10 Grudges I’m Holding Against ‘Sex And The City’
Sex and the City is a groundbreaking show that gets better and better with every rewatch.
While the TV series does contain problematic moments, it’s still deeply relatable — especially if you’re a single woman trying to navigate through life. First debuting in 1998 and lasting six iconic seasons, Sex and the City follows Carrie, Charlotte, Miranda, and Samantha: four besties living it up in Manhattan while juggling their careers, relationships, and of course, sex lives.
I comfort-watch SATC every few years and after a recent binge sesh, I noticed a few things started to annoy the hell out of me about the series. I don’t mean the issues a lot of people have with the show, like Carrie picking Big over Aidan (right choice imho), Samantha being an under-appreciated queen, or the fact that the show’s cast was almost exclusively white.
I’m talking petty gripes. It’s time to speak my truth!
This list isn’t going to mention anything from the two movies that the series spawned, as I hold about 1000 grudges about the films, and tbh SATC 2 is so godawful it doesn’t even deserve my criticism.
10 grudges I’m holding against Sex and the City:
1. For a sex columnist, Carrie had a deeply limited view and understanding of sex.
When I think of a sex columnist, I think of someone open-minded and, above all, educated in all matters across the sex and sexuality spectrum. However, Carrie was just about as ignorant and judgemental as they come. When she dated a bisexual man, she actually questioned whether bisexuality existed, or as she actually wondered, was it “just a layover on the way to Gaytown.” Gurl, no.
She was freaked out when Samantha dated a woman, and couldn’t imagine how two women having sex could be pleasurable without a penis involved. And she was mortified when Bill — a politician she was dating — was interested in golden showers. Again, she’s a sex columnist?? I’m not saying Carrie should be pressured into doing anything she’s uncomfortable with, but she shouldn’t be so horrified by different sexualities or fetishes.
2. The Susan Sharon episode was alarming.
Not many SATC episodes feel more dated than ‘The Awful Truth’, where a straight-up abusive relationship is justified as a don’t ask/don’t tell arrangement. After Carrie witnesses her friend Susan Sharon being verbally abused by her husband, Carrie encourages Susan to leave him. So far, so good, right? Wrong. Carrie then regrets her decision, as she realises that single women should not get involved with their friends’ marriages.
“Could Susan Sharon’s marriage be that bad? Or was their fighting just a form of foreplay?” Carrie actually ponders. Big yikes.
This is all ignoring the fact that Susan’s husband acted like a psychopath — he was emotionally and verbally abusive. Anyways, after being rejected on one of her first night’s out as a single lady, Susan goes back to her husband. Seriously, wtf.
3. Charlotte wanting to be able to control what Trey ordered at restaurants was super weird.
Why tho?
When Charlotte first started dating Trey, she noticed how much his mother Bunny influenced Trey’s decisions. Charlotte then decided that she also wanted to err… control him like some puppet. When he was ordering a salad, she interjected “Maybe you should try the tomato basil. It’s sweeter.” Trey agreed and Charlotte smiled to herself knowing that, like Bunny, she could also control Trey.
I just don’t get it?? I’ve never dated someone and thought to myself, ‘Oh, I wonder how I can make them order a specific salad! That would be a neat trick!’ It was just weird and felt icky!
4. Samantha probably shouldn’t have had sex with Charlotte’s brother.
Charlotte was often insufferable and unreasonable as a friend, but in the case of her being upset that Samantha banged her recently separated brother Wesley, I was on Charlotte’s side. Her immediate reaction was admittedly awful: she slut-shamed Sam telling her that her vagina was “the hottest spot in town, it’s always open!”
This was horrible, I know! But by the end of the episode, Sam banging Charlotte’s brother was portrayed as Sam doing Charlotte a favour, as Wesley ended up admitting he was sex-deprived in his marriage.
This just seemed odd. Is it not an unspoken rule to not have sex with your friend’s siblings? Or at the very least, have a conversation with your mate first before doing the deed. Just saying!
5. Carrie inviting Big to Aidan’s country house was beyond cooked.
Carrie dominates this list and there’s no denying that one of the most baffling things she did was invite Big to Aidan’s country cabin. This was the same Big who Carrie had just cheated on Aidan with — ending their relationship the first time around. The sheer audacity! She acted like Big (heartbroken over a breakup) invited himself, but she barely resisted and she must have given him Aidan’s address.
Sure, it ended in Aidan and Big becoming friends but it was still all kinds of inappropriate to put Aidan in that situation.
6. Samantha totally manipulated Richard into saying ‘I love you’.
Samantha was not herself when she dated Richard, who was by far one of the worst boyfriends on SATC. This guy was toxic: he ended up cheating on Sam, begging for her back, before it was hinted that he cheated on her again before she ended things for good.
Richard sucked, but Sam didn’t exactly help herself in that relationship. At one stage, she got his assistant to sign her card with ‘Love Richard’ to hoodwink him into saying ‘I love you’ to her. If you have to trick your man into admitting his feelings for you, it’s time to dump him.
7. Carrie sending Aidan to help Miranda when she hurt her neck was the worst thing she ever did.
Carrie was consistently a bad friend to Miranda. There was the time she picked veal with Big over meeting her for an arranged drink, then later in the series she also ditched Miranda and Co. to stay with the Russian because err… it was cold. But nothing was worse than when Miranda called Carrie for help after injuring her neck — and Carrie sent Aidan.
Fans will know that Aidan found Miranda lying naked on the bathroom floor, an image that every woman can relate to as the most humiliating thing that could ever happen. It was equally bad when Carrie then came over to Miranda’s apartment — who was in a neck brace at the time?!? — and she barely acknowledged Miranda’s injury, gave her some “bullshit bagels”, and just talked about herself.
Carrie, please do better.
8. Charlotte shouldn’t have gotten Trey’s apartment in their divorce.
Marriage is hard but in the case of Charlotte and Trey’s divorce, tbh there was no one to blame. Charlotte was desperate to have kids, while Trey decided he was content just having Charlotte as his wife. They weren’t married very long, but when they did split, Trey said Charlotte could keep the apartment.
However during divorce proceedings, Bunny contested Charlotte keeping the apartment stating that it was not Trey’s to give. This wasn’t an apartment Charlotte and Trey purchased together as a couple, it was part of Trey’s family estate.
I agree with Bunny! This was a massive Upper East Side apartment on Park Avenue that was worth millions. Charlotte and Trey were not married long enough to warrant such a divorce settlement. It’s also pretty weird that Charlotte ended up moving Harry in and starting a family in an apartment originally owned by her ex-husband’s family.
9. Carrie demanding that Charlotte give her A LOT of money was unhinged.
Carrie’s self-entitlement reached its peak when she accosted Charlotte at her apartment, telling her friend that she should have offered Carrie the money for her apartment’s deposit. The scene came after Carrie was forced to buy her apartment off Aidan after they broke up, but she then realised she didn’t have enough funds — despite owning $40,000 in shoes.
It’s not Charlotte, or any of Carrie’s friends, responsibility to rescue Carrie from financial hardship. Obviously, it is nice to offer to help a friend in need, but ultimately Carrie just needs to sort out her own life.
10. Carrie not bringing her laptop to Paris would just never happen.
If you were moving to a foreign country for the foreseeable future — especially a place where you don’t speak the language — as if you wouldn’t bring your laptop, which is basically your only lifeline. Carrie was so bored in Paris, wandering around alone all day, so a laptop might have been nice!
I get that Carrie leaving her laptop in New York was supposed to symbolise her losing herself and her identity in her relationship with Petrovsky, but it’s just not fathomable. Carrie is a writer, she had even tried to keep her job at The New York Star by pitching an idea to write her column from a Parisian perspective. And Carrie freelanced for Vogue, how could she do anything without a laptop??? I don’t buy it!
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