INVESTIGATION: Is The Bachelor Really A Dog?
We’ve heard the rumours and it’s time to get serious and talk this through: is The Bachelor really a dog?
The recurring theme this season hasn’t been about love, romance or even space puns, it’s been various contestants referring to Matt as a dog.
So is he? We had to blow this shit wide open.
Is Matt a dog?
You know, this good boi right here:
While I’m not seeing the correlation immediately, appearances can be deceiving. We decided to reflect on what we’ve learnt about our Bachy so far this season and it turns out Monique and Rachael were spot on.
Here are 8 ways The Bachelor, Matt Agnew, is a dog:
#1. He’s a loveable and wholesome boy.
Matt is always smiling, happy, and probably wagging some kind of tail in his pants. Even when tempted by his human’s lady lumps he doesn’t stare. He looks away. Such a good and wholesome boy.
#2. He loves going for walkies on the beach.
When Matt isn’t taking various humans on dates, there’s one place you’ll find him. WALKIES! He loves to take a long run on the beach, stomp in the sand and get the breeze through his thick coat.
#3. He lives mostly on cheese platters.
What does The Bachelor like to eat for every meal? A cheese platter! That’s what. This cheeky boi just can’t get enough of chowing down on cheese.
What is a dog’s favourite special treat? Cheese, of course. While it’s supposed only be an occasional treat, The Bachelor organised for cheese to be waiting for him at every location. Very naughty boy!
#4. He is a loyal boy.
Dogs are totally loyal to their owners and it’s not hard to work out who owns Matt at this point of the competition. Abbie is his owner.
He only sees positives in her and can’t resist licking her face every time he sees her. The boy is loyal to a fault. Matt has refused to turn on Abbie no matter how many people have warned him. He only answers to Abbie.
#5. He often gets himself in a mess.
Whether it’s stomping on fruit, lathering himself in a layer of mud, or ending up covered in flour when attempting to bake, he just can’t seem to stay clean.
#6. He can tell when someone is lying.
One thing I’ve noticed from the very beginning is that Matt can tell when someone is lying, first with Monique and more recently with Rachael. This is all makes sense as a study actually found that dogs know when someone is lying to them. It totally checks out.
#7. He can be clumsy at times.
What other Bachy has accidentally snapped a rose in half while attempting to hand it to a human? Silly boy! His attempts to repair the rose just made it worse. He did try his best tho.
#8. He has every single woman instantly falling in love with him.
The only experience I’ve had with falling in love at first sight was when I once met a Samoyed puppy in a park. On the very first night of meeting Matt, most of the women fell hard, with Emma already declaring she loved him.
I’m confident only a dog would have this effect on people.
Tbh, Matt must be a dog, no human man deserves this much attention.