The Definitive & Exhaustive Ranking Of Every Single Sweet Arnott’s Biscuit
As the weather is getting chillier, there’s nothing more comforting than parking on the couch with a cuppa in one hand and a biscuit in the other.
Whether you’re slamming Tim Tams, chomping down on a Butternut Snap, or simply dipping a Scotch Finger in your morning coffee, sweet biscuits are the perfect treat. Arnott’s makes A LOT of sweet biscuits, so the choices are almost endless. But which Arnott’s biscuits rules them all? What biscuit rises above the rest as absolutely God tier?
IT’S TIME TO RANK.
And this isn’t just a ranking of a handful of Australia’s most beloved Arnott’s biccies, we are ranking them all. That’s right, we’ve ranked an exhaustive 42 different varieties.
FYI: We did set some conditions and haven’t included biscuits served in packets or packaged individually, so sorry but Tiny Teddies did not make the cut, nor did the Farmbake range of gourmet cookies that come in a bag, or the humble Wagon Wheel. Arnott’s limited time range has also been excluded.
But everything else is free game! Let’s rank!
The definitive ranking of every sweet Arnott’s biscuit:
42. Full O’ Fruit
If I was asked if I’d rather die than eat a Full O’ Fruit biscuit, I’d choose death. If I’m indulging in a sweet biscuit, I don’t wish to be full o’ fruit, I wish to be full of buttery biscuits dipped in chocolate. Get outta here!!
41. Spicy Fruit Roll
Like the majority of the internet, this biscuit thinks inserting the adjective “spicy” makes it more interesting. Hard pass. I like my fruit unspiced and where I can see it: going mouldy while sitting in a fruit bowl on my kitchen bench.
40. Shredded Wheatmeal
What is this filth?? These biscuits are clearly a Digestives dupe, but without the chocolate coating — which is the only reason to eat Digestives.
These are actually ghastly. They taste like a Salada dipped in sugar.
This is the last biscuit in the category we will label ‘ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY NOT’. I actually forgot these biscuits existed, as I suspect I’ve suppressed my memory of being forced to eat them as a kid. The biscuit is fine, as is the white icing, but the CURRANTS!! Yuck!
37. Milk Coffee
We have reached the ‘inoffensive-but-plain’ section of this ranking and may I just say: there are too many options!! Who needs this selection of biccies that basically taste the same and serve the same function as coffee/tea dippers?! Anyways, Milk Coffee biscuits are simply unfinished Iced Vovos. You know it’s true.
Marie biccies have a vanilla/golden syrup flavour, but they’re still boring-as-shit.
35. Milk Arrowroot
Another useless biscuit that doesn’t need to exist…
34. Rice Cookie
Rice Cookies are light and crumbly, but at the same time just way too basic for me.
Another Digestives imposter, keep it!
OK, now we enter the category of plain biscuits which are at least slightly more exciting. Starting with Nices, these biccies are extremely old-fashioned and will give you serious flashbacks to afternoon tea with your nan, but the generous sugar topping gives the Nice biscuit a slight edge.
31. Malt ‘O’ Milk
Malt ‘O’ Milk is a decent biscuit. The malted milk biccies are crunchy, so optimum for dipping in a hot drink as they don’t get too soft.
30. Arno Shortbread
I have conflicted memories of eating shortbread as a child. I remember on a school excursion, being taken to a shortbread factory and leaving with a sad bag of burnt shortbread. Like the shortbread, this left a bitter taste in my mouth, but luckily Arno Shortbreads are generally pretty tasty.
29. Teddy Bear
Again, same shit, different shape. While the flavour of these biscuits is nothing special, I gave Teddy Bears extra points for being a childhood staple and for providing a base for Chocolate Teddy Bears, which I still cherish to this day. (More on that later.)
28. Scotch Finger
Out of all the plain biscuits, the only one I would even consider picking up is a Scotch Finger. These biscuits taste great and they are moulded perfectly for drink-dipping.
27. Orange Slice
Here we are! We made it out of the plain, boring biscuit section. On to cream biscuits, Orange Slices are just the worst of the pack. No one is reaching for these, they are always the flavour left over, and I reckon it’s time to retire this variety entirely and just double up the Monte Carlos. It’s what the people want.
25 & 26: Tina Wafer/Triple Wafer
I’ve lumped these two together as they are the same biscuit — like exactly the same but shaped differently! I’m sorry Arnott’s but how do you explain stocking practically two identical biccies while y’all discontinued the greatest biscuit of all time: the chocolate/caramel/peanut dream that was Arnott’s Quatros. I demand answers.
24. Raspberry Shortcake
I enjoy these biccies, but not enough to ever eat them since I was about 10 years old.
23. Hundreds & Thousands
To be real with you, I don’t believe these existed when I was growing up. But they seem fun!
22. Honey Jumbles
Again, I have no memory of eating these as a kid. But after learning that Honey Jumbles are basically gingerbread covered in icing, I am sold.
21. Shortbread Cream
Shortbread Cream biscuits are fine. Nothing special.
20. Delta Cream
Delta Creams are basically Shortbread Creams but chocolate flavoured. They are the basic bitches of biscuits. They are trying desperately to look like Oreos, but they lack the decadent chocolate flavour and are just straight-up forgettable.
I am aware this will be a ~controversial~ positioning of a biscuit that has recently found a cult following, but guess what: Kingstons are a bit shit. They sound good paper: two Anzac biscuits sandwiched between a chocolate filling. Yum, right? Wrong! They just don’t taste that great, and they’re too small!! What is this, a biscuit for ANTS?!
18. Lemon Crisp
Give me a Lemon Crisp any day over a Kingston. These biscuits are better because they’re thin, so you’re not stuck chomping down thick, claggy biscuit. This contrast perfectly with the lemon flavour, which is light and zesty. I stan!
17. Choc Ripple
Choc Ripple biscuits on their own are just OK, but they are super transformative so I’m giving them extra points. These biscuits crumble down to become the base of a cheesecake or slice is perfection and nothing compares to a chocolate ripple cake, one of the only good Christmas food traditions.
16. Butternut Snap Cookie
These are essentially Arnott’s version of Anzac biscuits, so they’re pretty delish.
15. Chocolate Monte
Full disclosure: I have lived for over 30 years never knowing these biscuits existed. But my colleagues assured me Montes are good and I have been missing out. Crunchy biscuit covered in chocolate?? Get in me!
14. Chocolate Scotch Finger
But you know what’s even better than a Monte? A choccy Scotch Finger. Scotch Fingers are the MVP of plain biscuits and the addition of chocolate takes these biccies to a whole new level.
13. Tic Toc
Did somebody say throwback? I’m ranking these highly purely based on the nostalgia factor, and that these biscuits taught Australia’s children how to read the time!! You can’t put a price on that!!
Royals give me Wagon Wheel vibes but I find there’s too much marshmallow in ratio to chocolate. That being said, they’re still super delish. Royals also come in a dark chocolate variety but I’d stick to the OG flavour.
11. Chocolate Wheaten
Now THIS is what I’m talking about. These biscuits are probably just a ripoff of chocolate Digestives and I’m OK with that. They taste great!
10. Ginger Nut
Curveball! I know some people might chuck the Ginger Nut in the ‘plain biscuit’ category, but I disagree! Ginger is a game-changer. These biscuits are perfection, they’re super moreish and once you eat one, it’s impossible to stop.
9. Chocolate Teddy Bear
I’m a sucker for a Chocolate Teddy Bear. Even though the chocolate is slightly dark and bitter, it totally works when paired with the sweet biscuit.
Let’s be real, this biscuit is basically a fun-sized hazelnut chocolate bar — and I’m not mad about it!
7. Chocolate Butternut Snap
An Anzac biscuit dipped in chocolate?? Did I dream this biccie into existence?? Yummo!
6. Iced Vovo
I remember eating an Iced Vovo as a kid and feeling especially fancy. I’d often pick up a biscuit while extending my pinky finger just to show that I was a proper lady. Anyway, aside from making me feel rich, these biscuits are delicious! They have everything you want on a biscuit: coconut, fondant and jam! A classic, unrivalled combo.
5. Caramel Crowns
If you’ve read any of my other rankings, you’ll know that caramel-flavoured things are my kryptonite, so of course, Caramel Crowns rank highly with me. These are super delicious. The chocolate, the caramel, the crumbly biscuit — it all works! However, I will say that these are a little too intense and that’s why the biccies have lost out on a spot in the top four.
4. Monte Carlo
The only cream biscuit that I would happily eat every day of my life. It’s the chewy centre for me, it’s just so good! Fun story: I used to work as a receptionist and was given the immense responsibility of unpacking the Assorted Creams to fill up the communal biscuit jar. Every week, I would take out all the Monte Carlos and hide them in my desk draw. Take that, The Man!! My commitment to Monte Carlos has always been unwavering.
3. Mint Slice
Now we’re talking!! These top three Arnott’s biscuits are absolute icons IMHO. Mint Slices should not taste as good as they do. I’m not a fan of mint-flavoured things and I can’t stand after-dinner mints, but for some reason, Mint Slices just taste amazing. It’s the kind of biscuit where once you open a packet, it will disappear in the space of mere minutes. It’s a perfect biscuit.
2. Premier Chocolate Chip Cookies
There is nothing more indulgent than Premier Chocolate Chip Cookies. These biccies claim to be “40% chocolate chips” and you know what, I believe them! They are super chocolatey, while the biscuit base is absolutely delicious in every way. Give me a handful of these cookies, a cup of tea, and a night watching Netflix and that’s literally my idea of heaven.
1. Tim Tam
As IF any other Arnott’s biscuit could compare to Tim Tams. Tim Tams are Australia’s greatest invention, better than Ugg boots, boxed wine, or the Speedo combined. We’ve already ranked the Tim Tam flavours individually, but the TL:DR is that Double Coat, Original and Chewy Caramel belong in a league of their own. Any of these three flavours provide the perfect biscuit-eating experience.
Tim Tams are as good as it gets.