8 Times The Identity Of Gossip Girl Made Zero Sense

From 2007 to 2012, Gossip Girl served up loads of baffling storylines in its time, but one that’s especially difficult to get past is the true identity of Gossip Girl revealed in the series finale.

Dan Humphrey is Gossip Girl. This is not a spoiler, the series ended nine years ago. In fact, the whole show has been rebooted and the revamped series is set to premiere this week. This means we will have a whole new Gossip Girl to contend with.

But back to Dan, I vividly remember my reaction to the revelation when it happened. First came the, ‘Wow!’ then the ‘But wait, huh?’. Rewatching the series’ six seasons reveals some major plot holes when it comes to Dan being Gossip Girl all along. Like seriously, this dude not only tried to ruin his friends’ and family’s lives, but he’s also repeatedly sabotaged his own.

It makes sense that Dan wasn’t actually intended to be Gossip Girl until later seasons: in fact, the writers had a different character in mind. Writer and executive producer, Joshua Safran, told Vulture Festival, “We worked hard to kind of lay in tiny seeds about it being Eric, and then the NY Post wrote an article saying that Gossip Girl was Eric so we were like, ‘We gotta scratch that,'” Safran revealed.

After this change, Nate was then floated as an option. “One of the writers realised that Nate had never sent a tip into Gossip Girl, which is true at least through the end of season five. Nate never sent in a tip in through all of those episodes, which is when we’re like, ‘Oh, well then he’s Gossip Girl.'”

Once Safran departed the series, the writers then pivoted to Dan being a more surprising candidate for Gossip Girl. But does it actually make sense? Absolutely not!

8 times the identity of Gossip Girl made zero sense:

1. Gossip Girl posts about Serena buying a pregnancy test.

In Season 1, Serena is photographed buying a pregnancy test which is then blasted on Gossip Girl. Dan was dating Serena at the time, so this seems like a straight-up violation of her privacy and could potentially out Dan as her teenage baby daddy. Dan doesn’t think to speak to his girlfriend first about who the test is for, instead he tells the whole school.

And don’t get me started on the fact Gossip Girl (aka Dan) also did a post calling Serena “irrelevant” and spreading a rumour that she had an STD.

2. Gossip Girl posts about Jenny losing her virginity.

For someone who claims to be a good and moral person, Dan sure enjoyed spreading rumours about his 15-year-old sister’s sex life. Gossip Girl posted consistently about who Jenny was dating and hooking up with. Wouldn’t this be crossing a line? The worst example was in Season 1 when Gossip Girl claimed that Jenny had lied about losing her virginity to a popular student, Asher. Dan actually posted, “Looks like Little J didn’t spread her legs after all. She spread lies instead.” OMG, THAT’S YOUR SISTER.

3. Dan doesn’t know who Georgina is but Gossip Girl does.

This is one of the series biggest inconsistencies. When Georgina returns to Manhattan in Season 1, she befriends Dan under the alias Sarah, manipulating him in an effort to break him and Serena up. This works a little too well considering that as Gossip Girl, Dan would be well aware of who Georgina is, even under a different name. He has been documenting Serena since she was 14, so there’s no chance he wouldn’t know her longtime frenemy, Georgina. He lets Georgina lead him astray and eventually Serena breaks up with him. If he’s Gossip Girl — someone who sees and knows all — how could this have ever happened?!

4. Dan was mad that Gossip Girl posted a photo of himself and Serena in bed together.

At the end of Season 3, Dan and Serena sleep together while they’re respectively dating Vanessa and Nate. Jenny takes a photo of them in bed together and sends it to Gossip Girl, who then posts it. When Dan works out that Jenny has exposed his rendezvous with Serena, he is furious but ummm….you ARE Gossip Girl. Dan not only approved that post, but he is the only person who could hit publish. You played yourself.

5. Dan emails Gossip Girl and gets an immediate reply.

During Season 4, Dan and Blair are looking for a missing Juliet so they decide to ask Gossip Girl. They send an email and get a response right away with Juliet’s location. Blair was with Dan at the time, so he had no chance to line up some other reply bot. Then in Season 5, Dan texted Gossip Girl and got replies. Make it make sense!

6. Dan emailed Gossip Girl when he was alone.

It’s weird enough that Dan is getting replies from Gossip Girl when he’s with someone else, but how about all the times Dan sent tips and emails to Gossip Girl when he was alone. Isn’t he just ummm…emailing himself? Along with his pointless correspondence with Gossip Girl, he also would commonly react shocked to the posts he saw — again, even when he was alone.

In Season 1, when he read an update from Gossip Girl that Serena is looking for a date to the masked ball, he looked surprised and offended…while sitting alone in his kitchen. This revelation even led to him cancelling his plans with Vanessa. But Dan, you knew all this because you posted it. Why are you acting so dramatic? Who are you pretending for, you absolute weirdo?

7. Gossip Girl writes truly terrible stuff.

For someone who prides himself on being a writer, Gossip Girl’s writing is abysmal. In the episode where Gossip Girl speculates over who Serena is buying a pregnancy test for, the blog writes, “Looks like the Virgin Queen isn’t as pure as she pretended to be. Who’s your Daddy, B? Baby Daddy, that is? Two guys in one week? Talk about doing the nasty, or should I say being nasty?” Pure Shakespeare.

In another post about spotting Georgina, Dan wrote: “Also spotted: Lonely Boy’s baby mama looking like one hot mama on the beach in St. Barts. If she’s flown the coop — who’s cleaning up her baby’s poop?”

This is the same person who was published in The New Yorker.

8. Gossip Girl posted that Dan and Serena share a sibling.

In Season 2, Gossip Girl revealed that Rufus and Lily had a lovechild, meaning that Serena and Dan actually shared a sibling. Mood killer, huh? Dan found this out and tried to keep it a secret from Serena, before Gossip Girl blasted out to the world, posting: “It seems D and S share a sibling! While I’m always a fan of star-crossed lovers, at least Romeo and Juliet didn’t share DNA!”

It’s beyond cooked that Dan would want to out himself as engaging in low-key incest, framing it in the worst possible way while simultaneously humiliating Serena. This was just one of the countless ways he sabotaged his relationship with Serena via Gossip Girl’s posts. I don’t get it!

What’s the point?? I need answers!!