07 Oct 2019

I Asked My Tinder Matches Who They Think Is Under The Mask On ‘The Masked Singer’

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The Masked Singer on Channel 10 is slowly warping our brains. Who is the Lion? Who is the Dragon? Why are they under there? Won’t somebody let them out?

We know that: the Octopus is Gretel Killeen, the Parrot is Brett Lee, the Alien is Nikki Webster, and the Rhino is Wendell Sailor. And there are plenty of really solid guesses going around about the identities of the Prawn, the Robot and the Wolf.

But there might be a few ways of actually finding out who the Masked Singers really are. You could painstakingly follow the clues. You could ask contestants. You could analyse if a person’s voice matches other recordings of their voice. You could use hypnosis to access a deep memory of your prediction’s gestures and vocal prowess.

Or you could take the easy way out, and ask your Tinder matches who they think is under the mask.

That’s what I did anyway.

I asked blokes who they thought was on The Masked Singer. And, surprise, they were not impressed.

The rules: Only new or recent matches. Only men I would usually match with. Only Tinder. Only while The Masked Singer is on TV (Monday and Tuesday, 7.30pm).

1. The first tactic was just to get straight to it – are they watching The Masked Singer rn?

No luck on Monster either then.

Or the Spider. I need to change tack.

2. Some people have no idea what The Masked Singer is, but they’re into masks??? Shockingly, the masks opener didn’t go the way I hoped???

Someone please just tell me who the Dragon is.

3. I realised that it might be better to ease into it with some chit-chat… and then I got negged for my reality TV choices.

4. I think this guy misread my text about turning on the TV as me asking about his turn-ons.

5. This guy’s housemate was probably spot-on about the Lion though.

6. What a compliment! I am an Aussie B-list celeb!

Folks, this didn’t work at all. Not only did I get no dates, I often got no replies at all. Turns out the show that’s getting a million+ viewers in ratings isn’t bringing in any 20-something men that I happen to swipe right? Or all 20-something men are liars?!? You tell me.

Result?

Zero dates. Zero insight into The Masked Singer. Zero dignity.