she considers Ann’s motives. “Well I think she was just excited about wanting to work with and for a woman and I think that was probably a big part of it.” Sandoval tells Andy that he felt betrayed by Ann. “To do that on, like, camera, that was a fucking kick to the gut, and I’m like if you don’t wanna work for me, then fine, your wish is granted. Go work somewhere else.”
Finally, Andy brings up Sandoval and Ariana’s pets, and how an incident with the latter’s dog Mya prompted her to refer to the former as an “attempted dog murderer”. They discuss privacy and boundaries about personal space, and Ariana tells Andy that she should have been consulted about someone going into her room. “I understand that there are things that need to be done but that’s my space, that’s all I have,” she explains, referring to the aircon issues that led to Sandoval entering her room.
We learn there were no custody discussions about the pets, as Ariana has owned her cat for 15 years and adopted Mya under her name. This pisses Sandoval off, which James clocks. “You roll your eyes like that but you were perfectly fine when Graham was taken from me and you became his secret new daddy, getting your dick wet for seven months, daddy,” James tells him. “James, dude, stop,” Sandoval dismisses him. “I wouldn’t have said anything had you not been rolling your eyes as if what she’s saying isn’t completely 100% fucking accurate,” James responds.
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“I’m keeping my mouth shut about things that I’ve heard and things that don’t add up, James,” Sandoval threatens James, who is getting heated. “Shut the fuck up Sandoval, you haven’t heard shit,” he exclaims before Sandoval tells him to get off his high horse. “Brother, I’m galloping so far ahead of you, I can’t even see you in the distance,” James tells Sandoval, before the two tell each other to eat dicks.
I simply cannot BELIEVE we only have one more episode of Season 11 to go! Tune in next week to see how this chaotic season will wrap up.
Written by Lil Friedmann, lover of all things Bravo and staunch defender of reality television. You can follow her at @lilfriedmann on socials.
Season 11 of Vanderpump Rules is available to stream on Hayu from 31 January, with episodes dropping the same day as the USA.
Image credit: Hayu, Bravo + Punkee