Why Abbie Chatfield, Domenica Calarco And Ella Ding Are Fighting
If you’ve been seeing Instagram comments and podcast videos flying back and forth between Abbie Chatfield and ex-MAFS brides, Domenica Calarco and Ella Ding and are confused as heck as to what’s gone down, I’m here to unpack it for you.
It’s a fast-moving feud, so strap in and let’s start at a very logical spot: right at the beginning.
Ella and Dom have a podcast called Sit With Us, which they started after they graduated from their season of Married At First Sight. On their pod they focus on what they know best, chatting with each other and discussing a lot of MAFS, even recapping each episode (despite the fact there are 4,786 eps per season).
In a recent drop of Sit With Us, they welcomed Tori and Jack in for an interview. This choice alone was a bit of a controversial one, as Jack was, without a doubt, the villain of this season of MAFS. He made seriously derogatory comments to fellow brides and grooms and his treatment of his own wife was brought into question too.
Despite the couple making it to final vows and staying together after Married At First Sight (a bit of a rarity these days), Tori and Jack have avoided almost all media – only opting to do a New Idea photoshoot and now, this podcast with Ella and Dom.
I, personally, had high hopes that the Sit With Us podcast would interrogate Jack’s comments and at the very least shed some light on the behind-the-scenes of MAFS, what happened instead was more sympathetic to Jack and his journey.
In a clip from the episode (that has now gone bananas with views on Instagram), they all discussed *that* muzzle comment. For reference, Jack told Jono (who was married to Lauren on the show) to “muzzle your woman” during a dinner party.
You can watch the clip here:
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Ella said that Jack was “pushed” into saying the phrase. “Like you were just getting pushed, and that’s what you said before in the interviews about knowing they just need someone to push you to your limit,” Ella said. “She (Lauren) was that person who really pushed you.”
Dom added context, likely referring to their own experience on the show, that the MAFS producers “knew” that Lauren would be the one to “push” Jack to his limit. “And they knew that, they would always put her in front of you,” Dom said.
This narrative of pushing the blame onto Lauren for the comment obviously went down like a led balloon, and Abbie Chatfield was one of the first to call it out.
She dropped a comment on the video saying this: “Really disappointing to see the victim blaming here, and the allowance for a man to speak in such a dehumanising way about a woman because she … spoke too much?” I can’t believe I’m seeing you both dismiss what he said, because he was ‘pushed’. That’s the excuse for all abusive men. And what he did was verbal abuse. This is really worrying. Particularly in the current climate, this is really incredibly awful.”
“I feel a bit sick to be honest girls. I’d take this episode down if I were you, apologise, and try to educate yourselves on the inner workings on patriarchy and how you have upheld it in this interview. I actually feel sick.”
On an episode of her own podcast, It’s A Lot, Abbie spoke more on the subject.
“When you aren’t questioning male violence or language that is violent, you are only being traitors to feminism. If you are listening to [their podcast], they are reinforcing the ideas that abusive men feed to you when you are being completely fucking brainwashed by an abuser. I don’t think those girls even know why the muzzle comment was wrong. I think that’s the biggest issue,” Abbie ended her statement.
She also asked the hosts directly why they chose to seemingly take Jack’s side in this debate, mentioning that she sent the girls a DM too to take the conversation offline.
Ella and Dom didn’t immediately reply to Abbie, but confusion over the angle of their interview bubbled up in the comments from fans of their podcast – ultimately leading to the hosts turning comments off on that particular video.
Abbie later went on to claim the girls were “doubling down” on their interview after they realised it was being criticised online.
“I am so fine with these two women to go ahead and have their reality TV recap podcast and for it to get all the numbers in the world, but to speak about sexual assault and verbal abuse in an unhelpful way, all you are doing is giving ammunition to abusers,” Abbie said on It’s A Lot.
While the podcast channels haven’t released a formal statement of any kind, Domenica has shared some video diaries on TikTok where she talks about feeling like “I’ve fucked up” – which we’re all assuming is tied to this saga.
@domenica.calarco Just being real. #fyp ♬ original sound – domenica.calarco
She says in one of the videos that she’s been picking at her skin as her anxiety has been “manifesting” in her body. “I’m not doing it for sympathy at all, but I’m putting this out here to show that I am human,” says Domenica. “My esteem is literally at an all-time low. I’ve been on the largest TV show in the country and I wouldn’t say that’s anywhere close to what I’m feeling right now.”
Image credit: @abbiechatfield TikTok, @sitwithusthepod Instagram + Punkee