Who The Actual F*ck Is Lil Xan And How Do We Stop It?
Let me ask you something: Do your friends ever have a conversation and you just nod along without being really sure what they’re talking about because you feel like you probably should know?
Honestly, same. And like, a lot of the time.
I like to think I’m a pretty in-touch member of Gen Z, but even I am continually tested with shit like poxy Snapchat updates that allow my followers to track me geographically (and I’m surprisingly okay with this) and an influx of Soundcloud rappers who are apparently, like, Britney-level famous now.
This is what has led me to these burning questions: What is a “Lil Xan”? Why? And how do we kill it?
Also, disclaimer: this isn’t a hate piece. I’m sure Lil Xan is a fine young man, with aspirations and a good soul. I just need to figure out who tf the boy is.
Let’s investigate.
Who Is Lil Xan?
Wikipedia says Lil Xan’s name isn’t even Lil Xan, it’s Diego Leanos, and he was born in Redlands California on September 6, 1996. This means he is 22 years old, and not two babies in a trench coat, and certainly not a 12-year-old who chucked a series of tantrums at Woolies until his mum caved and let him get some face tattoos.
Why Is Lil Xan Famous?
According to Wikipedia, he’s a rapper/singer/songwriter, which we reckon is a bit rich. But look, we don’t argue with math, and his breakout hit ‘Betrayed’ was certified platinum and peaked at 64 on the Billboard Hot 100, so the boy must be doing something right.
Art is subjective. An individual’s reaction to a piece of art can be influenced and guided by a bunch of different factors, like personal feelings, tastes, opinions, life experience, and emotional reactions.
Right now, however, I am listening to ‘Xanarchy‘ by none other than your (not our) boi, Lil Xan, and I can report it is objectively terrible.
When he said
“Yeah, ayy, ah-uhh, haha, fuck it, yah (yuh, brr-brr)
You are now listening to a Bobby Johnson beat
Ayy, ayy, ayy (shout-out Bobby Johnson, bitch)”
I really felt that.
Shit, and I mean shit lyrics aside, Lil Xan is arguably most famous for his association with ex-girlfriend, sister of Miley and daughter of Billy Ray — Noah Cyrus.
Xan rose to higher levels of fame after the pair’s public breakup, which is honestly more complicated and intricate than anything else I have ever tried to comprehend… and I once solved a cryptic crossword without help.
The TL;DR is:
- Noah sent Xan a photoshopped nude of Charlie Puth.
- Xan was like “WTF?”
- Noah uploaded the convo to Instagram, saying she was heartbroken
- Xan accused Noah of cheating
- Charlie Puth was very confused.
Lil Xan breaking up with Noah Cyrus bc of a Charlie Puth meme is 2018 at its peak pic.twitter.com/cjqChvoiks
— Girl Fieri (@girrl_fieri) September 3, 2018
Still not entirely sure if all of that is right, but luckily we’ve already done a deep dive on Lil Xan and Noah Cyrus’s breakup which you can read all about right here.
There was also the time he called Tupac ‘boring’. People were mad, though presumably, he was trolling for attention. Oh God, I don’t like him.
Lil Xan Memes
At the VMA’s this year, there were a bunch of pictures of Lil Xan attempting to kiss his then-girlfriend Noah Cyrus on the red carpet. It’s awkward as hell. It’s literally just him pushing his dumb face against sweet Noah’s silicone-filled cheek as she poses for the camera.
Naturally, it became an enormous meme.
Fuck, I love the internet.
Are Lil Xan’s Tattoos Real?
Unfortunately, yes.
What’s Lil Xan Doing Now?
Wondering what ya boi, Xan, is up to? Well yesterday, the ~rapper~ took to Instagram to tell his 5 million following he has been unwell and, in fact, had spent some time in the hospital. Not due to drugs or anything sinister though, no. He had “eaten too many hot Cheetos.”
“I guess I ate too many Hot Cheetos and it ripped something in my stomach open, so I puked a little blood,” he said. No need to worry though, the health scare won’t affect his upcoming ‘Total Xanarchy Tour’, which kicks off in New York tomorrow.
There we have it folks, we now know who Lil Xan is, whether we like it or not. I’m off to delete my internet history and get my ears checked.