The Culinary Magic From ‘Cooking With Paris’ Ranked From ‘That’s Hot’ To ‘That’s Not’
Australia’s latest lockdowns have once again inevitably brought upon an insatiable appetite for doughnuts, an increase of mindless scrolling on TikTok, one too many solo wine nights paired with Love Island UK, and of course the notorious Netflix binge.
With an array of new shows and movies having launched this season (thank Christ), never did we expect a cooking show hosted by the one and only ‘00s queen Paris Hilton. I mean, the thought of Paris wearing an apron is just beyond comprehension. However after just watching the first two minutes of episode one, it’s revealed the heiress doesn’t swap out designer stilettos and couture for an apron and oven mitts.
This utterly ludicrous yet highly entertaining series shows off Paris “sliving” it in the (perfectly renovated) kitchen with a stellar lineup of ‘sous chef’ celebrity guests (including Kimmy K, Saweetie, and Demi Lovato) collaborating on Paris’ themed menus that are basically reimagined personal favourites with a glittery twist; boasting unique presentation that’s something on the border of childhood make believe and nouveau riche luxury. Some dishes are totally bomb while others are a strong waste of precious Unicorn sprinkles.
We’ve ranked the Paris Hilton’s inspired recipes from ‘that’s hot’ to ‘that’s not’.
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1. Frosted Flakes French toast garnished with marshmallows
Episode: “Breakfast in the Clouds with Kim Kardashian West”
The brunch-style menu inspired by her favourite ‘food group’, cereal (her number one being Lucky Charms), screams diabetes – but it’s also sensational and I speak on behalf of every viewer when I say the new food trend this winter will most definitely be DIY blue marshmallows.
Paris invites long-time friend Kim Kardashian to whip up a kid’s dream version of French Toast and a frittata “as fluffy as a cloud”. And it’s anything but a failure. Except what is lacking is their on-screen friemistry (friendship/chemistry – if Paris can make up words, I’m allowed to as well. Wait, dammit, Urban Dictionary beat me to it!). From kitchen to table, they seemed like acquaintances who met on a Contiki a few years ago and don’t have anything else to chat about except the hazy memories of the shared travel experience.
As they sit themselves to sample their creations, it appears they’re both just as impressed with their spread as we are. Namely, the French toast. The added garnish of Frosted Flakes and blue marshmallows makes this one a winner.
Sous chef Kim approved, but then sort of disapproved: “Oh my god, this is some of the best French toast I’ve ever had… Mmm, wait, I spoke too soon. I just got a Frosted Flake, it’s like a crunchy, chewy ball… if that got harder I would’ve broken my tooth.”
Our rating: “That’s hot… literally.”
2. Saweetie’s famous shrimp tacos
Episode: “Taco Night with Saweetie”
During this drunken cooking episode (yes, margs were made and it was a certified vibe), Paris and rapper Saweetie tackle Mexican cuisine. It appears this kitchen collab isn’t Saweetie’s only media opp with food in 2021, as US Macca’s just released the new ‘Saweetie Meal’ this week, which was described by MarketWatch as “just an overindulgent Happy Meal for adults”. It sounds incredible, if you ask me.
The two friends (boasting equally extra attire) were in high spirits as Paris goes outside of her “taco comfort zone” by making Saweetie’s famous shrimp (or ‘prawns’ for us Aussies) tacos with a roasted salsa, and for dessert a funfetti cake topped with classic Mexican flan (i.e. classic $2 cake mix).
Although there were a few kitchen mishaps like Paris blending a metal cap when making salsa (an example of a con when drinking on the job), they did alright. The shrimp tacos didn’t just look appetising, but they appeared to embody soul and authenticity. The funfetti cake might have to tie in second place with the tacos, as Saweetie said “It feels like something I shouldn’t mention on camera but… it feels like an orgasm” when tasting a piece of the basically store-bought cake, followed by unapologetically helping herself to a second piece. NGL, I’d probably have three servings.
Our rating: “That’s bomb.”
3. Filet mignon with truffle butter
Episode: “Family Steak Night with Kathy and Nicky Hilton”
In this episode of Keeping Up with the Hilton’s (I mean, Cooking with Paris) the three blonde ‘boss babes’ (they’ve got the mugs to prove it) cook up a luxe storm for steak night – none outshining the other in their Lady Di gear. Their dinner menu consisted of caviar, expensive steak topped with edible diamonds, and onion rings garnished with gold. Makes sense when the Hilton fortune has been calculated to be approximately $4.5 billion!
As their main dish had truffles costing a cool $1000 a pound as well as a topping of jewellery you can actually eat, the filet mignon wins third place just for its level of fanciness… and also because, well, butter.
Our rating: “Sliving.”
4. Vegan McDonald’s French fries
Episode: “Vegan Burgers and Fries with Nikki Glaser”
Paris and comedian Nikki Glaser whip up a vegan diner-inspired menu of chips (*cough* not fries *cough*), burgers, and shakes.
Nikki decides this TV appearance is the perfect moment to fangirl Paris, so aside from 15 minutes of strange compliments at a loud decibel, Nikki (and Paris) create a not-so-bad meal for themselves and a small group of shared gal pals who join them at the table – and also end up fangirling Paris. So, if you imagine Nikki times four in one room with a silent, smiling Paris, you’ve got yourself a pretty awkward Netflix episode.
The fact that the ‘fries’ weren’t burnt and that they were Macca’s inspired, lets them win 4th place – because sorry but after this, it’s all pretty much downhill.
Our rating: “Obsessssssed.”
5. Unicorn Cannoli
Episode: “Italian Night with Demi Lovato”
In a more wholesome episode starring Paris’ pal Demi Lovato, they attempt heart-shaped ravioli, as well as some overly glittered cannolis – except both are a bit of a fail.
The unicorn-inspired dessert at least matches their outfits, but that’s the only points the cannolis win, unfortunately. In Gordon Ramsay terms, the filling is abysmal with its watery texture and the presentation is forced and lacks depth. Ultimately it looks like a fairy has thrown up on a plate and my baby niece wouldn’t even go near it.
The two friends make up for their horrid dishes with nourishing, unrefined chat where Paris appreciates Demi for being the one who inspired her “to want to be vulnerable and be truthful” in a tough industry that thrives on perfection (and Demi brings up Paris’ documentary because a friend of theirs had gone through “similar stuff”).
Back to the “Unicornoli” – we really don’t believe it’ll make it on the menu at Paris’ favourite Italian restaurant like she hopes it does. Sorry to be a buzzkill, babe.
Our rating: “Bye, Felicia.”
6. The entire Christmas dinner
Episode: “Get Over It Holiday Feast with Lele Pons”
YouTuber Lele Pons casually drops by Paris’ mansion to create the ultimate Christmas dinner consisting of turkey, mac and cheese, and holiday-themed cookies.
Paris, having a fear of raw turkey, ends up actually sort of burning it and decides she wants to “make it cuter” so they decorate it with designer labels, sprinkles, and sparklers. Yuck. Coco Chanel would be rolling in her grave if she saw her logo used as the eyes for a burnt turkey dinner. The Gucci mac and cheese is almost just as foul with its over-decorated presentation.
Weird chats, Paris’ dogs licking the food, fake comments like “Oh my god, this looks amazing”, and above all gross grub on the table, this has to go down in history as the most absurd Christmas feast yet.
Our rating: “This is sick”… like, as in gross.
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You can stream Cooking With Paris now on Netflix.