What Is The Relationship Escalator And Why Is Everyone Jumping Off It?
“What are we?”
“Where is this going?”
“Do you even see a future with me?”
All of these questions are ones flung from someone standing on the Relationship Escalator and confused about why the stairs have stopped suddenly. A jarring and terrifying time for someone who has spent their whole life staring up at the top of the Relationship Escalator, longing to be there.
But, hold on. What the heck is a Relationship Escalator in the first place? Great question. Open up your notes app and jot this down.
It’s a formula that has been somewhat shoved down our throats from the moment we’re born. While the Relationship Escalator has levels that I’ll definitely dive into soon, it can be boiled down to a simple aspirational equation of: finding someone + falling in love = happily ever after.
The Relationship Escalator represents what most people believe intimate relationships “should” look like, how they’re “supposed” to work and therefore have become the hallmark of what any emotionally healthy adult “should” want.
If this concept seems blurry, then think about the last lovey-dovey movie you watched, because this formula is rolled out in almost every romantic comedy. (Excuse the heteronormative set-up here, but most of the most memorable romcoms were made in the 90s and inclusive casting was shocking back then.) It usually goes as follows:
- Boy meets girl
- A connection is established (via a cute dating montage)
- Feelings develop
- A minor hardship occurs
- Resilience is built and the hiccup makes the couple stronger
- Couple are in love
- Boy proposes to girl
- Girl says yes
- A wedding happens
And that’s pretty much the route on the Relationship Escalator – just with a few more real-life steps chucked in like getting on the property ladder and potentially popping out a few kids.
While lots of people have been spoonfed this relationship trajectory, if you and your partner are out of sync or want to skip certain steps, then that’s where you hit issues. You see, it’s not always a given that you’ll fall in love, move in together, buy a house, get engaged, get married, have kids. If that’s what you personally crave, then great for you, but if you go into a relationship assuming that’s what your other half wants, then you’re building up quite the fall for yourself.
Especially as there’s a rising trend of people jumping off the Relationship Escalator.
As our definition of traditional intimacy gets interrogated and analysed, more alternative routes are popping up in its place. Ethical Non-Monogamy is one of the most actively used labels on dating apps now. Polyamory is no longer taboo. Less people are getting married, and even fewer are having children. The intimacy space has changed. And these options mean that people know what they could be jumping off the Relationship Escalator for.
Whether you’re on the Relationship Escalator, hand in hand with the person you love, checking off your milestones in the order you’d always hoped for, or if you’ve thrown yourself off the Relationship Escalator and are exploring intimacy options you’ve always been curious about, neither route is right or wrong.
You just really have to hope that these two types of people never date each other.
Image credit: Canva + Punkee