I Spoke To Men On Tinder By Following A WikiHow Guide & Ooft, It Worked A Treat

With a slim chance to meet people irl during lockdown, dating apps have become one of the only ways for singles to meet other singles right now.

While we can’t actually interact in person, there are many other ways to get your flirt on via Tinder, Bumble and other dating apps. However, with the option to immediately suggest grabbing a drink with your new match removed (at least for now), this means that making a good first impression and keeping the convo flowing has never been more important.

My problem is: I hate small talk. I’m just bad at it. I don’t know how to start conversations or keep them going. This got me googling dating app tips and ways to spark a bit of banter which landed me on WikiHow: a website I haven’t been on since I was about 18 years old. What a bizarre world of content.

Meanwhile, wikihow editors giving us some quality content. pic.twitter.com/9rD5nI9tZB

— Aarti Lad (@tismeaarti) April 7, 2020

While the website has existed since 2005 (spawning a whopping 180k manuals), WikiHow has recently gained popularity on TikTok with users parodying the bizarre advice the page often gives on topics as varied as How To Cast A Love Spell to How To Act Like Sherlock Holmes. You know, important life lessons.

It wasn’t difficult to find WikiHow tips for talking to people on Tinder. In fact, there was a bunch of different options but I found one How To Break The Ice On Tinder guide which was exactly what I needed.

Thank you WikiHow, I am saved. Well, so I thought…

I spoke to men on Tinder by following a WikiHow guide:

Comment on their profile pic:

First up, it seems important to comment on your match’s photos to spark conversation. WikiHow recommends typing, “Please tell me that dog in your profile picture belongs to you, because he is adorable.”

Filled with hope and anticipation, I did as I was told…

It probably helps to make sure they have a dog in the first place.

Ask about their profile pic:

WikiHow dedicates an entire section to ‘Paying Attention To Their Profile’. Aside from commenting on what you see in your match’s pics, it’s also apparently helpful to ask about the background story to their profile’s images.

This was actually one of the more normal conversation starters that this guide offered up, so I wasn’t too shy to give it a try.

The results were pretty good, and the method definitely served as a way to spark some back and fourth banter.

Act super keen about matching up:

This next recommendation was simply terrible. Like, this is just not how humans speak to one another. The site says that “sometimes being direct and admitting to vulnerability is a great way to open up a line of communication. You could say something like, ‘Man, I’m so excited to have matched with you that I can’t think of anything to say.'”

Errr, no. No, you should not say this to anyone. But here goes…

The guy was suitably confused that I was so “excited” to have matched with a stranger on a phone app. Same tbh. At this point I’m ready to log TF off.

Play annoying games with them:

Argh! It is a pet peeve of mine when guys on Tinder or Bumble want me to answer inane questions or proposition me with hypotheticals. This is just not how natural conversation flows. But, of course, WikiHow reckons asking your match for “two truths and a lie” is the secret to a lasting romance.

I attempted this but I don’t think my match understood that I was asking him for two truths and a lie and not asking myself. Anyways, I ended up having to answer my own question! I love online dating! Wah hoo!

HAHAHA! I almost got him! We had fun!

Asking if they like ‘this or that’:

This is another message trend I’ve been sent countless times on dating apps which usually leads to me ignoring or unmatching. WikiHow recommends presenting your match with two choices and making them pick one because, “Giving options rather than asking open-ended questions might appeal more to someone who is filtering through multiple matches.” OK, if you say so!

As I prepared my question, it turns out my match already prescribes to the WikiHow dating bible. He asked me my preferred flavour of chip but I hit him RIGHT BACK with “Tacos or burritos?” which I think means I win.

I pondered writing back “PIZZA OR PASTA? PICK ONE RIGHT NOW OR ELSE!” but thought someone needed to stop this endless loop of questions.

Ask what they’d bring on a desert island:

Another game! Thanks! I hate this! This is what WikiHow advises: “Find out what three items they would bring with them to a deserted island. Say something like, ‘I know it’s a little cliché, but if you were going to be stuck on a desert island, what three things would you bring with you for fun—not survival.’ This can give you a lot of information about someone!”

Here goes nothing…

I can’t wait to join this stranger on a desert island — at least we’ll have a gym and some tunes.

Pose weirdly specific questions:

Ugh. I truly HATE questions like this.

ARE YOU DRUNK, WIKIHOW?? Despite my intense hatred for this ice-breaker, I typed and sent it anyways…

This guy bloody froffed it!! He does speak the truth: you CAN’T have flappy jacks for life. Tbh, it was a pretty funny way to start a convo and I stan.

Ask extremely formal questions:

This next gem reads like absolute robot talk, like something an AI that has just landed on earth would say to the first human they encounter as they practise the English language for the first time.

NO ONE TALKS LIKE THIS. OMG WIKIHOW, YOU’RE SO EMBARRASSING. YOU’RE WORSE THAN MY MUM.

With a slight edit (I can’t make paella, or anything for that matter) I sent this out and expected my match to question my humanity or at least call me a bot…

But nope, he ate that shit right up. Men. Am I right?

Express an extremely niche preference:

I can’t believe this isn’t a joke but here we are. Wikihow advises posing a “quirky question” to get attention. Their example? “What’s your favorite pasta shape? Mine is fusilli.”

This is probably my favourite piece of advice the page offered up. Like, it’s very funny and deeply strange. I decided I must wait for the right person to unload this upon, and then came this guy who is just peak Tinder fuckboi: sleazing up on women without even sending a single ‘hello’ or at the very least a waving panda GIF.

While he breezed straight past my declaration of love for fusilli, he didn’t seem put off. But then again, he did just proposition me for some kind of oily sex act so I’m sure I could have said anything to him at this point.

Act like a total psycho:

Another low-key creepy idea from WikiHow: pretend you don’t understand Tinder and act like you think you and your match are engaged. Super normal.

This was a huge gamble and I half-expected to be unmatched but oh no, he was INTO IT.

It looks like I have a wedding and a baby to look forward to! Despite the coronavirus crisis, my future has never been so BRIGHT.

Put their name in a joke:

I was in the midst of brainstorming how to turn a boy’s name into a pun when I got sent this:

He beat me to it! I’m actually alarmed that so many people are already aboard the WikiHow train! Get me off?!?

Verdict?

The majority of the above ideas actually worked super well. I feel like most of the men I speak to on Tinder follow a lot of these recommendations. The irony is that these ice-breakers work when directed at men, but from a woman who is often on the receiving end of these lines of questions, I find them completely off-putting and unnatural.

But if you’re desperate to get a convo started on Tinder then there’s certainly worse ways to do it. At the very least it’ll give you a laugh, and tbh that’s what we all need right now.

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Images via WikiHow.