Punkee Recaps Vanderpump Rules: The Tahoe, The Toms And The Tension
TAHOE TIME! Finally. The cast posted stories and pics from this trip last July, and I have been waiting with bated breath.
The episode opens with a classic pointless montage, including Summer Moon crying with her folks during nap time (presumably over her name), Lala cleaning, Katie asking Ariana if her car smells like weed, the Toms walking into some dumb clothing store and James singing in the car with Graham Cracker after their recent reunion. “I was always the one taking care of him, just the best dad, our bond was undeniable and unbreakable and the fact that he’s now here, somehow the universe just fucking…. You’re back with who you’re meant to be with,” James tells us in his interview. The universe? TBC. Lisa Vanderpump and her producers? Confirmed.
Back in the gal’s car, Katie and Ariana discuss the trials and tribulations of opening their sanga shop, Something About Her. “I don’t wanna say that things at the restaurant are shitty right now, but, someone did just poop on our patio” Ariana informs us. Ahhhhhh, America. Unfortunately, the two have faced setbacks due to logistical red tape, and won’t be opening the shop with their intended timeline. Plus, as Ariana points out, the majority of West Hollywood’s city council aren’t buying what she’s selling, so she can’t even offer them a coupla saucy favours to speed things up.
The women discuss their complete lack of FOMO when it comes to not attending this Tahoe trip. “I’m not even sure Tom Schwartz thinks it’s a good idea,” Katie explains in her interview, and yeah no shit – it’s a cast trip planned by producers to spruik Lisa’s newest project. “What happens if they all go and they come back besties?” Katie asks Ariana. Great question, Katie.
Next up, James arrives home. “I have a little surprise…” he sheepishly tells Ally (poor Ally), before revealing Graham. Can I just say quickly, I’m a big dog lover, but Graham is a lot (though to be fair, he has seemingly been through a lot himself). “Is that Graham? Shut the fuck up,” exclaims Ally, cat lover and owner. She immediately panics when her cat Banks approaches, given he’s never met a dog (let alone a Graham Cracker).
“Is that Raquel’s dog?” she asks James. “Our dog now.. if we want him,” says James. Ally notes that she thinks the situation is a little rough on old mate Raquel, given how much her life has fallen apart post-Scandoval. It’s also, let’s face it, a little fucking weird for Ally. In her interview, she vents, “It’s not the ideal situation. Last year I had to deal with her so much and now she’s gone and her dog is here and I’m like damn, I really can’t get rid of this girl can I?”. None of us can, babe. Banks cautiously stares at Graham through the glass door and Graham starts yapping furiously. Ally warns that if he doesn’t get his shit together, he’ll be sent back to Lisa, and I can’t help but wonder whether she means the dog or James.
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Meanwhile, the Toms are shopping for Tahoe, with Schwartz eyeing up a truly heinous pair of geometric print pants that will be “perfect” for the trip. “I’m kinda like… vibing with this hat,” Sandoval remarks. Shut up, shut up, shut UP. Schwartz gets a link sent to him about Raquel officially changing her name back to Rachel. “I knew about the Rachel thing, it wasn’t my place to reveal that,” Sandoval claims. Wish he’d had that attitude before screen-recording Raquel having phone sex with him without her consent….
Another message is sent to Schwartz, this time with headlines indicating Raquel/Rachel has checked out of the mental health facility. (For the purposes of continuity, I’m gonna continue to call her Raquel if that’s cool with you guys.) Sandoval chimes in again saying that he was privy to this information. We see a screenshot of the text message he sent Raquel, “Hey I don’t know if ur out yet, but just wanted u to know I’m thinking of u, and I hope ur doing ok”. Raquel never replied, as she probably got the ick over a 41-year-old man who can’t even use proper grammar.
“She just doesn’t wanna face the world,” Sandoval tells Schwarts. “I mean I can’t blame her, I didn’t wanna face the world and I wasn’t even a part of it,” Schwartz replies. The two chat about their hopes for a fun Tahoe trip, with Schwartz noting in his interview, “I want it to be like Wet Hot American Summer, not The Shining”. Lol.
In the next scene, Scheana and Brock are shopping for Tahoe. In her interview, Scheana discusses how she not only has mum guilt about leaving Summer Moon, but that spending the next few days in the same house as Sandoval gives her anxiety. We learn that Tori, Summer Moon’s babysitter (if we can even call her that) has conflicting commitments with the other family she works with and Brock is venting his frustrations about the lack of progress they’re making. “We need somebody to be there for us,” he tells Scheana, “I’m not having your mum around 24/7 for the rest of my life”. Unsurprisingly, this comment is the catalyst for an epic argument between the two. Scheana doesn’t want to leave Summer Moon alone with a stranger when they go away. Brock thinks Scheana’s mum exacerbates her anxiety. The shop assistant just wants them to buy something and gtfo. The argument spills out onto the street, and Scheana is mortified and worried about the optics. They continue bickering, and the scene ends with Scheana snapping at Brock, “Stop talking! Jesus!” Jesus indeed!
We have a classic transitional montage of the gang getting their shit sorted. Katie tells Schwartz she’s praying for him re: the trip, Lala tells her mum she’s feeling a little weird about the trip, and Sandoval asks poor Ann about his outfit choice for the trip. “Do you think this outfit will help if I get stabbed or punched and like, bloodied up?” he asks. “It’ll hide the blood,” she responds. Petition to make Ann a full time cast member ASAP.
We land at James and Ally’s, where the packing continues. James has just dropped off Graham with Lisa as he’ll be flying to Tahoe in her private jet because dogs in Hollywood have better lives than most of us. “He’s gonna shit himself when he sees Graham,” Ally laughs about Sandoval. Let us not forget how much darkness this poor dog has been exposed to living with Raquel during the affair. Okay, maybe Graham does deserve to fly first class as some sort of compensation for his trauma. Suddenly, we’re at the airport. We see Brock welcoming Sandoval, which feels nice, and we’re boarding!
Can I just say, what the actual fuck, Lake Tahoe is GORGEOUS. I’m getting this out of my system now as reading over my notes for the episode, every third sentence after they arrive is “WOW OMG SO PRETTY SO NICE”. Now that we’ve established this, I can tell you that the next scene is Lisa in the bushes posing with wolves. You know, because the restaurant she’s opening is called Wolf? AKA this whole trip is to promote her new business venture?? The pics are photoshopped to the nines but again, it’s all stunning. “There’s nothing shy about my new restaurant, and it ain’t for the faint-hearted” she boasts during her interview. “It’s gonna be sexy, it’s gonna be masculine, it’s gonna be a big bad wolf.” Blink twice if you’re okay, Lisa…
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She gets a FaceTime from Sandoval, who is driving to the accom with Schwartz. They tell her that the trip has been positive thus far, and there’s been a “you CAN sit with us” energy from the group. “Keep it going with this good energy please,” she requests, before hanging up and posing with literal wolves again. Sandoval sheds a tear in the car and gets emotional in his interview. “Scheana saying hi to me at the airport, it just felt like acceptance. Just to get a hello from the people who are disgusted by your very essence, it’s nice, you know,” says Schwartz, and was that the saddest sentence we’ve ever heard uttered in this series?
Everyone arrives at the INSANE rental house and I would happily be embroiled in an international scandal if it meant I got to holiday here.
Image credit: VRBO
“There’s an air of peace,” Schwartz declares in his interview, hopeful that the trip is gonna fix everything. “The next thing you know, we’re one big happy family again, and it’s because of me.” Sure Schwartz. Meanwhile, Brock and Scheana are bickering in their room. I do not care for this bickering energy, you guys are meant to be our ROCKS. “Brock and I aren’t completely over our nanny argument,” Scheana explains in her interview, adding, “I can’t help being annoyed by every little thing he’s doing”. Yeah, it shows
Later, Brock chats with Sandoval in the kitchen. “I’m living in the moment right now,” Sandoval tells Brock when asked how he’s feeling. “I think it’s hard on the whole group,” Brock starts. They ponder how they’re going to get through the weekend. Upstairs, James tells Schwartz he’s feeling a little nervy about the whole situation. Back in the kitchen, Sandoval does his best to not completely ruin the vibe. “What I did was horrible, but neither Raquel nor I did that out of any sort of malicious intent. But we felt that things were done towards us with very specific malicious intent,” he tells Brock. Fair, but also actions have consequences, my guy.
James enters reluctantly, and Sandoval sees his opportunity. “I just wanna say James, thanks for being nice dude,” he tells James, who is visibly uncomfortable.“I wanna keep the vibes positive, and yeah,” James responds. “It’s a little soon for Sandoval to be trying to connect with me. I’m just being cordial, we’re not fucking cool yet,” James tells us in his interview. Brock and Sandoval finish chatting, with Brock reminding him, “We’re not your enemy, we’re just very hurt friends”.
Image credit: Hayu
We move outside and are sitting by the water, and… don’t say it.. don’t say it… don’t saaaay it…. THE VIEWS ARE STUNNING AND I HAVE MENTALLY MOVED TO LAKE TAHOE. Sandoval thanks the gang for welcoming him this weekend and tells them that he’s organised some guided meditation for the next morning. “Mr Try Hard trying hard,” James quips in his interview. Once again, they all chat about sobriety (although it feels good to hear Sandoval admit that he’s basically been a functional alcoholic) and Lala reminds him that sobriety is a daily choice.
Suddenly, Lisa arrives at the house, walking down the stairs with Graham. Everyone is quite literally flabbergasted to see this pooch. “Go slowly with him, he might have had a rough few months,” Lisa warns. Nobody can quite fathom that this cursed dog has re-emerged and is now in the custody of James and Ally. The pair discuss renaming/rebranding Graham to Hippie, with James explaining in his interview, “The name Hippie is a homage to my late godfather George Michael’s dog”. Ahhhhh yes. Everyone is confused, and Sandoval suspects BS. “I definitely know what James is saying in regards to Graham is not the case,” he suggests. “But James is not in the headspace to hear what I have to say right now and I definitely don’t need to be making any waves.” What’s this? GROWTH, perhaps? Keep it up, please! Ally and Sandoval have a chat about the situation. “If Rachel can change her name why can’t Hippie? A new start for everyone! It’s kinda sad, I know…” Ally tells Sandy. It sure is. The scene wraps with a swimming montage with go-pros and drones that make me lol.
Back home, Ariana FaceTimes with Lucinda, her interior designer. She explains that she’s been chatting with her lawyer and that a lot of the house is full of jointly acquired furniture. “I’ve come around to the idea of him having the house, but when I say the house I mean the walls,” she tells us firmly. “I own the majority of this furniture here, and I need to be compensated for that, so that I don’t wanna be taken advantage of.” FAIR. Ariana takes Lucinda on a FaceTime tour of the house, discussing each piece and her intentions for them. Lucinda tells Ariana that the artist who created that truly ridiculous “Lego portrait” of the former couple has offered to rework it and cut Sandoval out. I say light it on fire.
Image credit: Bravo
Back in Tahoe, Ally and James are chatting, Schwartz is stung by a bee and Brock and Scheana FaceTime Summer Moon. “I’m just happy that we got to get some time away and reflect and I would like to apologise,” Brock tells Scheana. “I should be more aware of my surroundings and care more about not just my feelings but yours.” “I was just so caught off guard, I was in defence mode,” Scheana explains. The two agree to enjoy Tahoe and I’m so proud of them for talking through their feelings maturely.
The gang head off for dinner, stopping off at Wolf along the way to see how it’s all developing. “Where’s the DJ booth gonna be?” James asks Lisa, before they all make jokes about how every Vanderpump Rules establishment seems to struggle with deadlines for opening. Lisa suggests they all grab a sledgehammer and yell at the wall (?) to vent their frustrations, Brock adding, “Put thought behind your actions and leave it on the wall”.
James starts, “Should’ve looked after the dog better!!” Schwartz is next, “I don’t wanna be single at 40!!” Scheana’s turn, “Mother fucking restraining order!!”
It’s all fun and cute, until Sandoval’s turn. “Scumbag and cheaters!” he hits. “Worm with a moustache!” Bash. “Charles Mason’s son!.” Clunk. “Lala!!” Ok, the group does find this a little funny, aside from Lala who is a little like wtf. “How about you hit the wall for your actions though?” she instructs him. He obliges, with one final swing. “Mother fucking Scandoval.” The scene ends with Lisa suggesting they all go get a drink, and I might need one too after that quirky little scene.
They head to the restaurant, with Lisa trailing behind them in what is noted as the third outfit they’ve seen her wear that day. A queen. They recap the day, and Schwartz assures the group his wall-hitting proclamation is not as tragic as it sounds. Scheana grills him about Jo (his FWB whom we met last week) and Schwartz explains his current status. “I don’t have the emotional capacity to be in a relationship, I’m single and not ready to mingle.” I get it.
Sandoval takes a selfie with Brock, and it’s weird, but the lighting is beautiful. Lisa, at the head of the table, proceeds to make things even weirder, asking James, “What is something that you like about Sandoval?”. Everyone is like lol WTF. “That felt awkward Lisa,” Sandoval tells her, and we all laugh. “We’re sitting at the table together, I think that’s nice. I think that’s huge,” answers James very diplomatically.
Sandoval tells Brock that he’s offered to buy Ariana out of the house, and admits, “I have not actually spoken to her since the reunion”. In her interview, Scheana shares, “I cannot imagine how hard it is for Ariana still living in this house with Sandoval”. She reckons they need a clean break to move on properly, and yeah. “Raise your glasses and howl to the moon,” Lisa forcefully toasts, with the table begrudgingly howling, painfully aware of who signs their pay cheques.
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We end the night at a bar, ordering tequila shots. There’s some brief chit-chat, and before you know it, Sandoval is asking James if they can have a chat. The two head off for a walk and sit down away from the group.
“I don’t wanna cause any problems, I don’t wanna create hostility, I just wanna coexist,” Sandoval starts, with James agreeing. “When it went down, I was like, scared to talk to you,” he tells James. “It doesn’t give you an excuse, bro,” rebuts James. “I never, and nor did she, mean to like, hurt anybody,” Sandoval explains. “Nobody wants to hurt anybody, but you knew it would,” replies James. “What was ever gonna come of this that would not be fucking catastrophic?” He’s really good at this, thus far. Sandoval ponders. James brings up the fact that he could’ve just broken up with Ariana first and then pursued Raquel, but Sandoval insists it wasn’t that simple. He tells James he’s basically torn between resentment and love for Raquel, and when James asks if it was worth it, he replies, “….I don’t know”. “Sorry to hear that, bro,” James tells him, quite sincerely.
The topic shifts to their friendship, with James explaining how they’d been through a lot together and how hurt he was. “I’m sorry for discounting that,” says Sandoval. “You were meant to be the most trustworthy, you were the guy!” exclaims James. In his interview, he explains how it blows his mind that Sandoval was the one to backstab him, and we see a cute little montage of their friendship over the years. “I can’t take back what I’ve done, and I have to accept what I did and basically embrace, and be like yo, don’t ever do that shit again you fucking idiot,” Sandoval tells James. He knows he screwed up, and that he hurt James, and simply wants to make amends.
“You were like a big bro to me, you really were, I fucking mean that, and now it’s like nothing will ever be the same” James tells Sandoval, solemnly. “At your ease, we’ll work through this, and I promise to listen to you better” assures Sandoval. They both agree to just get through the night and hug it out, and I for one am quite astounded by how calmly these two hotheads handled this interaction.
We leave things there, in my beautiful Tahoe, and will pick things up this time next week for some guided meditation and go-pro footage. Until then!
Written by Lil Friedmann, lover of all things Bravo and staunch defender of reality television. You can follow her at @lilfriedmann on socials.
Season 11 of Vanderpump Rules is available to stream on Hayu from 31 January, with episodes dropping the same day as the USA.
Image credit: Hayu + Punkee