The Dating Dictionary We Should All Be Using In 2023

Diving into the dating world, especially if you’ve been absent from it for a fair while, can be like learning a new language. Literally.

There are new slogans zipping about and whole new conversational styles that can read like confronting gibberish to an untrained eye. Plus there’s the whole sub-text of every message too – because if you didn’t know, ‘You up?’ means so much more than a question of your awakeness. 

This is why it’s great that the helpful lads and lasses over at Tinder have come up with a literal dictionary to help you learn the language of love. Or specifically, love in 2023.

I got to see an early snoop of this dictionary and was thrilled to see that they’ve even got a ‘Consent Edition’ that they worked on with Chanel Contos. If that name doesn’t ring a bell, then I fear you’ve been away from the internet for far too long. 

Chanel was the creator of *that* viral spreadsheet that Aussie women and girls filled in to share their sexual assault story – painting a pretty bleak picture of consent in Australia. Over 45,000 people added their voices to the doc, and Chanel ended up using this as evidence to push for consent education across the country. 

@itspunkee The biggest red flags for #chanelcontos ♬ original sound – Punkee

Chatting to Chanel recently, it was clear to me that she takes her role as the unofficial face of consent education incredibly seriously and knows that to make enthusiastic consent commonplace in Australia, it has to be accessible and feature language that we actually want to use and understand. This is why a dictionary is a genius move – so we can all get on the same page about what words mean in this context and feel safe that when we say them, they’ll actually be heard.

Unpacking terms like ‘coercion’ and ‘fawning’ put literal words around feelings that can crop up while dating, and empower people to use them as a label for their situation to help them get the right support at the right time.

There are also literal scripts of how to ask permission, give permission or reject advances in so many dating scenarios – from the early days of texting all the way to getting in between the sheets. 

A sneak peek inside the Dating Dictionary: Consent Edition. Image credit: Tinder

While it may seem like overkill to script a scenario out, it can be so damn helpful to fall back on when you’re in the heat of the moment and a little lost for words about how to steer a situation back to a place where you feel genuinely comfortable.

This edition is part of a wider set of resources from Tinder called ‘School of Swipe’ that pulled experts in to discuss the questions everyone needs the answers to when starting to date.

I hope that tools like these make their way to the hands of as many people as possible but particularly into the palms of daters who think being bold and spontaneous is the only way to light a spark. Because it’s in these assumptions where things often get murky and complicated, leaving both parties confused. 

Instead, get in sync with your lingo, ask careful questions and actually listen to the responses so you can nail dating and consent in 2023. 

Image credit: Tinder + Chanel Contos Instagram