Every Basic Aussie Bloke Has One Of These Sleeve Tattoos
Let’s face it, we’ve talked shit about infinity tatts and tramp stamps enough, it’s about fkn time we called out the guys.
Aussie blokes plan out sleeve tattoos like I plan out my uni essays: just straight up copy and paste. Every single one of them is the same shit just slightly different, kind of like me and Zac Efron.
If you asked a girl why she got her dream catcher tattoo, she’d probably give you an 18-page essay on how the catcher is symbolic of prosperity and how it has the power to unlock not only wealth, but the secrets of the universe.
Conversely, if you asked a bloke what his snake tattoo meant, he’d probably just shrug his shoulders and say, “dunno, looked cool.”
We’ve put together a list of some of the most basic bloke sleeve tattoos, and what they mean for the guy (or girl) who has them.
1. Roses
When in doubt, rose it out!
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If a guy has roses on his arm, chances are he’s trying to show off his ~soft~ side. He’s probably 5’9, has three sisters, and orders a Tooheys Extra Dry at the RSL even though he secretly wants an espresso martini.
Now, black and white roses are one thing, but if that man has RED roses then you already know he’s the type to bite directly into a KitKat without separating the two pieces. Criminal.
2. Clock
To all the guys and girls who have clocks on their arm, here’s what I wanna know… WHAT TIME DO YOU CHOOSE?!
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Do you pick 7pm because that’s when Home and Away airs, or do you pick 1pm for Ready, Steady, Cook? I mean, that’s what I’d choose.
Guys with clocks on their arm are the type to leave you on read but still view your Instagram story. They’re also the type to tap you on the back twice when they’re hugging you. I don’t make the rules.
3. Lion/Tiger
Guys with lions/tiger tattoos are clearly overcompensating for some type of inferiority complex they have. Somehow they thought that a lion, tiger, or even a WOLF tattoo is going to make them seem alpha as fark when deep down we know (and they know) that they’re just betas.
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Lion/tiger tatt boys are MAJOR gym bros. They’re constantly going up to people and asking them “how many left?” while they’re mid-workout, as well as taking shirtless mirror selfies in the bathrooms after.
However, lion/tiger guys ALWAYS buy the best presents. So if your birthday is coming up and you want something cute, start shopping for a tiger bae.
4. Compass/Anchor
If you know a dude with a compass or anchor tattoo, try and lock him down while you can.
Compass/anchor boys are ~cultured~ asf. They took modern history in high school, achieved an ATAR of 84.9, and are currently studying a Bachelor of Project Management with a side hustle of fixing up cars.
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Compass and anchor boys have been to, believe it or not, countries that AREN’T Bali — and I’m NOT just referring to Thailand. (I know, shocker!) They’re constantly trying new food places, they’re always down to adventure, and omfg just… get in while you can.
5. Eyes
I’m just gonna say it. Eye tattoos are creepy asf. And before you say something like, “UMMM my eye tattoo is the eye of my aunty’s second cousin’s first wife’s barber’s nephew who passed away last year”, well, guess what… I said what I said.
It’s not that eyes aren’t cute, but it’s the fact that your Pablo Picasso of a tattoo artist did the eye so realistic to the point where I’m like…OK, WTF, stop staring at me.
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I don’t want to be up at 3am having a staring match with the back of your weenus. Plz no.
6. Skull
Skull tattoos are the ‘live, laugh, love’ of sleeve tatts. They’re literally not that cute and yet everyone has them. Remind me again why we decided a dead corpse was a good look on a person’s body? Are we trying to show a diagram of our organs? FFS!
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Guys with skull tatts are the type to reverse park on every occasion, even though he doesn’t have to. Like seriously, you’re not impressing anyone by doing that, just drive the fk in so we can all get on with our lives.
7. Trees
Specifically, **PINE trees. IDK what it is, but having forests on your shoulder seems to be all the rage right now. Don’t even get me started on the tree wristband, because that ‘ish is tramp stamp 101.
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Guys with tree tattoos are regulars at 7/11, and are the type to take the top off their meat pie, mix tomato sauce in it, eat the meat separately and then eat the pastry (blasphemous). They’re also the type to wear Lynx Africa and complain about the cost of petrol.
8. Dragons
I personally have no emotional attachment to dragons, nor did I know that half of the Australian male population did either. Like, is it an Eragon thing? Or a Mushu? (If you don’t know who those dragons are then you DEFININTELY don’t deserve to have a dragon tattoo.)
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It’s common knowledge that guys with dragon tatts cheer for the Maroons even though they were born and raised in Campbelltown. They buy Optimum Nutrition Gold Standard PP, and they rarely wash their butts in the shower (again, I don’t make the rules).
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Did we miss any? Let us know in the Facebook comments!